In Which I Review Under the Dome (2x9)

It's rather hard to write about this show after watching the Emmy Awards where good, quality TV was honored. This weeks episode, "The Red Door," wasn't horrible though! Which, when it comes to Under the Dome, is really saying something. Or maybe it wasn't that horrible because I DVR'd instead of watching it live, thereby saving myself 20 minuets of agonizing idiocy. Whatever the case may be, there were no questions answered but at least everyone got back into one location by episodes end. Having people in both Zenith and in Chester's Mill was becoming annoying because the plot in Chester's Mill really slowed down. Oh, and more people that I don't care about! I should come up with nicknames for them. Just for fun. Let's take this geographically instead of plot wise. 

In Zenith

Papa-Q is holding Barbie hostage. Oh, by the way, Papa-Q has a real name; it's Don. But I refuse to call him Don because Papa-Q is a much better name. Papa-Q wants one thing and one thing only: love and acceptance. No, I'm just messing; he wants the egg. This damn egg. The precious! It is apparently a power source and Papa-Q is a man who knows power. So long as Barbie can get Julia to bring the egg to Zenith, or just throw it down the proverbial rabbit hole, Barbie will be let go and everything will be just fine. Of course Barbie is smart enough to realize that Papa-Q is shady as hell and we should not trust him. When Barbie refuses to give up the goods, Papa-Q has him beaten. This will not lead to therapy, I'm sure.

In another part of Zenith, Pauline, Sam, and Lyle hatch (heh, egg joke) a plan of their own. They need to find the red door. The door can see into the future! The door can see into your soul!!!!! (Is Charlie the Unicorn too outdated for anyone to get that reference?) Pauline helpfully tells us that doors symbolize a way in. No! You don't say! I never knew that. Boy, I'm glad I have that information handy. I was under the mistaken impression that doors symbolize lemon cakes. Lyle, not so helpfully, tells us that in the Old Testament, the Hebrews of Egypt put blood on their doors to save themselves from death. It was a sacrifice thing. Good. Helpful. Why is Lyle still around?  He's not singing which was really the main point of Under the Dome getting Dwight Yokam in the first place. The three amigos take a little interlude to the playground where Lyle, Sam, and Barbie came through, but it yields nothing in the way of helpful, except that they are clearly being followed by thugs. So many thugs! All dressed in black! Blend in, you morons!

So, who here is surprised that Pauline and Hunter know each other? I know I'm not. Because why wouldn't they? I'm sure this town only has three people in it: Papa-Q, Pauline, and Hunter. The thugs are imported from the next town over. The others you see walking around are a series of biological ephemera that don't really exist. Hunter has a buddy who looks surprisingly like Toby from Pretty Little Liars. But it's Not-Toby. I don't really know who this Not-Toby is, but he works for Hunter and the Hounds of Diana, the underground newspaper that wants to tell people the truth about the Dome. Okay, do we all know the story of Diana (Artemis) and Actaeon? Basically: Actaeon stumbled upon Diana bathing naked in the river, she gets pissy, turns him into a stag, and dogs eat him. So you've got the energy company (Actaeon) spying on the Dome, and the Hounds of Diana are trying to take the company down. I wonder if Papa-Q will turn into a stag. Anyway, Barbie meets up with Pauline (I have no idea how, I think Papa-Q let him go, under a ruse?) and Barbie tells Pauline that Sam killed Angie. Pauline is only upset about this until Sam tells her that he would never hurt Junior. Um. Wrong? You tried to suffocate him after you got him drunk. Pauline declares that they must return to Chester's Mill to atone for their sins and rescue Junior. Luckily, Barbie knows where the Red Door is! It's in his backyard! Oh happy day! I am so sarcastic right now. And what is through the Red Door, Alice? Why a long tunnel that leads back to Chester's Mill, of course! But wait? What's that? A SWIRLING VORTEX OF TERROR?! Can we talk about the bizarre special effects of this vortex of terror? Wow. Everyone steps into the Vortex and sees images from the past. Pauline sees Melanie at the sight of the egg crash; Sam sees a sad Junior at Pauline's funeral; and Barbie remembers when he was very young and Melanie (still the same age she is now) told him to mark the red door with his hand. It was very cryptic; apparently Melanie's "mom" wanted them to meet. How...odd. Barbie's going to die isn't he? That's almost sad. Everyone except Lyle appears in the Chester's Mill Lake, and set off for their various tasks. Welcome home, kids. It's about to get a whole lot weirder.

In Chester's Mill

There wasn't much happening this week in Chester's Mill, but really fast: Big Jim knows that Barbie is alive and decides to strike a deal with the guards outside the Dome. He'll give them the egg is they let him and his son go free. Now, to be fair to Jim, he did first ask if he could bring the entire town and was told no. That's pretty impressive for the narcissistic asshole. Melanie and Junior decide to hide the egg in the cellar formerly known as Angie's-live-in-apartment. The episode ends with Pauline going home and Big Jim finding her in his house. And now he knows his wife is still alive! Cue dramatic music.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Red Door

--I am ignoring everything about Science Teacher Pine. She no longer exists in my head.

--"I thought you could build an egg detector or something."

--"I died for the egg once!" Oh god. Someone kill Melanie again

--"If you still believe in coincidence, then you're not paying attention." Wise words, Lyle.

--Melanie is a creeper. I cannot say how much I enjoy that this show is turning their imatatio Christi into a skank.