In Which I Review Under the Dome (2x6)

Chester's Mill is sitting on the Hellmouth isn't it? This is how the series will end; Buffy Summers comes riding into the Dome (because Willow did some magic) and slays all the Big Bads, gives a speech about living your life and then goes back to Sunnydale. Not that I object to this idea, mind you. It's certainly better than what we're witnessing on screen. At any rate, on this week's episode "In the Dark," things happen! I don't mean that positively. I mean many inexplicable things happen for everyone because apparently you must have as many crises per episode as possible. Cavernous cave of doom? Check. Apocalyptic wind storm? Check. Teenagers left unsupervised who try to take matters into their own young and impressionable hands? Check. Pick a crisis, Under the Dome! You do not need all the things. In fact, all the things are becoming laughable. This episode attempted to force connections between people previously defined as enemies or at the very least antagonistic toward each other. But, I must give some credit here, there were quite a number of good lines. And by good lines I mean the characters said things I've been saying on this blog for weeks now. Maybe they're reading this, in which case: kill the Science Teacher, refocus your energy of Dome mythology, and enough love triangle silliness. 

 I get that actor Dean Norris is one of the big selling points for this show, but honestly Big Jim's plot line this week was utter filler. What better way for Big Jim to worm his way back into the hearts of Chester's Mill residents than by saving the day! There is some science mumbo jumbo about red rain and topsoil but I wasn't listening. I do that sometimes (always) when Science Teacher Pine talks. Chester's Mill is suddenly set upon by horrific windstorms that cause a lot of dust. This dust gets into the pores of the Dome and if it's not cleared up, those trapped inside will slowly suffocate because air can't get in through the pores. The Dome need a facial scrub, in other words, but instead of blackheads, everyone will die. The issue (besides the impending suffocation) is that no one wants to listen to Big Jim and his ideas about the windmill (which naturally came from Science Teacher Pine but she's too busy building a bomb...no I'm not kidding). Ever since the secret about the kill-everyone-shake-the-trees virus came out, the people of Chester's Mill haven't wanted to listen to Jim, but have turned to Julia instead. Julia wants to put power back into the citizens hands, an idea that Big Jim finds repellent because without his power, Jim is just a used car sales man again (remember when that was his job?) Big Jim is forced to sit on his hands as the residents of Chester's Mill vote against his windmill plan and choose to ride out the dusty windstorm instead. But don't worry. Fate just needed a little push. I seem to recall this Long Haired Asian Skateboarder from season one. Ben? Was his name Ben? I don't care enough to look it up, obviously. But apparently he has asthma and because he is playing "dumb teenager" of the week, he goes out into the storm without his inhaler and ends up choking only for Big Jim to come to the rescue...and do you see where I'm going with this? The people of Chester's Mill suddenly realize just how dangerous the storm is, and are now ready to follow Big Jim's plan. The people of Chester's Mill are bleating sheep who go wherever they are told. Jim makes short work of the windmill; how did he get this thing built in so short of a time? We know it didn't take long because of the other stuff happening around Chester's Mill that did not progress a significant amount in order for this windmill to be built in such short order. I don't know. It was a miracle, let's go with that. The windmill goes up, there is water involved, mist dispersal, clouds part, people breathe, and I'm wondering what the purpose of this entire crisis was, until you realize that it was to put Big Jim back on top. Everyone wondered where Julia was. Good question.

Meanwhile, at the TARDIS Locker of Doom, Junior and Sam decide to go down into the depths of hell and investigate because Lyle could be hiding down there. The giant cave is part of a basement that no one knew existed (shock) but leads to an intricate cave system that no one knew existed (seriously?!). Sheriff Barbie shows up to help as well. Yes, you read that right: SHERIFF Barbie. They made him a Sheriff. Look, I'm not anti-Barbie; I get that he's our reluctant hero, but does anyone (anyone!?!!) remember that he opened this series by killing a man and was basically working as a hit man? Why would you make him sheriff? Because he's sleeping with the Red-Head? Anyway, there's a cave-in because...of course. How else are you going to get Sam and Barbie alone to have tortured manufactured conversations about sin and darkness? Junior escapes from the TARDIS Locker of Doom but Sam and Barbie are trapped behind rubble. The two decide to investigate the cave and discover A GIANT CAVE OF DEATH. Jesus Lord. What is this?? Why is there is a never ending pit of doom under this school? Who the hell built this school? What's down in the Cave of Death? Is it the Satan-like creature of Doctor Who season 2? I bet it's the Satan monster and the Doctor is going to come and save them all (he can bring Buffy). Since Barbie and Sam are trapped, they take this time to grill each other about their pasts. Sam knew who Melanie was all along but didn't say anything because who would believe him? And because the Dome brings nothing but pain.

So, let me get this straight, Sam. You knew that someday a giant Dome would fall over your hometown and that it would bring pain...and you stayed? Why?? You're a reasonably intelligent guy, why didn't you just get out of town? Because now you appear to be trapped along with everyone else, except, unlike others (except Big Jim) you're on a murder spree. Sam tells Barbie about that night in the woods 25 years ago and explains that Lyle killed Melanie because the "egg was screaming" and Pauline was complaining about the noise. Bitches be trippin'. Do the writers even read what they're writing anymore? Sam also declares that Melanie was the love of his life which I find hilarious as I'm pretty sure it was established that Melanie was only in town a short time before her murder. But hey, teenage love, right? Even though Barbie and Sam have had this heart to heart about darkness and whether or not their murder victims will be waiting on the other side, Barbie notices the scratches on Sam's chest and realizes that Sam killed Angie. Sam doesn't even bother denying it: "it's a sacrifice that I had to make to save everyone." Sam explains that if the 4-Hands die, the Dome will come down. Sam is willing to kill these kids, but in the end, he'll kill himself once the town is saved, or Barbie can kill him, which ever Barbie prefers. Okay, then! Sam is obviously a whack job. Sam tries to force Pauline's journal on Barbie because now this gruesome task is in Barbie's hands. Why? Because Sam is going to jump off the cliff down into the Cave of Death. Why? No idea. Guilt? He is Chief Crazy Pants? Well, there goes Sam, over the cave wall. We hardly knew ye, or hardly cared about ye.

 What are the children doing this week? After Junior gets out of the cave-in, he takes Melanie and the two have some weird bonding. This is creepy. Junior looks like Sam did as a teenager and apparently Melanie really likes that (of course she kissed Joey previously so I don't think the girl has a type. Or manners). Having collected Norrie, the three go in search of Joey who is sulking in Angie's old room. Which...what. Wasn't this house destroyed? In the season opener, didn't the farm house get torn to bits? Are they in a different house? And if yes, how did Norrie, Melanie and Junior find Joey? Does Norrie have a "find Joey" detector? Whatever. The new foursome decide that they need to get the egg, the one Julia dropped into the lake because "the Dome told her to." The foursome head out to the Lake (in the middle of the tragic dust storm?) and get into a boat. This is safe, I'm sure. Using their combined powers of touching (giggle) they summon the egg out of the water. I wish I was making this up. I really do. They take the Precious back to Joey's where Melanie gazes it at it intensely. Seriously, Gollem, get a grip. It's an egg. Wanting to know what happens if all 4-Hands touch the egg at once, they gather round and.....pink stars. The unexplained pink stars are falling. At least they are pretty? A few of the stars gather together and to make a a sign: "Surrender Dorothy." No, I'm just kidding, it makes the Zenith Tower that Junior saw in his dream at the beginning of the season. And of course, the Tower is in Melanie's (and Barbie's) hometown. Naturally. What does it all mean? Oh who knows. Probably that Melanie and Barbie are long lost twins who must have sex to make the Dome fall and Junior has to dance to the sound of Big Jim and Julia fighting while Norrie and Joey listen to Rebecca Pine explain how the universe was created. That's how you make the Dome fall, kids.

Miscellaneous Notes on In the Dark

--Best lines of the night!
"You are normal!" "I died."
"The town barber makes bombs?"
"Is there a brain under that hair?"
"All science is your area!" (THANK YOU)
"The egg knows we're here."

--Rebecca and Julia bonded over their sad tales. I can't even begin to care. Rebecca needs to be the next victim of the Dome cause I can't take her anymore.

--RIP Sam? Bet he's still alive.

--Melanie just flirts with everyone, doesn't she?

--The only thing the Dome has brought is pain. Much like the show.