Monday, October 20, 2014
In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (4x4)
I am about to break one of my cardinal rules when it comes to ONCE: do not talk about CaptainSwan. For any CSers who (for some reason...) reading this blog, first: hi. Second, kindly skip this section and move on to the next. It's bolded, like all my headings normally are. Because I am about to embark on a long rant about why I deeply hated this first date between Emma and Hook. First off, has any "date" between any two characters ever been so dramatically set up as if it's the first date between man and woman since fire was invented. Adam and Eddy can claim they don't write ships, but the whole first 20 minutes or so was, in the present, dedicated to this idea that Captain Hook and Emma Swan were about to go on their very first date. I am honestly surprised that Snow White didn't declare a public holiday or hold a parade given how over the top annoying she was about how this date is a super big deal. It's a big deal, guys. A really big deal. I mean it's not like Emma is thirty years old (or thereabouts that it doesn't make a difference). Not like she has a thirteen year old kid. Not like she's dated countless other men before, including one flying monkey. Not like she has a history of one night stands and emotionless flings. Oh wait. Except that is who Emma Swan is. Now, you can raise some hubbub about how Emma is changing and that's fine. She probably is--whether or not a woman should be required to change in order to date a man who (as this episode clearly shows) is not changing might be the next paragraph or so. But she isn't just changing the way she approaches a relationship. Emma is changing everything. Emma's is not a girly girl. She prefers tight jeans and boots and plaid. When she did go on dates, she wears outfits that scream sex and feminine power.
I'm going to move on now, so for those who skipped the CS induced rant, welcome! What happens when you make a deal with the Dark One? Hint: nothing good. Hook wants his hand back or else Hook will spill the beans to Belle that Rumple is lying to her and that he is still using the dagger for his own means. Rumple decides to play a bit of a mind trick on Hook and tells him that the hand might act the way the "old" Hook used to be, not this clearly reformed guy in a shorter leather coat. Except Hook ends up beating up poor Will (as he's trying to break into a library, so okay, as much as this pains me, props to Hook for trying to stop the unlawful breaking and entering). When Hook demands that Rumple give him his trusted hook back, Rumple informs Hook that he gave the real dagger back to Belle and therefore Hook has lost his leverage. At which point Hook tried to kill Rumple. Eeh gads. Yeah, you changed alright pirate-boy. Why is Regina looking better by the second? She's officially the only one who didn't attempt murder between season 3B and season 4. I guess give her time? Anyway, Rumple says that if Hook wants his hand, he needs to do Rumple a solid and then there's a walking broomstick. I won't lie; should this walking broomstick and Sven the Reindeer get their own spinoff, I'd watch it. Well, provided it wasn't written or even touched by Adam and Eddy, that is. The walking broomstick was clever. I enjoy clever references to Disney classics like Fantasia. Follow the broomstick! Wherever could it lead?
Oh look. Rumple knows Anna. How shocking. This part of the storyline dragged a bit, though I did think that Elizabeth Lail and Bobby played well of each other. Anna was more likable here, a little more flighty but still kinda cute. In essence, Rumple wants to use Anna to get the hat box from the old man that he will later suck into a hat. Why? Because the hat box is enchanted with a curse that can only be broken by someone who has conquered the darkness within. Sure, okay. Condense writers. That's a lot of story and a lot of ideas, none of which have ever been presented before. In fact, why is this just now coming up? If every Dark One from the dawn of time (or something) has tried to get this hat box, why is Rumple just now going after it? He manipulated an entire birth of a magical true love baby, you're telling me he couldn't manipulate someone to getting the hat box before Anna arrived from Arendelle? Anna succeeds in not giving into the darkness and Rumple uses her tears to get himself a hat box. But then Anna takes it cause the plot requires that Rumple not have the hat box...cause he's trying to find his son. You know, his whole reason for living? The person he sought for 300 years? Yeah, hat box and unlimited power ain't gonna help that, now is it.
Miscellaneous Notes on The Apprentice
--Will wound up breaking into the library and curling up next to a copy of Alice in Wonderland. A picture of the Red Queen was found in his pocket. I'm going to go ahead and say it: Anastasia is dead.
--Henry going to work for Rumple is great, EXCEPT he is manipulating Rumple using Nealfire's name to do so. It's appalling. It has nothing to do with Neal nor with Rumple, but all about helping Regina find the writer of the book. I find it disgusting that Henry is using Neal that way.
--"I, unlike you, am nice."
--Almost no Snow Queen. Feels like the story they set up last week suddenly halted in the middle of telling it.
--Henry wants Emma to be happy but isn't sure that he's okay with her dating Hook. Too bad it'll never come up again. Also, mom and kid have apparently talked about her love life, but not his dead father. Okay then.
--Hook clearly lies to Emma about how he got his hand back and her lie detector doesn't go off. Naturally.