Tuesday, November 18, 2014
--Katrina and Henry and the super growth spurt baby! It's like a 1990s situational sitcom. But, seriously, that baby was freaky. But I am happy they didn't spend too much time on Katrina this week.
--Ichabod with a cold and soup was adorable. Loved him struggling with the bottle of pills.
--Detective Frank burst out of the psych ward! The team is back together!
--Next week is the fall finale and it looks amazing.
--"When I am well, there shall be hell to pay."
Monday, November 17, 2014
Short version: a plan to trap Ingrid in the urn goes horribly awry because of course it does.
Long version: Ingrid isn't happy that her family is falling to pieces--oh, mirror pun! This is the biggest reason why this episode did not need to be two hours. This entire flashback could have easily been done in one, but they felt the need to drag it out as long as possible by making everyone speak in really clunky dialogue. Most of the two hours was just explanation and exposition: "this is a plan that we have come up with after we learned this information about this other member of our family! We will now explain it to the audience who are too stupid to comprehend sense and logic!" I don't need five minutes of Elsa and Anna discussing their plan for Ingrid; it's pretty obvious that they are going to trick her into the urn. And it doesn't help that most of this conversation is also just an excuse for Anna to say "funny" (notice the quotes) things. The writers knew they needed to flesh out two hours worth of TV so they put in as much filler as possible. Of course this plan is going to go horribly wrong. Of course Elsa is going to end up in the urn by the end of all this. Of course Ingrid will having something to do with it. Of course Hans is frozen in a wardrobe. Wait, what? Why? Why is Hans in a wardrobe? Oh! I know why! It's so Anna could say, "he's...FROZEN." Get it? FROZEN. He's FROZEN, guys. Like the movie. You know, the movie that made billions of dollars and is now singlehandedly responsible for saving ONCE's ass? Yeah that one. Whatever.
Short version: Emma's plan to get rid of her magic goes horrible wrong because of course it does! And Rumple is a monster.
Long version: Emma's magic is still fritzy and everyone in town is super worried--except for Regina who wants to have more sex with Robin the crypt where her father is buried. Fuck this show. I'm sorry. I normally don't openly curse like that on this blog, but I needed to. I will, henceforth, be ignoring all OutlawQueen nonsense until someone smacks some sense (and morals) into Adam and Eddy. Emma accidentally hurt Henry which causes her to want to get rid of her powers for good; thus, she goes to the only person who can probably help her: Rumple. Well, isn't that jolly and super convenient? Luckily, Rumple has just the thing that will make Miss Swan's magic go poof like so many hopes and dreams I once had about this little show. He's gonna suck her into that hat! But, because this episode is 2 hours long, we have to drag it out with a lot of silliness. The Charmings need a pep talk from Regina (are you kidding me) because they've decided to give up on Emma and not to do the right thing by going after her and stopping her plan to get rid of her magic or at least TALK to her. Robin and Will Scarlett need to spend time in the public library making wisecracks about Cats in Hats (dear lord if the season 5 villain is the Cat in the Hat...) and we all have to act like the tiny little scratch on Henry's neck from Emma's power backfire is a life or death situation that could result in Henry bleeding to death at any moment! Lord. Give me strength. Oh, and there is some nonsense about Hook and Rumple and Hook's (too perfectly red) heart.
--Seriously, why was this episode two hours long?
--"I have his hat." Such good dialogue.
--Emma suddenly hates Happy the Dwarf! If you're familiar with ONCE fandom then you know that this might be a reference to the hell that went down between actors Jennifer Morrison and Michael Coleman (Happy) when the latter said something about SwanQueen. ONCE writers: always professional.
--Is Will an alcoholic?
--And Anna didn't just close her eyes when the shards of glass were flying towards her slowly because...?
--"I undid all the good. Neal is still gone; the town is still in danger; and Belle knows who I am, and that's a man who always chooses power." Sigh. I miss the Rumple I would have defended unto death.
--You have no idea how badly I was hoping that Rumple would crush the Pirate's heart.
--Sex in a crypt. Ladies and gentlemen: Once Upon A Time
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
--Ok, I really skimped on the plot for this one, didn't I? The succubus herself isn't important (she dies by episode end) but yes, there is a baby Moloch who has come into the world. And Katrina was looking at him with some love in her eyes, no?
--"He was macking on a lady."
--"Your mind is grappling with what your loss." "A unholy creature of Purgatory?"
--Henry is a Horseman of the Apocalypse but still applies for permits. Bless.
--Where is Jenny? She has been MIA for awhile.
--I want more Henry and Ichabod scenes. Those are glorious.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Hey, does anyone else remember when Snow White accepted Emma for who she was: Savior and Magical Creature Extraordinaire? That her main concern wasn't Emma's magic but rather who taught Emma how to use that magic? Does anyone else remember when Emma Care Bare Stare'd Cora and it was glorious and Snow's response was to take her daughter's face in her hands and try to reassure her? Cause that was a great moment. Do you know what is not a great moment: looking at your daughter like she is the spawn of Satan just because she had some issues controlling her magic (we'll get to that, never fear). Does anyone else remember when Snow and Charming went into the mines, knowing that they might die, but trusting in Emma and her abilities to save Storybrooke? Does anyone else remember when Snow wasn't portrayed as a buffoon who said such wonderful things as, "we failed today." Oh ye gods, the dialogue coming from some of these characters was cringe worthy this week. ONCE has never had the best wordsmiths known to man but this whole, "oh woe is me" nonsense was just that: nonsense. At least Charming didn't do anything too heinous, but that's largely due to the fact that the writers tend to forget Charming is an entity until they need him to do something like fight Warlord Bo Peep and her magical staff. Snow White was once a bandit, a mother, and a queen. Now she's like an actual Disney character; she has become the cartoon version of herself and it's annoying. Maybe it's because Ginny Goodwin is still resting from her pregnancy but there has to be a better way to write Snow than this. So far this season she has been creepy possessive of both her kids, been nothing like her old bandit self, and now she's looking at her daughter in a way that Snow has never--and would never--look at her child before. Let's move on.
I didn't care one bit about these three sisters. Why should I? They don't mean anything to me now in present day; they aren't still around to make me feel sorry for them. Ingrid's backstory is exactly what you would expect: it's Frozen. She has magical abilities that she fears and when push comes to shove, she used them accidentally against one of her sisters (Helga) and her sister turned into an instant ice statue and then shattered. First, why the shattering? Anna didn't shatter in the movie; Marian didn't shatter a few weeks ago when her heart was frozen. Why did Helga shatter? And why is Gerda basically a dumb idiot? I (somewhat) get putting Ingrid into the urn in order to protect Arendelle, but instead of learning from all this, she decides the best course of action is to have everyone's memories erased. That is some fine upstanding Queen-ing right there. Got a problem? Instead of solving it, just use magic rock trolls to rob all your people of their memories. That's like Regina level bad. And I'm sorry but Ingrid's whole fear is based off one incident in which she actually SAVED her sisters from a creepy pedophile. That's not a reason to fear; that's cause to celebrate. In the movie Frozen, Elsa actually hurt Anna when they were kids. But here, Ingrid was a bit of a hero and instead it becomes "conceal don't feel." No! TELL THE WORLD ABOUT THE KID SNATCHING BAD GUY IN THE WOODS WHO TRIED TO ABDUCT THREE LITTLE GIRLS AND KICKED ONE IN THE STOMACH! Heavens above, do you think he was working alone!? Most likely not. Go tell your parents instead of pulling this "we'll use these ribbons to bind our promise to always look out for each other and protect one another." Oh and the Duke of Wessleton showed up because of-freaking-course he did. That's everyone right: Anna, Elsa, their parents, Sven, Kristoff, Marshmallow, The Duke, Hans AND his brothers, the ice bridge, the costumes, the gloves, let it go, "doesn't bother me anyway," sandwiches, and the door scene. Did we get everything iconic? Except Olaf, I think that covers the FROZEN-ALL-THE-THINGS. And, finally, grown up Ingrid in her room, scared to hurt anyone. Um. Why? Have you hurt anyone since that night in the woods? Because if you haven't then it really was a freak accident and you can sort of relax.
If you find true love, it's worth ruining your life for. What an unbelievably horrible message. Truly, one of the worst messages I've heard come from this show. Love is grand, I know that. In this show, love can save realms and it used to be the most powerful magic of all. But you know what? Honor, self respect, respect toward others, fidelity, vows, these are important too. Is Robin in between a rock and a hard place? Yes. Do I feel bad for him. Not anymore. He is now committing adultery with the woman who tried to kill his wife. Oh my god. This is a THING that happens on ONCE now. Adultery isn't new of course; Mary Margaret and David were having one in season one, but they were under an evil spell and married in their "real" lives. Robin, just because your wife is a Frozen Popsicle does not give you license to do this. I get it; you're in love with Regina...well tough nuts! Deal with it! The idea that you have decided to break all your vows and not "be the man Marian made you to be" is just appalling. I am over Robin, I am over OutlawQueen, and frankly this relationship is a perfect example of the toxic wasteland that is love and romance on OUAT. To sum up, Marian made Robin want to be a better man and be more than a petty thief. Regina makes Robin want to break all his vows and lose his self respect. And Will...what the heck? How is this sound advice? And where is Ana? Just tell me already; I'm weary of thinking Ana might be dead. Also, this is a potential retcon: according to OUATinWL, Robin had not yet Marian when Will joined his gang of Merry Men and Will was only around for about 2 days. I still remember the show, Adam and Eddy. If Will's only purpose on this show is to give terrible life advice and to negate his entire love story with Anastasia, then I would really prefer if he wasn't here at all.
Just. Leave. The. Room. You were smart enough to send Elsa away when you saw that her emotions were getting the better of her, now do likewise. There is no reason for you to stay in this room with the Ice Queen and listen to her insane drivel. Just leave, calm down a bit, and then refocus. Why is Emma Swan acting so incredibly stupid lately? I have been waiting for Emma Swan to become the sort of powerful sorceress I know her to be, so I like getting to see her use magic, but this was just an illogical way to go about it. You need Emma to become emotional? Okay, fine. But the entire moment is ruined for me when all I can think is, "why doesn't she just leave the damn room?!" "You're not going to push my buttons," says Emma to the Snow Queen and yet that is exactly what happened and when Emma realized it was happening she did nothing about it but stand there and make scary faces and declare that her family loves her. So after last year's triumph of remembering where her home is, and realizing how much she loves and needs her parents, she gets irked at the mere thought that they might love her "normal" baby brother more than her? And oh, by the way, Baby Snowflake? Clearly not normal! Zelena tried to use him for her spell because he was a baby born of the purest true love and the lights flickered during his birth. He's clearly not supposed to be non-magical. Whatever. I'm getting so angry that I've stopped wanting to make sense.
--It really says something when I think the least offensive character is Hook.
--Henry working at Rumple's shop is nice but how is there zero talk about his dead father?
--Rumple wants to take over the world. That is why he is doing this. Ok. I'm...not going to comment. No, I am. It's my blog, after all. First, Rumple has been able to leave Storybrooke for some time now. He just needs to put on his little snazzy shawl. Second, fine. Rumple is now so evil that all that matters is getting as much magic as possible. That's his character now. Never mind his sacrifices or his heroism or his love for his family. Whatever.
--Ashely gave birth to a little girl named Alexandra in 104. Canon FACT. Someone messed up somewhere either in continuity or in logic (parents do not name their children the same thing...).
--"Every family has their ups and downs." Sorta like this show.
-- Seriously, you're standing under a tree and you see a branch is about to drop on you. Do you step out of the way or do you spend those last few seconds that you could get to safety looking at a little girl, calling her a monster, and then dying stupidly?
--I don't even care enough to try and theorize about the ribbons.
--Next week is two hours long. Oh heaven, save me.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
--Was this episode too dark? I heard rumors that after last weeks, people actually called the BBC to complain. I don't mind dark TV, but I do wonder if some lines were crossed with resurrecting the dead.
--Speaking of the dead: Cyber-Brig. I think the sentiment behind it was nice, but the problem was the execution. I can't get past the fact that they turned the Brig (THE BRIG!) into a Cyberman before blowing him up.
--Chaplet Mortuary. As in...Dodo? And the Mistress said, "Oh my giddy aunt!" I've fallen into a parallel universe where the show remembers its history!
--"Look at me. I'm bananas."
--I guess Clara is gone for good. I won't really miss her. Too much time and energy was spent on her and not enough on the Doctor, where it should be. I've said this repeatedly, but the main issue this season was making Clara the main character and relegating the Doctor to a sidebar. Peter Capaldi deserves better because when you let him, he makes magic.
--"Permission to SQUEEEEEEEEEE"
"I am not a good man. I am not a bad man. I am not a hero...I am an idiot, with a box and a screwdriver, just passing through, helping out...learning."
Final Season Rating: B-
Final Episode Rankings For Season 8.
12. In the Forest of the Night
11. Time Heist
10. Deep Breath
9. The Caretaker
8. Into the Dalek
6. Kill The Moon
5. Death in Heaven
4. Mummy on the Orient Express
3. Dark Water
2. Robot Of Sherwood
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
--Ichabod's slight rant against the American voting system was wonderful, but equally beautiful was Abbie's response about how long it has taken for women and people of color to be able to vote.
--Ichabod got a sticker and it made him happy. Adorable.
--"How can a headless horseman SAY anything??"
--"I must internet....immediately!" I'm using that from now on. That shall be my motto in this world.
--Where is Jenny? What is she up to?
--So New Police Chief isn't evil? There goes one theory.
--Really great effects with the prism and the demon baby inside Katrina.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Meet Belle's mother. Belle's mother is dead. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. All parents die on ONCE. That is how the series will end: all the parents dying in a blaze of glory. So, basically, Hook and Belle are left standing. Oh my god. I take it back! Dead parents on ONCE are pretty common, and I'll grant that it's a pretty common theme in fairy tales and mythology in general. But wow; ONCE just broke their record for fastest parental death ever. Even Snow and Regina got a full episode with their mother before she kicked the proverbial bucket. Belle got two minutes. I'm not kidding. I timed it. The more important thing is how Belle reacts to her mother's demise: namely she doesn't remember it because her father is an asshat. "I didn't want to add to your grief so I took away all your memories of how your mother died to protect you." What the hell? What kind of rationale is that? Especially since, when Belle does finally learn about her mother, she's over it in a hot second. "I learned a valuable lesson, Father. And now we can continue to live our lives with knowledge that heroes save people." But then, see, if they hadn't taken away Belle's memories, how could they possibly work in Frozen? They must do that at all costs! (Because Frozen is money). I'm sounding rather harsh, I know, and the truth is this episode was my second favorite of the season, though not for the flashbacks which once again attempted to shoehorn in Frozen in every single possible way.
Halloween brings out the Lovecraft in me. So, Belle has been so weighted down by her secret trip with Anna, and the fact that Belle did not try to save Anna before the Snow Queen got to her, that now she is lying her pants off--or, rather her very short skirts because Belle doesn't wear pants. In fact the guilt of all this manifests itself in a very bad way--she decides to use the dagger against Rumple. Of course, we know it isn't the real dagger, but Rumple has to play along or be caught in his tangled web of lies. Belle, very smartly, decides to go after the Snow Queen with a pick axe that is being kept stashed with the umbrellas. Belle, honey. You're supposed to be the intelligent one. Going after the Snow Queen to find a magical hat that will suck her right up is not exactly the smartest plan in the world. But, I get it. You're emotionally distressed. By the way, your husband is lying to you and if you opened your eyes a bit, you'd see it. You know, I'm actually willing to forgive this really dumb plan because what came next was at least really cool and let Belle see a different side--or reflection--of herself and it was the best bit of the episode. So off we go to the woods and the Snow Queen's Fortress of Solitude.
--Regina told Robin to learn to fall in love with his wife again. Wow. That's almost like real development.
--"I'm about to storm an evil ice cream truck."
--Hook's line about everyone being related. Yeah, that was good. See, can appreciate some things about Hook (though this was the second episode in a row that was Hook-lite and it was wonderful to get this long of a break).
--Kristoff and Sven are the best adaptations from Frozen.
--Emilie de Ravin looked gorgeous.
--I can't even make any theories because it's all a big jumbled mess. So many ideas all at once and it's hard to get attached and think about it all because I know it will be over in a few episodes and whatever they come up with won't be as cool as what I think.