Monday, November 3, 2014
In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (4x6)
Meet Belle's mother. Belle's mother is dead. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. All parents die on ONCE. That is how the series will end: all the parents dying in a blaze of glory. So, basically, Hook and Belle are left standing. Oh my god. I take it back! Dead parents on ONCE are pretty common, and I'll grant that it's a pretty common theme in fairy tales and mythology in general. But wow; ONCE just broke their record for fastest parental death ever. Even Snow and Regina got a full episode with their mother before she kicked the proverbial bucket. Belle got two minutes. I'm not kidding. I timed it. The more important thing is how Belle reacts to her mother's demise: namely she doesn't remember it because her father is an asshat. "I didn't want to add to your grief so I took away all your memories of how your mother died to protect you." What the hell? What kind of rationale is that? Especially since, when Belle does finally learn about her mother, she's over it in a hot second. "I learned a valuable lesson, Father. And now we can continue to live our lives with knowledge that heroes save people." But then, see, if they hadn't taken away Belle's memories, how could they possibly work in Frozen? They must do that at all costs! (Because Frozen is money). I'm sounding rather harsh, I know, and the truth is this episode was my second favorite of the season, though not for the flashbacks which once again attempted to shoehorn in Frozen in every single possible way.
Halloween brings out the Lovecraft in me. So, Belle has been so weighted down by her secret trip with Anna, and the fact that Belle did not try to save Anna before the Snow Queen got to her, that now she is lying her pants off--or, rather her very short skirts because Belle doesn't wear pants. In fact the guilt of all this manifests itself in a very bad way--she decides to use the dagger against Rumple. Of course, we know it isn't the real dagger, but Rumple has to play along or be caught in his tangled web of lies. Belle, very smartly, decides to go after the Snow Queen with a pick axe that is being kept stashed with the umbrellas. Belle, honey. You're supposed to be the intelligent one. Going after the Snow Queen to find a magical hat that will suck her right up is not exactly the smartest plan in the world. But, I get it. You're emotionally distressed. By the way, your husband is lying to you and if you opened your eyes a bit, you'd see it. You know, I'm actually willing to forgive this really dumb plan because what came next was at least really cool and let Belle see a different side--or reflection--of herself and it was the best bit of the episode. So off we go to the woods and the Snow Queen's Fortress of Solitude.
--Regina told Robin to learn to fall in love with his wife again. Wow. That's almost like real development.
--"I'm about to storm an evil ice cream truck."
--Hook's line about everyone being related. Yeah, that was good. See, can appreciate some things about Hook (though this was the second episode in a row that was Hook-lite and it was wonderful to get this long of a break).
--Kristoff and Sven are the best adaptations from Frozen.
--Emilie de Ravin looked gorgeous.
--I can't even make any theories because it's all a big jumbled mess. So many ideas all at once and it's hard to get attached and think about it all because I know it will be over in a few episodes and whatever they come up with won't be as cool as what I think.