Tuesday, September 9, 2014

In Which I Review Under the Dome (2x11)

And now the Dome is shrinking. Did I really just write that? Yes, yes I did. This was yet another in a long line of useless episodes. I had hope when the season began because "Heads Will Roll" managed to be decent enough to recapture my interest. Sadly now, I am just muddling through, trying to pass each hour without too much complaint. Which never works, let's face it. This weeks episode, "Black Ice," wanted to create tension and drama but since the episode ended with the threat resolved--as is the running motif thus far this season--the danger never felt real in the first place. Of course Julia was never in any danger; of course the climate would fix itself; of course Melanie would be just fine. See? Moments like this only work if I believe the character is truly in danger, which none of them ever were. 

 Like last week, this is going to be a short one. The Dome is rotating. And as it does, explains Science Teacher Pine who has officially become number one on my "please die" list, it is pulling the atmosphere closer...or something. I don't know. It's cold, let's put it that way. So cold, in fact, that over the course of this one episode, people go from wearing light sweaters to heavy winter coats and being in danger of frostbite. The clinic was shut down, so everyone moves into the highs school for warmth. Julia and Barbie decide to make a pit run for something (honestly I can't recall what) and, as the title of this episode suggests, skid out on black ice. My interest level in the romance between these two is next to nothing. Julia has forgotten that Barbie killed her husband and that in reality she has only known him for maybe two weeks. But there they are, huddled together under blankets with a tiny candle professing their love for one another. When the ambulance hit that patch of black ice, Julia went flying and landed on a metal pole that went right through her leg. That's a shame. The walkie talkie is dead (of course) and if Barbie removes the pole, Julia could bleed out. That's a shame, Barbie. So they huddle and make jokes. Until Barbie remembers that by suffering hypothermia, he can pull out the pole and Julia's heart will have slowed enough to prevent bleeding out. Somehow he carries the red head all the way back to the restaurant and brings her back to life and blah blah blah. True love wins out or something like that. Seriously, if I can sum up the entire major plot point of this episode in one paragraph, it's a problem writers!

 This is a hilarious picture. It's like something out of the Exorcist, except much less intriguing and interesting. So while Barbie and Julia are freezing in a turned over car, Melanie is suffering from her loss of the precious. Whatever connection she has to the egg manifests in physical reactions. When someone does something to the egg, Melanie feels it. That's a shame. Melanie is getting weaker and sadder and weepier and more bloody annoying. She is number two on my "please die" list. Melanie and Pauline reconnect as only a previously dead teenager and a middle aged mother can. Sarcasm, it was in that sentence. Pauline, though, is committed to finishing what she, Mel, Lloyd, and Sam started. Whatever the bloody hell that means. Started? Did you start something? You found a thing, freaked out, killed a girl, and buried the body. You didn't start anything so much as have a series of unfortunate events. Pauline also has a kind moment with Big Jim in which you can see that maybe at one point she did love the former high school football star turned thug. That's a shame.

Of course, no one is in any danger whatsoever. The temps begin to rise at the end of the episode to the point where people in winter coats just 10 seconds before can walk freely to the edge of the Dome wearing plain old early Fall-wear. Really? Temps do not change that fast! Even inside a magically revolving gold fish bowl! Joey and Norrie realize that Hunter was working with the Men in Black (not the cool variety) and confront him about it, but Hunter explains that the Men in Black have leverage on him...which we already knew. This was explained to us, the audience, already. You are wasting my time, Under the Dome, with this pointless exposition! At the Dome wall, the magical goldfish bowl begins to scream, something it's never done before. Melanie's eyes open and says, "it's starting!" That's a shame. Then, suddenly, the Dome walls begin to contract in on its self because..yes...you guessed it...the Dome is shrinking. Oh save me from these ridiculous plot points.

Miscellaneous Notes on Black Ice

--RIP random nobody we've never heard of or cared about!

--Big Jim finds Lyle in the Lake. In 2 degree weather. Alive. Talking. And fine. Hint: NO! If Big Jim is in danger of getting severe frost bite from only being outside for a few minutes then by God, Lyle should be DEAD after treading water for who knows how long.

--"We'll all stuck here because of how much you love me!"

--Lyle is a freaky and creepy dude: "The whole world was on fire. And it was beautiful. The end is coming!!" Okay then.

--Big Jim saved Lyle for Pauline. That's a shame. 

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