Wednesday, November 13, 2013

In Which I Review Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D (1x7)

This show is about teamwork. Is that clear to everyone? Have they beat that into your head enough? Cause it's super important that you understand that this is a team. A team-y team. Alright, I'm be facetious but the point remains: this show is beating a dead horse. This weeks episode of Agents of SHIELD, "The Hub," harped on the idea of "trusting the system" and putting your faith in the order a well oiled machine can bring--unless your own personal team is in danger and then screw the system because gosh darnit, this is *your* team and they matter more than any system. Someone is going to have to explain to me why this was an episode of SHIELD. This show is predicated on superheroes and villains, so why am I watching an episode that would fit better with an international spy show? It was as if the writers pulled two character names out of a hat and then pulled a classic spy situation from a James Bond film and went "ah ha! Story!" No! There was nothing SHIELD worthy of this episode, until the end. It is very possible that after this first season, SHIELD and I will be parting ways. Maybe if they kill Skye, I'll stick around. 

 The show opens with Coulson and his team rescuing another agent from being deep undercover. Never mind what this agent was doing or who he is; it will never be expanded upon. Let's just call him Agent Man. Agent Man has a thing up his nose that is disgustingly pulled out. And no, it doesn't matter what this nose thing is. What matters is where the nose thing is going: The Hub. Ooooh. Secretive name for secretive base. Cliches are cliche. Seriously, if you're a secretive government agency, why are you naming your base of operations something so painfully obvious? You might as well name it, "The Place Where All Our Secrets Are Stored. Terrorism Welcome!" Our team of cardboard cutouts and Coulson (and May) go to the Hub where only those with Level 7 or 8 (there's a level 8?) access are invited into a meeting with Agent Lady. I have no idea what her name is and frankly don't care. She has a red streak in her hair but is wearing super business clothing and "take me serious" glasses. I shall refer to her as Agent Lady or Red Streak Lady.

There is a quick info-dump that went by at lightening speed but you can pretty much pick up any James Bond book/movie that deals with the USSR and get the general idea. Insurgents. Big Bad Weapon. Stupid name for Big Bad Weapon (Overkill Device) to really drive home just how Big Bad the Big Bad Weapon is. No, the weapon isn't alien. No, the insurgents are part of Centipede. No, there are no superheroes in this episode. And apparently the CIA isn't a thing in the SHIELD universe. And because cliches are cliche, SHIELD must send in two team members: the brain and the brawn. So overly trope-tastic. This always happens when you have a dangerous mission. You send in one guy who has the military expertise (Ward) who is going to perform the action fighting and at the same time you send in the super genius (Fitz? That's the guy right?) whose job it is to do all the high tech brainy stuff. And along the way the two discover that they have more in common than you might think and that despite all the odds, they work well together and their two skills help each other and oh grab a hanky cause I can already hear the orchestra tuning up to have a stirring musical piece play in the background as the two team members declare that they aren't leaving the other behind! Do I sound bitter? I don't mean to. Ok, yes I do, but this show needs to be scrapped and try again.

Where was I? Right. Plot! While Ward and Fitz are doing the brain/brawn thing, Skye is being Skye. Seriously, girl. I get it. You had a rough life and I'm supposed to feel sorry for you. Do you know what prevents me from feeling bad for you? The fact that you're an idiot. You've been invited into a top secret government agency and still you act like a spoiled petulant child despite that this super secret government agency keeps giving you second chances. They should have dumped you out of the plane already! So what do you do this week? Break into the secret government organization's computer? SURE! But what's even more horrendous is the excuse you give for the hacking: I was helping my team! No, you weren't. You had an alternate agenda. So Skye's whole mission is to find out what happened to her parents. She knows they are involved in SHIELD somehow but all the documents have been covered up. So once she manages to get access to the super secret computers, which not only involved not trusting in the system but also corrupting her fellow teammate Simmons to be a bad girl and break the rules, the first thing Skye does is not go look for information about her friends but information about her parents. Her friends, Ward and Fitz who have been her excuse and how she emotionally manipulated Simmons into helping, are not Skye's first concern. With only seconds left, Skye goes to get their information, but only after she's dealt with her own private affairs. And to add insult to injury, Skye does all this after Coulson has implored her to leave well enough alone, let the system handle it. Coulson, you're better than this. Drop her already.

Meanwhile Ward and Fitz have, I don't know, broken into some sort of facility with relative ease. And there is the Big Bad Weapon. I have no idea what it does. Something really horrible that will destroy SHIELD's weapons or something. Fitz and Ward must work together (a theme!) to take apart the weapon. At this point, Ward informs Fitz that there is no extraction team in place. They are on their own. No idea why. That's never explained. But it is the one thing Skye learns from her hacking. And it freaks the team out. Cause you know, this is a team! And the team must stick together! You can't leave Brain/Brawn in some foreign country with insurgents on their tail. That's just not very team like, now is it? So, our SHIELD team decides to take matters into their own hands and goes to rescue Ward and Fitz, which they do in remarkable time. Seriously, I know the ever-flying plane is super powerful but can you really get to "former Russian satellite" country that fast? Whatever. The plane swoops in and saves the Brain/Brawn duo. Huzzah! And then, to further the idea of being a team, Skye doesn't get in trouble for her hacking, instead she gets what she wants. Coulson reveals a small part of Skye's past: a SHIELD agent dropped her off at the orphanage at a young age but they don't know if this was her mother or not. But he won't stop looking, he is going to help Skye. WHY?! She's done nothing but be a burden to you and your team. She doesn't follow rules, she lies, she deceives and she ultimately cares more about herself than any of you.

Miscellaneous Notes on "The Hub"

--Maybe my shortest review ever? I can't with this show right now.

--Fitz and Simmons need to get over whatever hang ups they are holding on to and just be together already. It's painfully obvious.

--I will admit to laughing at some of the spy situations. "We're being tracked by dogs and you brought a prosciutto sandwich?" (with buffalo mozzarella cheese)

--The only interesting part of this episode came at the end with two scenes. First, May and Coulson know more than they are letting on about Skye's past but some secrets must be kept. Not very team worthy, guys. And second, Coulson is finally trying to look into what happened to him in "Tahiti" but has been denied access, despite him being level 8. This is what SHIELD should be focusing on. Coulson is really why everyone is watching still. Give us more of him!

No comments:

Post a Comment