Monday, April 21, 2014
In Which I Review Once Upon a Time (3x18)
Adam and Eddy: We want to make the Wicked Witch of the West Regina's sistrer
Me: Oh. Okay? I mean, you pretty firmly established that she was an only child and that's why Cora did everything she did--Regina was her only chance at a happy ending.
Adam and Eddy: Cora was cunning.
Me: ....sure. Let's go with that. But who is the father?
Adam and Eddy: A random guy.
Me: That's actually not bad. I'm okay with that. If it means no Rumple nor Leo, then great!
Adam and Eddy: And of course Cora and Leo almost got married.
Me: Wait. What?
Adam and Eddy: Yeah! Cora and Leo. They totally had a thing.
Me: Leo? Snow's...father?
Adam and Eddy: Yep!
Me: Leo? Regina's....husband?
Adam and Eddy: Yes, that guy.
Adam and Eddy: It totally works. And it's shocking! And imagine all the family drama!
This episode wasn't even horrible in the grand scheme of horrible episodes. It answered questions, had some honest character development, and some pretty good special affects. But the story of ONCE is slowly becoming more and more twisted and convoluted. At some point last night, my mom turned to me and said, "I have no idea what's going on or who these people are." That's a problem, ONCE. Did it have to be Leo and Eva with whom Cora got tangled? Why not just some other random prince? You know, in order to reduce the incest icky feelings I get after tonight? But I suppose that's too much to ask from this show that seems to consider constant family angst an art form.
Hello, Cora. Remember Cora? Of course you do. Of all the background family characters on the show, she's the one that matters because the writers actually develop her in a meaningful way. Our favorite Miller's Daughter turned Queen of Hearts is back once more, this time as a tavern barmaid who lives by the motto "I try to be a little better than I am." Well, that's Cora to a T. This is the girl who stole a dress, a mask, and walked boldly into a ball in order to seduce the Prince and ended up claiming she could spin straw into gold. But in this episode, Cora is still the Miller's Daughter; Rumple and Henry Sr are in the future and Cora only cares about what other people can give her. Enter a handsome stranger with bedroom eyes, a silky voice, and promises of a better life. Jonathan is a pig, isn't he? Sadly, he's a very realistic depiction of some men in the world. Bed 'em and leave 'em, that's his motto. Posing as a prince, Jonathan promises Cora the world--a crown, wealth, power, money, a good life. And Cora eats it up, which is surprising. I get that Cora is supposed to be younger and more naive here, but Cora has never been stupid and she is being portrayed as such. Clearly Cora knows who the monarchy is; she recognizes Prince Leo right away. But for this man in a seedy bar with a small embroidered kerchief, she is a simpleton. When Jonathan says he's a prince, she believes it. When Jonathan says he'll marry her in two weeks with a real ring, she believes it. And when Jonathan says he must leave early in the morning, Cora offers to give him a proper send off. How kind of her.
And now we move into the present day portion of the never ending circus of bizarre where our characters somehow need to learn everything we're learning through flashbacks. If only they had the ability to talk to the dead! Oh, hello never before mentioned magical spell that is really super convenient. But I'm getting ahead of myself. While the flashbacks felt rushed and unbelievable (not to mention the ick factor), parts of the present day were enjoyable to watch, even if there was also an equal amount of lightening fast character development.
And I rage for days. I have nothing to say about this, but the very tiny spark of hope I had also died.
--I don't understand the title of this episode. Was it that the worlds were bleeding through? The past was bleeding through?
--Yes, Robin and Regina kissed. After knowing each other for 2 days in Cursed Storybrooke. Regina is taking advantage of her knowledge that Robin is her soulmate. Robin went along with it, though. However, it did not break the curse.
--Where is Henry? Is he being watched at all?
--Emma thinks it's amusing to make things vanish. Because that will help against the witch.
--Snow says they spent their last night focusing on the past. Well that's great, but you do realize that Regina hasn't apologized for her sins right? What about the mass murder of an entire village? What about murdering your father? What about poisoning you? What about making you spend 28 years in a cursed town? Without your true love? And without your child? Stop erasing the past!
--"I thought our family were the good guys." They are Emma. But the writers don't want you to remember that.