Saturday, November 16, 2013
In Which I Reivew Dracula (1x4)
Jo "What just happened?"
Me "I'm not sure..."
Me "Who is that chick?"
Jo "I don't know..."
Jo "Is this really happening?"
Me "I think so?"
The way Dracula is bleeding (pun intended) numbers, I doubt we'll see the end of this show, but until then, the idiocy and utter nonsense shall continue. Like last weeks episode, there were no themes or motifs of really anything remotely interesting about this episode. I mean, apart from the mud wrestling. (Yes, you read that right). Let's get this over with.
Among these vampires is Joseph, a loyal solider who is devoted to Dracula but wishes Dracula would be a bit more ruthless and bloodthirsty. In other words, he is voicing exactly what the audience wants. According to Joseph, Dracula and he used to "harvest more souls" before sunup. So, at one point Dracula was scary? He was actually Dracula? Joseph has also been around long enough that he recognizes Mina as the reincarnated version of Dracula's wife. She's the spitting image of Dracula's dead wife. And, like the audience, Joseph can't understand why Dracula doesn't just turn her. But Dracula has his (idiotic) moral reasons and instead is going to throw Mina and Harker their engagement party. I guess anything to spend time with Mina. Speaking of, Dracula wants to show Mina his light machine with its magical coolant. I wish that was a euphemism but I'm referring to an actual machine with real coolant. Dracula's great plan to take down the Order of the Dragon! But something goes wrong and Mina and Dracula end up in each other's arms and both are way too into it for comfort. Golly, everyone wants Mina, don't they?
--There were several subplots in this episode. One involved some raw-steak-eating lady in gray who kidnapped Renfield. The other involved Harker going in search of an Asian lady with a forgettable name who knows something about the Oil General? Or does she know about Dracula? I'm not sure what her purpose is. Though, let's face it: I don't know what the purpose of most of this drivel is for.
--Sex mud wrestling match. Honestly I just needed to stress that again.
--Mina is drawn to Dracula which totally makes sense as they have spent a grand total of five seconds together and Dracula isn't using any sort of thrall on her.
--Dracula only slept with Lady Jane this week. Disappointing. I expected him and Joseph to have a tryst. I suspect Dracula is open to anything.