In Which I Review Sherlock (3x3)

Do you ever get through watching an episode of TV and wonder what the heck you just saw? When I watch the shows I review, I have a pretty set pattern. I watch, take about a full page of notes on plot and observations, leave it overnight to settle in my brain and then write the review. With this season finale of Sherlock, "His Final Vow," I figured I'd have to see the episode a few times before I felt comfortable enough to type a review but I never expected to be completely flabbergasted at the end of the first viewing. I sat in shock for 90 minuets and the only note I took on the initial watch was, "Steven Moffat is an evil SOB who literally hates all of mankind." When it was over, I instantly re-watched knowing that I probably missed a thousand and one things in my effort to just keep up with the fast paced, mind bendy, timey wimey, unbelievably GOOD episode of Sherlock. Like all season finale episodes of Sherlock, this one took several turns, had gasp worthy moments, had me both screaming in anger and frustration, laughing with mirth, and sobbing with joy and sadness, both. That's the mark of good writing, folks. When you can feel ALL the things, the writers have done their job. This final episode of the third season puts Sherlock's final vow he made at the Watson's wedding to the test. How far will Sherlock go to ensure John and Mary's happiness and safety? What would he sacrifice for them? The answer is easy and you already know it: everything. 

Meet Charles Augusts Magnussen--newspaper magnet, billionaire, and our evil genius for season three. In the original Doyle work, he went by Milverton but was just as manipulative and intelligent. Magnussen deals in knowledge. He is an expert blackmailer, capable of getting individuals and countries alike to bend to his will simply because he knows the weakness of every important person in the western world. He calls these weaknesses "pressure points" and he has them all locked in his Appledore vaults. The vaults, believed to reside under his house, are a veritable Alexandrian library of knowledge. Files upon files of secrets that Magnussen can trot out any time he wants to get what he desires. It's not easy to NOT compare Magnussen to Moriarty, the latter being our villain for the first two seasons of Sherlock and probably the most recognizable villain in the Sherlock Holmes canon. Moriarty, consultant criminal, got off on the intricate planning and crime work. He loved being bad for the sake of being bad. A true sociopath he cared very little about the people he hurt or the lives he wrecked. But his own weakness was that he was drawn to Sherlock as his equal. With Moriarty and Sherlock, it was a game of chess between two equally skilled opponents. Both knew that they might lose the game because the opponent was a worthy advisory. And it created a sense of respect between them. Moriarty was, I think, a little bit in love with Sherlock and Sherlock admired Moriarty's ability to turn off all feelings and just be a cold, calculating and a down right nasty bastard. Magnussen is different. Moriarty loved chaos for the sake of chaos but never got his hands dirty. Magnussen is right in the thick of things but at the same time you can't touch him. Magnussen doesn't need to create chaos to stave off boredom. He just needs people to think that he can.

Magnussen doesn't need a vast network, he just needs his Appledore files. He loves knowing that he can topple your whole world with the right publication in one of his many newspapers. And when it comes to Sherlock, it's not a chess game because Magnussen believes Sherlock to be totally inferior. Sherlock won't win against Magnussen because Magnussen simply doesn't consider him a threat. Sherlock is a pest, someone buzzing around trying to be self-important but, to Magnussen's delight, Sherlock has many pressure points from the small--Red Beard--to the greatest one of them all--John Watson. For example, when Magnussen shows up at Sherlock's flat (calling it HIS new office), Magnussen toys with Sherlock while Sherlock is trying to maintain the upper hand and remain rational, something that is hard to do when Magnussen decides to take a piss in Sherlock's fireplace while John and Sherlock are almost too shocked to respond. While I prefer the over the top theatrics of Moriarty and the raw chemistry Sherlock and Moriarty have, Magnussen turned my stomach, much like Sherlock's. He won't ruin your life, he'll just threaten to and you'll bend because what he has on you is that devastating.

So to set up a few things for the episode: Lady Smallwood, a member of the British government has hired Sherlock to help her deal with Magnussen, who is blackmailing Smallwood with letters (which Magnussen apparently carries on his person) about her husband and an illicit love affair with a 15 year old.  Sherlock knows that in order to make him more appealing to Magnussen, he will need a pressure point. And because Sherlock is sometimes very stupid (for being a genius) he turns to his drug habit. In the original stories, Sherlock Holmes has a very serious drug problem, though due to time of publication Watson's disapproval comes off more cautionary rather than down right anti-drug . However, our series has yet to really deal with this aspect. It has been alluded to several times in the first two seasons, but Sherlock, we are given to understand, is clean and free of his coke habit. It has been about a month since the Watson wedding and John and Sherlock haven't seen each other in that time. Life moves on. John is living in the suburbs with Mary, going to work, and living a totally normal existence. Which galls John Watson, though he's loathe to admit it. So when danger comes knocking--in the form of a next door neighbor worried about her drug addict son who didn't come home--the good Dr. Watson jumps in his car to go to a drug den and rescue the boy. While there, he fights a drug addict and generally acts very reckless, getting right in the face of drugged out stoners with knives. All of this ties into John's psychology, which we'll talk about in a bit, but the really important part is who else John finds in the drug den: a very high, very drugged out, very hobo-looking Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock insists that he is high because it is part of his case and he is undercover, but John thinks there are some lines Sherlock can't cross and drugs are one of them.

Sherlock high is quite alarming. It's not something we've seen before and something I never want to see again. He's even more condescending and frankly violent, grabbing Mycroft and shoving him up against a door frame. Sherlock is acting like Sherlock but a heightened version of him. He is doing things that Sherlock PRE-John would have done, not the Sherlock who has grown emotionally over the course of the past few years because of John. While he claims it's all for a case, it's hard to watch. Especially when Jeanine (Mary's maid of honor) comes trotting out of Sherlock's bedroom in nothing but a dress shirt. Like John, I was slightly appalled, confused, horrified, and desperately trying to look anywhere but at the kissing smile-y couple. Sherlock shouldn't be kissing people! (Unless it's Molly, John or hell even Moriarty!) My first instinct was that Sherlock was faking a relationship with Jeanine in order to do couple things with Mary and John--an attempt to reinsert himself into the Watson's life the only way he knew how. It took watching the episode twice to really get the subtle ways Sherlock changes in the presence of Jeanine. When she's there in the flesh, he's sweet and tender and lovey-dovey. But the second she leaves, he's our Sherlock again, caring only about Magnussen and the game. Nothing is ever as it appears with Sherlock--perhaps one of the most enduring themes of the show as a whole. Everything is a facade with something swimming underneath.

The real story of Sherlock and Jeanine is cold, through frankly, not wholly out of character for Sherlock, but rather a low character point I didn't expect in season three. Jeanine is the personal assistant to Magnussen in his newspaper office. She is an access point to Magnussen, nothing more. Sherlock manages to convince her to let him into the office, through a surprise marriage proposal--much to John's horror who balks at his best friends depiction of using "human error" against the person in question. It's a little disturbing to be honest. How is this not like what Magnussen does to people, exploiting them for gain? Like John I was a little taken aback at how low Sherlock could go when it comes to getting into an office. Once they get into the office, though, they find Jeanine knocked out on the floor, bleeding from the head. Sherlock knows they aren't alone and leaves John with an unconscience Jeanine while he goes to investigate. Finding Magnussen's bedroom, he sees the newspaper man on his knees, with someone pressing a gun to his head. Sherlock thinks it must be Lady Smallwood, seeking revenge on Magnussen for upsetting her life. But then the person in black turns around and it's not Lady Smallwood. It's not Lady Smallwood at all.

It's Mary. And the look of absolute horror and shock on Sherlock's face is only matched by me screaming in surprise. Because Sherlock Holmes, the man who can deduce anything about anyone, can't see past the end of his nose when it comes to the people he loves. And god help him, he does love Mary. He cares for her because she is John's pressure point and he knows it. He knows that John loosing Mary would absolutely break his best friend and therefore if John cares about Mary then so will Sherlock. Sherlock never even considered that Mary could be a two timing agent. She dazzled all of us. In the first episode of this season, I remarked that there was something suspicious about Mary but didn't really give it much thought. In the second episode, I was so totally enamored of Mary and her desire to not break up JohnLock that any doubt I had about her was washed away. She was a member of the family now. She belonged with John and Sherlock and that's all there was to that. Again, that's the mark of good TV writing. That I could, in the span of one episode, forget the slight oddness that was Mary's original appearance (knowing skip code for instance) just because she made the two main characters so happy only to have it turned upside down in the very next episode is startling. And then it gets worse because Mary shoots Sherlock and all the feelings and emotions came crashing down.

What happens next is, as I wrote in my notes, a surreal exercise in Sherlockian deduction. It's important to remember a few things: first, Sherlock is probably one of the smartest people on the planet. His brain works lightening fast so that what is actually several minuets on screen is only less than a second in his brain. Second, Sherlock's mind palace (super important foreshadowing is super important) is a magical place that is inhabited by various people. In the time it takes Sherlock to fall because of the gunshot wound, his mind palace has gone into overdrive trying to analyze which way to fall and which memory he needs to conjure up to remain calm in the face of shock. He is assisted in this endeavor by Molly, Anderson, and Mycroft. There is one more, but I'm going to save that for a moment. It's a very bizarre sequence and the first time I watched it, I was very put off by the almost overly indulgent artsy nature of it. There are bright white lights, disjointed camera angles, and the trademark fast/slow of Sherlock. But I think it's important to remember that this is taking place inside Sherlock's mind, an organ scientists still don't fully understand. We do learn that Red Beard was Sherlock's dog as a little boy, a dog that had to be put down. The lowest level of Sherlock's mind palace is a padded cell. One guess who is in that cell.

Did you guess Moriarty? A very deranged, crazed Moriarty but Moriarty nevertheless. So why is "Moriarty" (remember: this is Sherlock's sub conscience) chained to a wall in Sherlock's mind? Well, Moriarty has always represented what Sherlock COULD be. Like I said above, Sherlock and Moriarty are more equally matched than Sherlock and Magnussen. The world's greatest detective and the world's greatest criminal, and as Moriarty said, "we're made for each other, Sherlock." Moriarty represents what Sherlock is capable of if he didn't have the world's greatest heart. Despite Sherlock's constant claim that he's a high functioning sociopath, it's sometimes really hard to see. Sherlock likes to think that his brain is his greatest asset, but it's heart. Ever since meeting John, it has been his heart. Remember what Mycroft said in the second season: "my brother has the mind of a philosopher or a scientist. Yet he elects to be a detective. What do you think that says about his heart?" That doesn't mean that Sherlock doesn't long to lock away all his feelings and be as cold as he wishes he could be, though. And that's what Moriarty is. If Sherlock could lock up his love for John and his own sense of heroism, he'd be Moriarty. Easily. That part of Sherlock's mind screams to Moriarty, "you never felt pain!" But Sherlock does. You really only need to watch Benedict Cumberbatch's performance this episode to see how much pain Sherlock can feel.

But it is this crazed portion of Sherlock's brain that reminds him why he simply isn't allowed to die from this gunshot: John. All "Moriarty" has to say is that John will cry buckets and buckets and that if Sherlock dies (again) John will be in danger and Sherlock, so ready to give up and die, fights his way back up out of his mind palace. He won't leave John again. On John's wedding day, Sherlock stood in front of everyone and declared that no matter what, he'd always be there for John and Mary. Dying...that's so two years ago.

So. Who the bloody hell is Mary Watson? Even though he has been shot, Sherlock breaks out of the hospital determined to find the truth. He arranges a meeting between Mary and himself in which we learn that Mary Morston was a still born baby who died some 30 years ago. Mary, who is no longer hiding that she is some sort of super solider, tells Sherlock that she'll do whatever needs to be done to ensure that she doesn't loose John. But Sherlock, ever one step ahead, has made sure that John is listening to the whole conversation. John now knows that his wife is not who she says and is as far from the sweet funny Mary as one could get. But is Mary a villain? Not really. She's a woman in trouble. Magnussen obviously has something on her, her own file of secrets stashed away. Magnussen could upset Mary's new life and that's why she went after him. Knowing that there is much to talk about, Sherlock, John and Mary go back to Baker Street.

There is some timey wimey stuff here (this IS a Moffat episode after all) but I want to take this in linear order. Back at Baker Street, John is enraged. As he has every right to be. John can't figure out what he did to deserve this--of all the women in the world, why did he fall in love with a psychopath who used to kill people for a living? Let's talk about John Watson for a moment. John is NOT and never has been the average man some adaptations make him out to be. He is not as smart or deductive as Sherlock, but he's not the everyman. John is an addict of a different sort. But it's not drugs. It's danger. John Watson needs, craves, demands a life of danger. This is something he tries very hard to deny. What John wants and what he needs do not align. He wants the life in the suburbs with a doctor's wife and to live as everyone else. But that's not what he needs. What he needs is the thrill of the chase, the blood pounding in his ears, the constant imminent threat of death. As Sherlock says, "you're a doctor who went off to war, a married man who couldn't live in the suburbs for more than month before you went into a drug house of junkies and a man with a best friend who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high. Even our landlady was part of a drug cartel!" So of course, subconsciously, John was looking for a woman who is the exact same, she's another kind of fix. As John begins to cry and whispers to Sherlock, "but she wasn't supposed to be like this. Why is she like that?" Sherlock's answer is simply: "because you chose her." Think about all the previous girlfriends John has had over the past two seasons: dull, dull and dull. He can't keep them, not because--as he pretends--Sherlock constantly gets in the way, but because John's desire and need to live that dangerous life with Sherlock gets in the way. He will always choose Sherlock and the game not only because he loves his best friend but because he loves living on the edge.

So what to do with Mary? As Sherlock points out, now that they are back in Baker Street, Mary is one thing: a client. She will be made to sit in the client chair and tell her story. And then, and only then, will Sherlock Holmes and John Watson decide if they want her or not. She has broken the family and now she's either in or she's out. Sherlock sits in his chair, John in his. A team despite the fact that John is livid with his best friend for not automatically taking his side. Mary has a flash drive with her whole life story on it but Sherlock's deductions are right. She's a former spy and despite having a very convincing British accent, she's not. She has worked at times for one nation and freelance, murdering for money. At some point she made one enemy too many and had to go on the run, landing in London and adopting the name of Mary Morston. The entire affair is interrupted by Sherlock bleeding internally but before he passes out, he insists to John that Magnussen is the only thing that matters and that they can trust Mary: she could have killed him in Magnussen's office but she chose not to.

Timey-wimey time. We jump ahead a few months to Christmas at the Holmes's household. John and Mary haven't spoken in months but she has been brought along for Christmas dinner. John arrives and wants to talk to Mary and after months of thinking it through, he only has one thing to say, you past is your past. But your future is ours. John won't read her flash drive and throws it into the fire. He loves her too much to let her go. It was a very tear jerky moment with Mary crying, "you don't even know my name!" and John answering, "is Mary Watson good enough for you?" This lovely moment is interrupted by Sherlock having drugged everyone with punch so that he and John can get away to see Magnussen. So long as Magnussen has a file on Mary in his Appledore vault, Mary and John will never be safe and happy. And Sherlock needs them to be safe and happy. Sherlock made a deal with Magnussen the last time they met: Sherlock will bring him Mycroft's laptop which hold the secrets of the British government IF Magnussen hands over everything he has on Mary in the Appledore vault.

I want to take pause here and talk a little about Sherlock and Mycroft because their relationship is just as important as Sherlock and John's if wholly different. It's easy to view the Holmes brothers as adversaries. It's how they are presented on the surface: two egomaniacal geniuses constantly trying to get the better of the other. But, this is Sherlock. Nothing is ever what it seems. Everything is a facade. I want to break this analysis into two parts: how Sherlock views Mycroft and then, in a bit, how Mycroft views Sherlock. For Sherlock, Mycroft is a rubbish older brother. He has never done anything that older brothers are supposed to do. Mycroft never protected him, never loved him, always taunted him and made fun of him, insisting that Mycroft was the smarter of the two. In Sherlock's eyes, he and Mycroft are family in name only and they care for each other very little. So when Mycroft is given to sentimentality--"your loss would break my heart"--Sherlock has no idea what to do with it because Mycroft has never shown any sort of brotherly love. To Sherlock, Mycroft views him as a little annoying kid who trails after his older brother. Oh Sherlock. You really are quite dense, you know that? Bear all this in mind when I return to the Holmes brothers.

John follows Sherlock to Magnussesn's--a gun in John's coat pocket just in case--prepared to go along with the deal Sherlock struck if it means he and Mary can live their lives. And then the big reveal--showing Sherlock the Appledore vault. Remember when I said to keep the mind palace in--well--mind? Guess what doesn't REALLY exist? The Appledore Vault. The prized vault full of everyone's darkest secrets is Magnussen's mind palace that he can access anytime he wants but no one else can. This whole venture has been nothing more than playing off people's pressure points. What does Magnussen want? He's a business man. He wants to sell papers and revel in the knowledge that he can control anyone. He has now successfully set up Sherlock and John as traitors to the state. Mycroft, the drugs in his tea having worn off, tracks down his laptop and goes after his brother realizing that Sherlock is about to sell state secrets--at least that is how it looks. It's all leverage. Magnussen wants to own them all. He used Mary to get to John which gets to Sherlock which gets to Mycroft. They are all part of his collection now. Instead of saving John and Mary, Sherlock has fallen into a trap that will take John away from Mary forever.

And this is where we must remember Sherlock's final vow at the wedding. No matter what it takes, he will always be there for John and Mary. No matter what he has to sacrifice, he will ensure that they get their happy ending. With Mycroft descending en masse to arrest John and Sherlock, Sherlock does the only thing he can: destroy the Appledore vaults. While Magnussen taunts the pair about Sherlocks' heroism, Sherlock grabs the gun from John's jacket and says maybe one of the best lines of the entire series: "Do you research! I'm not a hero. I'm a high functioning sociopath! MERRY CHRISTMAS!" and blows Magnussen's head off. And it will cost him everything but the true heroism is that sacrifice. Now that he has committed murder, Sherlock will be taken into custody and John will be free to go back to Mary. Sherlock has to protect them. Recall the very first episode of the series where Detective Sally Donovan tells John, "someday they'll be a body and it will be Sherlock Holmes standing over it. He gets off on this." This is the first time (and probably only time) Sherlock has committed murder but it wasn't in the name of boredom but of love. His unending love for John. Character development. It's a beautiful thing.

Mycroft, watching from a helicopter is just as lost as his brother. So how does Mycroft view Sherlock? Yes, as a child, but not in a condescending way. This is his baby brother and he loves him. Wholly and completely. What is Mycroft's pressure point? As Magnussen points out, "his junkie detective brother." Think about all the interactions we've seen from Mycroft over the years. The first time we meet him, it isn't in an adversarial role. Yes, it's odd and a little creepy but it's Mycroft trying to get John to spy on Sherlock because Mycroft is concerned for his brother. Anytime Sherlock is in danger, Mycroft drops his busy life and comes running. He even took a morning off under the pretense of discussing the terror alert only to be sucked into playing "Operation." When John got married, Mycroft seemed almost delighted that he would have his little brother back in his life again. The pretense Mycroft puts on about thinking himself superior to Sherlock and having little in the way of sentiment toward his baby brother is--you guessed it--a facade. And thus, when it comes time to punish Sherlock for his crimes, Mycroft ensures that his brother is not sent to jail but exiled out of London. It may hurt, but this is how he will protect his little brother.

And so now it's off to Eastern Europe for Sherlock with a job from MI-6, something that is predicted to kill him, but something I think Mycroft secretly believes Sherlock can survive. The goodbye between John and Sherlock isn't as emotional as fans would want it to be. There was no declaration of love for the two, no JohnLock hug. But JohnLock hugs are rare creatures that one only sees once in a blue moon. Instead, it's more lighthearted and jokey. John isn't alone anymore. Not this time. He has Mary and a child, and John will miss his best friend--of course he will--but Sherlock isn't leaving him devastated and alone like last time. And so Sherlock hops on a plane and flies off into the great blue yonder. The end. Show over. It was fun.

Oh wait. What's that? There is another scene?! Only four minutes into his exile and Sherlock Holmes is recalled to London because guess who is alive?? Yup. Moriarty. Let the game begin once more. It's on.

Please don't make me wait two years, BBC.




Miscellaneous Notes on His Final Vow

--Well this was a long one. But it was maybe one of the best hours of Sherlock I've seen. This whole season has been nothing but perfection. Normally in Sherlock, there is one episode that resonates with me less than the others. Not this season. Everything was pitch perfect. Awards for everyone--especially Martin Freeman. His portrayal of John Watson has been magnificent to watch.

--The look on Sherlock's face when he makes his decision to save John and kill Magnuseen (the image above) was just heartbreaking. It's a silent goodbye.

--Some quotes:
"Don't appall me, brother mine, when I'm high."
"Your loss would break my heart" (this one made me just cry and cry)
"Why would I bring a gun to your parents for Christmas dinner?" "So it's in your coat, then?" "Yes."
"Give Mary my love. Tell her she's safe."

--The face flicking scene was super awkward but I think it was supposed to be. In that moment, you're a lot like Sherlock who has to stand in the background watching your best friend be humiliated and know that there is nothing you can do about it.  I wonder how many takes that took.

--William Sherlock Scott Holmes. My god. Even his full name is sexy as hell. 

--Molly broke off her engagement to Tom. (yay!) And YAY for Molly being the one to literally try and slap sense into Sherlock about drugs.

--Random trivia but Sherlock's parents are played by Benedict Cumberbatch's real parents. And Mary is played by Martin Freeman's real life wife.

--According to rumors there will be two more seasons of Sherlock. Praise the lord.

--Is there another Holmes brother? Mycroft made a very passing reference to it. Betcha it comes up in S4 or S5. 

--How did Moriarty survive blowing his head off? Your guess is as good as mine.

In Which I Review Dracula (1x8)

Do the characters on this show think things through? Is logic something that has vanished from the Dracula world? Bad decision after bad decision followed by yet another horrible decision. This weeks episode, "Come to Die," is really a filler piece in which couples break up, new couples are formed, and the writers try to push the characters into their final emotional upheaval before the end of the season/series. Side note but what a stupid title. Was it supposed to be menacing and scary? Was it supposed to illicit danger? Cause this episode was really just an exercise in sex and romance.

In all honesty, I have a lot of notes but most of it is laughter in written text. Lots of "omg! touching!" Dracula is still stalking Mina; Mina admits she is drawn to Dracula; Harker is more worried about himself; Lucy tries to seduce Harker only to have Harker run away; and Lady Ninja breaks up with Dracula because he is obviously in love with Mina. It was the dance/sex that gave it away. Gee, you think?

Let's just go one by one because honestly there isn't a whole lot to say. We did get a glimpse into pre-Dracula's love Eiona (I think I've been calling her Elosha). Surprise, surprise, the entire romance of Vlad and Eiona was one giant romp in the hay. They didn't even speak. They just looked sexily at each other before the soldiers burst in to take Vlad away. Trying to draw from history, the order moved against Vlad for his crimes (erm) and horrendous actions against the Turks. Well. Ok. Sure. But no. Anyway, that's why the Order turned him into a vampire. Because how do you solve the problem of a megalomaniac with a penchant for putting heads on pikes? TURN HIM INTO AN IMMORTAL MONSTER OF NIGHT OF COURSE! And then seal all records so that the Order can never learn about him. Which makes about as much as anything else on this show. No, really. Try. Try to explain to me why the Order turned him into a Vampire and then covered it all up so that everyone in the present day Order of the Dragon thinks Dracula/Vlad the Impaler is a myth. Go ahead. I'll wait.

In the present day Mina can't escape the draw of Dracula and his dance/sex. She admits to her father (who is now present for some reason when he wasn't before) that she is having second thoughts about Harker. But then Harker shows up and tells Mina that Grayson is a fraud who is manipulating everyone. And because Mina is SUPER SMART she goes to confront Dracula and they have a fight. Oh angst! The fight with Mina causes Dracula to loose his cool and scream and rage and attack Renfield. Dude, I know that you're upset cause your main squeeze is all huffy with you this week but you can't go around hurting Renfield. Renfield is like your lobster. You can't hurt your lobster. In an effort to apologize to Mina, Dracula goes to talk to her only to find her under attack by thugs. This is for some reason that I think was actually explained but I was too busy looking away from Dracula ripping off limbs and tearing out throats. I asked for more violence from the King of Vampires and I finally got it. Too bad it wasn't to feed but save his precious Mina from getting her face burned off with acid. And because Dracula is just the smartest cookie EVER, he places the dead attackers on pikes in front of the Order's house.

Jane has come into some very important information. Or rather, it'd be important if this show could remember that it's supposed to be about vampires and not ALL THE SHIPS. Going out in her very Victorian (sarcasm) vampire hunting leathers, Jane learns that Dracula is indeed real/alive and in London making vampires who bend to his every whim. The Order is very alarmed by this, so they spend the whole episode doing nothing. Because by alarmed, I meant that they think Dracula is a myth and Lady Jane is wrong. Why would you doubt Lady Jane!? She clearly has a head for vampires. I mean, she has been sleeping with one since the pilot. Lady Jane knows her vampires. But in the midst of hunting Dracula, Jane breaks up with Alexander Grayson who is totally devastated. LOL. No, he's not. He won and he bested her and now he can go back to stalking Mina 24/7.

In another corner of the world, Lucy tries her hardest to seduce Harker who manages to hold out until he commits murder. Yes, you read that right. How did this occur? Through a long winding road that makes very little sense. Short version: Harker learned that Dracula has been playing him; Lord L's father (old guy in stuffy suits) learned that Mina is whom Alexander Grayson loves most in the world and sent mercenaries after her; Dracula saves Mina; Harker learns that it was Lord L's father and goes after him. Once Harker gets to Lord L's father's it is revealed that Dracula has an obsession with Mina and Harker, in a fit of rage and idiocy, shoots Lord L's father. And then, because Harker has proved himself a sensible fellow, goes to Lucy's where they do the horizontal hustle. Lucy was thrilled about this (no she wasn't but that was the plan all along). Meanwhile, while Lucy and Harker (StiffVixen) were having le sexy times, Dracula sits beside an unconscious Mina and tells her "I belong to you and you belong to me." Oh very romantic. (Sarcasm)

Miscellaneous Notes on Come to Die

--Ok, it was an appalling episode. And maybe the best one yet. I'm into this show for it's utter horridness. It's truly terrible. Keep it coming, Dracula

--Van Helsing kidnapped little kids. Good move.

--Apparently Jane's boss (whom I've been calling Monty) is the Dragon's Head.

--Something is happening with Dracula's company. I think. I'm not sure. I don't think I care either.

In Which I Review Intelligence (1x1)

When it comes to deciding what new TV show to watch, you can't go wrong with sticking to actors you've enjoyed in the past. When Intelligence was announced, I wasn't necessarily drawn to the actual plot of the show so much as I really like the two lead actors. Josh Holloway is forever cemented in my head as the sarcastic bad-boy-with-the-heart-of-gold con man James "Sawyer" Ford on LOST, one of the shows that changed the whole way I view TV.  Meghan Ory played Little Red Riding Hood (and the wolf!)/Ruby on Once Upon a Time for the first two seasons. Both are good actors who have given me "TV happiness" in the past, so I figured Intelligence was at least worth a peek. 
Sadly, even Holloway and Ory can't save this show. It is essentially a "Frankenstein" type premise about a new type of human entering our world and having to deal with a world that hasn't changed, but rather he has. It's nothing new or unique; in fact, NBC had a much more successful attempt at this concept with Chuck a few years back. Let's break it down. 

Gabriel Vaughn 
Short version: secret agent man with computer in his head.
Long version: Gabriel is "a gift;" a man with a rare genetic mutation that made him perfect for a new experiment, Vaughn is a veteran of the Afghanistan/Iran conflict. He is already a fantastic solider, even if he's uncooperative, insubordinate, sarcastic, myopic and unbearable. So, he's Sawyer but with a new haircut. It's not really Josh Hollway's fault; that's the price of being part of the one of the most significant shows in the past 10 years. Sawyer was so well crafted and portrayed that TV execs would be simpletons to not try and recreate him. But while Gabriel was unlocking doors with his brain and beating Chinese enemies to a pulp, all I could think of was how much better it would come across if his shirt was off and there was a black smoke monster chasing him. And, as is now required in dramas such as this, the cold exterior belies a wounded soul. Gabriel lost his wife Emelia recently; the official line on Emelia is that she was an enemy of the state and died in an attack she was meant to stop but turned traitor. Of course, this is probably all hogwash and Emelia is most likely alive and never intended to betray anyone. It's all very predictable.

Gabriel, after loosing his wife, underwent the "Clockwork" trials which is described as "the Manhattan project for the 21st Century." In other words, he's the newest most deadly weapon the USA possess. Because of his rare genetic mutation, Gabriel was able to undergo surgery and have a computer chip implanted in his brain. This chip allows him to access all wireless telecommunications and process it like a computer. He can sense technology and "read" it before anyone else. He can also use that technology to his own advantage: like unlocking private files, manipulating locks, and setting up "crime boards" that only he can see that allow him to analyze crime scenes like a giant computer but the with the advantage of having a soldier/cop instincts. It's nothing new. All the cops and forensic analysts in TV are supremely smart, without having chips in their head. The major selling point for the show to advertisers isn't "another cop procedural" it's "look how hot Josh Holloway is!" I foresee a lot of brooding stares into the distance in the future of this show.

Riley Neal

Ory plays Riley Neal, secret service agent wunderkind. A loyal, brave, protector who has recently received accommodation from the President for protecting his children, she was hand selected for the job of protecting Gabriel. And of course, Gabriel wants nothing to do with her; he doesn't need protecting and he certainly doesn't need some this girl to do it. He is however at least moderately intrigued by her. Gabriel's chip allows him to "read"people, meaning that just by looking at you, he can download all your personal history and know everything about you. I have no idea how as people are not wireless machines. Anyway, turns out Riley has a sealed juvenile record. It takes the whole episode but the bonding moment between the Gabriel and Riley comes when Riley finally tells him what the record was: she killed her abusive step father.
It was at this point that I actually wrote OMG, she's KATE. Did they try and get Evangiline Lily but found her too busy with shooting the Hobbit 2? Ory even looks like Kate from LOST. The writers have tried to recreate Skate from LOST but with the added "cop drama" twist that is neither new nor interesting. I can't get a read on Ory's character, Riley. She's exactly what you expect her to be. Snarky and won't take any of Gabriel's lip but is also uniquely qualified for this job, reluctant at first but agrees in the end to babysit. There is also a lack of chemistry between Gabriel and Riley, which is surprising given that both actors ooze sexuality in their own right.

There are some more minor characters such as Lillian Strand, head of the service that has Gabriel under their wing. I really have no idea which intelligence service. Was it left vague? Did I miss that part of the show? Mostly, Strand's main role in the pilot was as "exposition lady." She gives Riley the background on the Clockwork project and on Gabriel himself. But outside of that, she did very little in the action portions of the show. Most likely, Strand has some sort of unique background or story--there was mention of a father who is brought up without needing to be explained meaning that he is someone everyone just knows. Her combative relationship with Gabriel is better than Riley's with Gabriel. There is at least some spark with Strand/Gabriel.

There is also Dr. Shenandoah Cassidy (yes, really) who is the creator of the computer chip that Gabriel has in his head. He is like a father figure to Gabriel which means that Gabe has no family of his own. Naturally. The broody sulky broken soldier can't have a happy family, goes against the trope! Cassidy's main role in the episode was to be kidnapped and forced to operate on a Chinese agent, implanting a second chip to make her into a super solider. The Chinese didn't think it worked, but of course it really did, as the last few seconds of the show demonstrated (that was supposed to be the big "hook" for the show but it was flat as it was way too predictable.) I suspect Dr. Cassidy will be kidnapped at regular intervals both to prove just how valuable Gabe's chip is and to further the story of Gabe and Cassidy.

Overall Grade: C-
Skip it. 

I'm sorry to say but the only thing I can recommend about this show are the graphics, which were very good. The storyline is nothing new but rather full of familiar TV tropes that just has a new hot male lead who will be popular with the female viewers. I won't be watching the show after this one. It was lazy, sleepy, and the whole time I was looking at the clock wondering how much time it had left. Josh Holloway's return to TV isn't long for this world and looks like Ory really did get royally screwed by the ONCE execs who let her go after making her a series regular. I had hoped this show would be successful enough to justify what Adam and Eddy did to Ory, but I don't think it's meant to be.

In Which I Review Sherlock (3x2)

I'll say this for Sherlock: the writers sure do know how to break a fandom. After this week's episode, "The Sign of Three" I have to wonder if the writers secretly sit on Tumblr and read fanfic at AO3 and that's how they come up with their scripts. The episode was, essentially, a love letter to the internet culture fandom and to the JohnLock shippers, of whom there are many. MANY. It's the wedding day of John and Mary and Sherlock is tasked with his most important and difficult task yet: delivering the best man speech at John's ceremony. He can fight criminals and solve murders and outsmart everyone else in the room, but ask him to speak in public about his only friend and Sherlock becomes a socially awkward stutterer incapable of forming a single thought. And of course, he somehow manages to insult everyone. But under the exterior is a man who, I think, has a very big heart. Especially when it comes to his best friend. 

I want to start this review with some negatives. If you're not a die hard fangirl/boy of the show, meaning you have no idea what JohnLock is and you've never ventured into the wilds that is Tumblr, then this episode probably felt disjointed and unfocused. I'm having a hard time deciding if this was a good Sherlock episode when compared to others. When it comes to a typical episode, there are certain things you expect: an intricately woven crime plot, Sherlock being unbearable, John being compassionate, and a sense of awe at everything that happens. If that is the grading rubric, then this episode only met a few criteria. For one, the crime plot of someone trying to murder John's former commanding officer, Major Sholto, was almost too bizarre and intricate to follow properly. It involved several unsolved mysteries, a lot of flashbacks, and sweeping scenes of Benedict Cumberbatch making Sherlock almost manic in his final attempts to solve the crime (while delivering a best man speech). For the second episode in a row, the main crime drama takes a back seat to the relationship of John and Sherlock. If you think about the series opener 2 years ago, "A Study in Pink," and compare it to season three so far, I think it's fair to say that the actual mysteries that Doyle wrote aren't as tight in the modern adaption anymore. I saw a lot of jokes yesterday on Tumblr and Twitter that this episode was written by the fans. And I think, knowing realistically that it was penned by real writers, that joke might have some merit to it. But does that make the episode good or bad? It's a tough call. As a die hard fangirl who ships JohnLock (in a non-romantic soul mate kind of way) I was thrilled to the point of tears and ecstasy. But the television lover who enjoyed Sherlock first and foremost for the plot was confused and underwhelmed.

However, a fangirl I am and because of that, most of this review will be me gushing over how much Sherlock loves John. Let's talk about Sherlock himself for a second. He is, as he tells us frequently, a high functioning sociopath. He is cold and calculating and could probably figure out a way to murder you and get away with it. He toys with people and with words. Prior to meeting John, he literally had no concept of affection for others. Other humans bother him because they are all so very stupid. He has no issue tearing down people to their face--pointing out their flaws--because it never occurs to him that he is being rude or hurtful. Sherlock cannot conceive of being someone's best friend because he doesn't understand what friendship even means. So when John asks Sherlock to be his best man because he is one of the two people John loves most in this world (cue freak out #1), Sherlock literally doesn't understand. It simply does not compute in his brain that anyone could have any sort of affection for him because he has no affection for anyone in return. The best mans speech, which comprises most of the episode itself, is a series of flashbacks to John and Sherlock solving cases and being together in the weeks and months leading up the wedding. The first one finds John sitting in Sherlock's kitchen at 221B Baker Street trying very hard to ask Sherlock to be his best man. This flashback is maybe one of the most touching moments on the show (and the fact that the internet is still standing is a miracle because I'm fairly certain that we broke Tumblr last night). Once Sherlock finally realizes what John is asking he goes catatonic for the longest time while his super human brain tries to process that someone could love him. When he finally snaps out of it, his only question is "you mean I'm your best friend?" John smiles slightly and says, "Course. Yes of course you are. You're my best friend."

In the present day, back at the wedding, as Sherlock is telling this part of the story, John gets emotional and asks Mary to hold him back if he tries to hug Sherlock to which Mary replies, "absolutely not." Oh, I like her. I like her a lot. Sherlock is finally able to articulate his feelings to John in that moment and (cue freak out #2) says: "So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anyone's best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest, kindest, and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. Today you are sitting between the woman you love and the man you saved. In short, the two people who love you most in the all the world." And then IT happened. THEY HUGGED. John gets up and they hug. And the fandom DIED. I'm not kidding. My Twitter was full of nothing but loud screaming and internet-speak freakout. For myself, I went running downstairs to my mom to announce that they had hugged, something that failed to impress her as she has never seen the show. Three years the Sherlockians been waiting for a JohnLock hug. Why is it such a big deal? Because of who Sherlock is. He is not one who demonstrates affection. It doesn't jive with him. The one time he was really at a loss for words was when Irene Adler tried to seduce him by being stark naked. When Lestrade hugged Sherlock in last weeks episode, he groaned and tried to fight it off. Sherlock and Mycroft have never even shook hands so far as I can remember. And there is John, his soul mate, wrapping his arms around him in an effort to show love--plain and simple agape. And the best part: Sherlock accepts and gives it back.

A lot of this episode dealt with how life may or may not change for John and Sherlock once John and Mary are hitched. It's a thing that does happen: couple gets married, couple does couple things with other couples and the BFF of yesteryear is forgotten. Sherlock, having been alone his whole life, is suddenly faced with the real possibility that he may loose the only person who has ever meant anything to him and is terrified, to the point of looking up how to fold origami swans on YouTube. And this is why I think I love Mary so much. She doesn't want to break up JohnLock. In fact, I think she sorta loves Sherlock as an awkward older brother. Mary begins to send them both out on cases, claiming that she is doing it for the other. She tells Sherlock to get John out of the house because he is a nightmare with wedding planning, and she tells John to get Sherlock out of the house to prove that nothing between them will change. We learn a bit more about Mary this episode. Her family is gone but we don't know how but I suspect it has something to do with out big bad, Magnussen. During the "telegraph readings" (British people have cute traditions), Mary gets one from CAM--Charles Augustus Magnussen--and she looks terrified for just the briefest second. How do they know each other? Did Magnussen kill her family? I really need Mary to not be evil. It would break both John and Sherlock's heart because Sherlock has really taken a shine to her.

The second part of the non-crime related flashback is John's stag night which Sherlock has carefully planned so that they get pleasantly buzzed but not drunk. Yeah, that didn't work. They end up totally wasted, lying on Baker Street's steps talking about Sherlock's reputation before moving on to play drinking games. Drunk Sherlock is my new favorite thing. There were so many great quotes and moments from this flashback that I simply can't do them justice here. And of course, at that moment, a client comes and wants their help with a case. So drunk John and Sherlock run off to her apartment to investigate a ghost but are far too drunk to solve anything. Sherlock's brain, which normally analyzes everything, can only spew dribble like "sleeeeeeeeeep" and calling a chair a "sitty down thing." They end up in jail much to Lestrade's delight. Back in the present day wedding, as Sherlock is telling this story, he gets emotional one more time and tells everyone that "this man saved my life so many times and in so many ways." (freak out #3) The best man's speech is interrupted by the crime drama catching up to the present day action and once more Sherlock and John work together to catch a killer. It wasn't the best crime plot they've ever done and mostly I just wanted to get back to JohnLock.


The final moments, once the perpetrator is arrested, finds Sherlock playing his violin for Mary and John as they share their first waltz as a married couple before giving them one more moment: he tells Mary that she is pregnant. It's a shocking moment for John and Mary but once they recover, John and Sherlock are ecstatic for each other. Sherlock tells them that they are already fantastic parents and they'll "hardly need me around when you have a real baby" to which many smiles are given. Sherlock doesn't make vows normally so he gives his first and last vow here: "no matter what it takes, I will always be there for all three of you." (freak out #4) Uncle Sherlock already loves this baby. The one thing that does worry me was Mary's reaction. She seemed both happy but scared, not totally out of the ordinary but with next week being the season finale and Magnaussen taking center stage, I'm worried for Mary and her baby. And to add fuel to this fire, the final episode of the season is called "His Last Vow." Interpret what you will, but I think next week is going to be a roller coaster for all involved. Sherlock leaves the wedding early, as Mary and John celebrate. What does that mean? It's hard to know. On the one hand, Sherlock isn't a party person. He isn't comfortable around others. But at the same time, on the other hand, it might signal that despite promises, things do change. Life will be different for JohnLock.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Sign Of Three

--A random smattering of excellent quotes:
--"They're right. You're a psychopath." "A high functioning sociopath. With your telephone number."
"I learned it on YouTube..."
"Two people changed my life. Mary and---"
"NURSE?!"
"Am I the current King of England?"
"Am I a pretty lady?"
"The game is...something." "On?" "Yeah. That."
"He's clueing for looks."
"John Watson, you keep me right."
"You're not a puzzle solver. You're a drama queen."
"I love dancing."

--Sherlock did a little ballerina dance. And perfectly too.

--The main crime was just too complicated for me to get into properly. A dead guard, a mayfly man, and a disgraced major in the army. It might take one or two more watches to really get it.

--I feel really bad for Molly. Despite being engaged to Tom, she is clearly still in love with Sherlock. Now SherLolly is a romantic ship I can get behind.

--Random appearance of "the woman" Irene Adler. Naked, of course.

--One more episode. How is that possible? Will it return? No one is really sure. It's one of the BBC's highest rated shows but Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are becoming Hollywood elite. Would they stick around? Hard to say.

In Which I Review Dracula (1x7)

Readers, how much would you judge me for admitting to have missed this show? 
Not because it's an magnificantly constructed medium of art or because the plot is pitch perfect. I don't think I actually know what is going on within the show itself. There are plots and random people who appear out of nowhere. No,  but because of the absolute absurdity that only seems to grow with each passing episode. I could care less what is happening plot wise: lights, coolant, magic, mysterious pictures, white aristocratic male orders of doom...who cares? I'm in it for the crazy relationships. Over the break my friend and I continued to speculate about "who would get Mina?" Would Jonathan keep his fiancee? Would Lucy manage to convert Mina? Would Dracula finally get more than long looks and dance/sex? This weeks episode, "Servant to Two Masters" dealt with our characters having to decide between two forces, both of which are appealing in their own right but always one more outweighing the other. Oh, and there was a lot of sexing. Bonus! 

 Dracula is a stalker. Like a creepy has-your-exact-schedule-memorized type of stalker. Now that he can be out in the sunlight (for about four hours at a time), Dracula is spending all his time following Mina around, "bumping" into her in the park. How sweet! (Note: sweet is not an adjective I should be using to describe the King of Vampires.) And Mina doesn't seem to mind. After the dance/sex at the engagement party, Mina is much more accomadating to Dracula's presence, going so far as to listen to his suggestions about dealing with mental patients. Dancing. It's the key to everything. (sex alert! sex alert!) Dracula's two masters are pretty obvious: his need for blood and gore as a vampire and his desire to not be an abomination and be a man again. Dracula is going cold turkey (because that's exactly what Bram Stoker had in mind when he wrote the novel.) No blood, no feasting: "I will live as a man or not at all." And thus Dracula has developed the shakes and cold sweats, something everyone notices. He is trying to serve the master of his choice, humanity, but he is a vampire after all and it's not long before he is covered in blood, having feasted on a poor policeman who made the mistake of getting in Dracula's way.

And then there is Mina. Poor simpering stupid Mina who probably couldn't make a decision to save her life. Remember the last time we saw her, she was disrobing and doing the horizontal hustle with Harker, her fiance. And yet she spends the whole episode as the object of Dracula's long stares and wooing and seems absolutely fine with it. I'm sure I'm supposed to infer that this is because "Macula" is true love and they are each others soul mates and it's destiny and something else trite but I'm too busy laughing at how Mina runs from one person to the next. I hope Dracula, Harker and Lucy get together and decide to have an orgy between themselves, leaving out Mina because they've realized how much of a tease she is. Mina's two masters are fairly obvious: the proper life she is supposed to want with Harker who is becoming increasingly distant and absent as he gets wrapped into the Order's world, and Dracula himself, the sexy smoldering bad boy who...dances...well. Of course Mina and Dracula end up dancing again this episode. And this time by themselves, no witnesses (except for Mina's father who simply walk off, undisturbed). And Dracula, who has been abstaining from blood is sorely tempted to turn Mina then and there. His fangs keep popping out (Metaphor alert! Sex alert!) But even Dracula can't be loyal to Mina when his desires begin running. Dracula too often finds himself courting Ninja Lady, advising her, and having sexy time with her. When Mina does realize who she really is (as we know she must) what will she think of Dracula's time with Ninja? And what will Dracula think of Mina's exploits with Harker?

Speaking of Harker and Ninja, our Lady Jane has quite the idiotic cunning plan to ensure that Mina stays away from Dracula (except that it's completely nonsensical.) Lucy, distraught over Mina's rejection of her, comes running to Ninja only to have Ninja instruct her in the art of seduction--to seduce Harker. Yes, you read that right. Not to seduce Mina, but to seduce Harker. The lessons of seduction include touching, patting, long looks, and licking. Yes, licking. There was actual face licking between Lucy and Jane. It led to a passionate kiss, but first there was licking. And if you listen carefully, you can hear me dying of laughter. Why does Jane think this is a good plan? Think about it: Harker hooks up with Lucy; Mina finds out and leaves Harker. Where would she go? To whom would she turn? Dracula obviously! Jane, why do you think this plan will keep Dracula and Mina apart? I think your corset is too tight and blood is draining from your bleached head. And of course Jane continues to live in la-la land about Dracula: he's out in the daylight so he can't be a vampire. And he bought her roses so it must be true love!

Lucy, of course, wastes no time putting Lady Jane's lessons into practice on Harker. And it was hysterical. First, how did Lucy even get invited to Harker's pants fitting? "Oh Jonathan, I simply must go along with you to watch you try on pants?" And then, when the opportunity arises (pun intended) Lucy finds herself on her keens in front of him, coping a feel, running her hands up and down his legs, pretending to measure him (sex alert!) I've decided Harker and Lucy will be called StiffVixen. Harker just stands there and watches her, obviously enjoying it. So now we've got Lucy and Harker making eyes at one another, Dracula and Mina having dance/sex, Ninja and Lucy licking one another, and Ninja and Dracula having sex every episode. This is fantastic. Is there a plot happening? I'm sure there is, but honestly who needs plot when you have this menage-a-stupid. Will Harker fall for Lucy's advances? Of course he will. And then poor virginal Lucy will sleep with Harker, Mina will be devastated and Dracula will be there with his popped up fangs (sex alert!)

Miscellaneous Notes on Servant to Two Masters

--As I look over my notes, I think there was an actual plot I was supposed to be following this week. Harker found out Dracula has been playing him for a fool and ends up making a deal with the Order; Renfield goes to Germany to buy a picture of Mina from her former lifer as Elona, wife of Dracula; someone poisons milk and ruins Dracula's magic coolant light show.

--The theme of serving two masters did play out with most of our characters, I must admit. Dracula: blood and Mina; Mina: Harker and Dracula; Ninja: Dracula and the Order;  Lucy: Mina and revenge; Harker: Dracula and the Order. 

--Dracula threatened to kill Van Helsing. Good idea Dracula. TELL the people you plan to kill that you plan to kill them.

--Why did Mina's father not care about the dance/sex? And why is he suddenly around? Where was he when Mina was at opium dens, drinking absinth, and having sex with Harker?

--The dance/sex this time was just as hot. And also awkward with Dracula almost kissing Mina and the fighting the urge to drain her.

--Who is the man in the hat with the marks on his face? (another random character that I couldn't care less about?) Will he want Mina too?

--I think we have 3 or 4 more episodes left of this show. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

In Which I Review Sherlock (3x1)

"He's got on with his life."
"What life? I've been away!" 

2 years have passed since we watched Sherlock Holmes jump from the top of Bart's Medical School and land, head first, on the pavement in front of John Watson. Presumed dead by his loved ones, only the audience watching at home knew that Sherlock had somehow faked his death and was really alive, watching from a distance. Since its inception, the BBC's Sherlock (headed by Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat and writer Mark Gatiss) has become a sensation. Benedict Cumberbatch is the reigning king of Tumblr; JohnLock is one of the most popular non-canon ships in fandom and wool trench coats have made a very serious come back. In the intervening two years, fans have become their very own "Empty Hearse" club, trying to piece together how Sherlock faked his death and, perhaps more importantly, how John Watson would react when Sherlock inevitably came back. In the first episode of the third season, "The Empty Hearse," the next villain is teased, cases are rapidly solved, and John and Sherlock try to reconnect after Sherlock reveals himself to be very much alive. 

Who is Sherlock Holmes without John Watson? It's almost a nonsensical question; the two go together like peanut butter and jelly. They just make more sense combined. For two years, Sherlock has been traveling the globe dismantling Moriarty's criminal network, one by one. In that time only his brother Mycroft, his parents, and coroner Molly Hooper knew that Sherlock was alive. Poor John Watson has been living under a dark cloud of having lost his very best friend, his other half. It has been incredibly hard for John; he has been avoiding former landlady Mrs. Hudson, avoiding 221B Baker Street and has grown a rather sad looking mustache. However, Sherlock doesn't quite "get" this struggling. It never really occurs to him that he hurt John deeply when he jumped to his death two years ago. Sherlock assumes he can just show up at dinner and have John embrace him with open arms and the two can go back to their lives--solving crimes, blogging Sherlock's life, and living their life together. What Sherlock doesn't count on is John's outrage at being lied to.

The reunion between the two was perfect, really spot on. It combined everything I love about the show: it was intricate and fast paced, wonderfully acted, heartbreaking and funny at the same time. Watching Sherlock move through the restaurant, swindling people out of their ties, eyeliner, and menus was a classic Sherlock move. I had to shake my head in amusement that Sherlock thought the best way to reunite with John was with a fake mustache and funny French accent. As Sherlock admits later, he really knows nothing of human nature. And of course, John is in the middle of trying to propose to Mary Cooper, the woman who put him back together after Sherlock left. When the deception is finally lifted, the raw hurt on John's face was devastating. Last season, John stood at Sherlock's grave and begged his best friend for a miracle, to be alive again. And just when John thought he could move on, Sherlock is back in his life. I have to give props to Martin Freeman who has always done John Watson justice but in this episode he really brought the dichotomy of being joyful and hurt at Sherlock's reappearance. Of course the reunion does not go as planned and Sherlock and John proceed to get into a fist fight...three times.

Does it matter how Sherlock faked his death? It's one of the big questions of the episode. I have to wonder if even Moffat and Gatiss know. The episode ran through several scenarios before we got what is probably the answer but left ambiguous enough to make fans crazy. I have to admit, my favorite was that Moriarty and Sherlock were in it together, as lovers. What a nice nod to the internet culture fandom--the Sherlockians--from which several ships have emerged. The short version of "how Sherlock did it" is this: it was an intricate plan that involved a bouncy blue air bag, a corpse, the homeless network, and precision timing. I figured it was something along those lines, though I did not expect a giant blue air bag. However, as Anderson points out, even this story has it flaws and therefore we are left to question whether or not that is how it really happened. The main drive of this episode isn't the "how" or even the "why"--the first is complicated and the second is simple, Sherlock had a mission and couldn't trust John not to say anything. The main drive is how the "why" impacted John and by extension the friendship between the two men. And I think that is what hurts John the most. His best friend, his roommate, his--for wont of a better word--soulmate didn't trust him to tell him that he was not really dead. There are consequences to every action and perhaps Sherlock's consequence is that he looses John.

There is a main crime plot to this episode--a plan to blow up Parliament on Guy Fawkes day--but the drive of the episode is really how John and Sherlock manage to come back together, as we know they must. Apart they make no sense, but together they are extraordinary. It's amazing that the writers kept them apart for most of the episode. Sherlock reopens his business of solving the crimes no one else can, but he is obviously bored without John. He tries to bring Molly along but can't stop hearing John in his head. Molly, despite being adorable and totally in love with Sherlock, can't replace John. And John, watching the clock tick by, deals with patients who have easily solvable medical problems. There is no thrill, no chase. Both of them are bored stiff, especially now that they have been tenuously reunited. Sherlock gave John the rush he craves and John gave Sherlock a sense of belonging. John is more or less forced back into Sherlock's life when he is kidnapped and almost set ablaze. Always in danger are people forced to examine their relationships and forgive. So of course John and Sherlock end up in an underground tube station with a bomb.

The crime plot of this episode was fascinating and fast paced and complicated as all Sherlock plots are and while I have no desire to linger on it for too long, the real meat is in John and Sherlock's interactions, the basic of the plot involve a missing tube carriage, a lot of explosives, and a session of Parliament. John and Sherlock end up alone on the carriage with a ticking bomb and no way out. And there in the final moments before the explosion, Sherlock asks John for his forgiveness--he deeply repents all the pain he has caused John. John is suspicious, as he should be, that his is a trick of Sherlock's to get John to forgive him but the moment still feels real, even though I suspected it was a trick. It doesn't matter what Sherlock did, John loves him and forgives him in the end. Of course, it's a trick and Sherlock turned off the bomb but played it up to make John forgive him. It's a total Sherlock move the only way Sherlock knows how to ask for forgiveness because he is incapable of just coming out and asking, but at least the two are back on speaking terms. The end of the episode has one final touching moment between the two where Sherlock tells John he heard him at the gravestone. And now it's time to move forward; after all, someone out there tried to kill John and Sherlock doesn't like not knowing who.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Empty Hearse

--There was a lot going on this episode that I didn't talk about because the real focus was John and Sherlock. For example: there were several smaller cases that got solved, we met Sherlock and Mycroft's parents, Molly is engaged to an obvious Sherlock look alike.

--John is now engaged to Mary, but I'm not sure if it'll last. In the original books, Mary dies and I suspect that she may not be who she says here. She solved that text code awful fast for a receptionist/nurse. Could she be a spy?

--The villain is Magnussen, if case no one knew. Moriarty may be Sherlock's arch enemy, but Magnussen is the man he hates most. I look forward to see how this plays out

--Have to give a lot of credit to Mark Gatiss who was pulling double duty this episode (he does it a lot come to think of it). He crafted an almost perfect script and was busy playing Mycroft. The scenes between Mycroft and Sherlock, in which they "play" deductions and discuss loneliness, were pitch perfect. Mycroft doesn't know what it means to be lonely because he's never had a friend but Sherlock did and now he's lonely, missing John.

--Thank God John shaved that mustache; it was pretty horrible.

--Lestrade hugged Sherlock. Adorable. 

--I really wanted a JohnLock hug! Hopefully before the end of the season we get one.