In Which I Review Dracula (1x3)

We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry, thirsty roots?
--Christina Rossetti 

Typically, I really enjoy when television pulls out literary illusions in titles. It means the episode will have an overarching theme or central motif that I can play with. For the poem "Goblin Merchant Men" those are temptation, seduction, and sisterly devotion. In this weeks episode of Dracula, "Goblin Merchant Men," those themes were highlighted in the smallest degree possible. It was as if the writer of this episode fancied himself a real English scholar with high minded, thought provoking ideas (and maybe in reality he is) but then got bogged down in just terrible writing. Nothing happened this episode. Well, ok that's not wholly accurate. Things happened: random plot points that weren't woven together with any sort of cohesion, bouncing from one scene to the next. But the whole story of this episode was full of holes, so instead of a traditional review, let's try something different. 

Action: The Order of the Dragon turns Vlad Tepes into a vampire

This Doesn't Make Sense Becuase: I have no idea why the Order turned Vlad Tepes into a vampire. Or how. The process of turning someone into a vampire isn't exactly set in stone, but there are a few commonalities: you must be bitten by a current vampire and almost drunk to death and then you must drink from your sire. After Vlad was turned, one of the monkish looking Order members (seriously, what's with the brown robes) comes and claims that Vlad is now condemned for denouncing God. I suppose that's a reason, if wholly historically inaccurate. But why not just kill Vlad if he has really been so anti-God? Why did you need to beat him bloody, force him to drink blood from a ram's head, and then slit his throat? There elements of the traditional vampire mythos here but twisted (much like most of this show). Does this make Vlad the only vampire in existence at this time? Is this the only way to become a vampire? And WHY is this the solution? Do the members of the Order not think that Vlad will try to get his revenge? Or did they sit back and say, "oh good show, chaps. We sure taught him a lesson. Now I'm sure he'll leave us alone and go about eternity as a creature of the night, damned forever. Do pass the tea." If I had been turned into a blood thirsty monster and had my whole family killed, I don't think I'd be content with just roaming the world either. Which is an inherent problem in this "interpretation" of Dracula. They've made him into a romantic hero. And does the Order not keep records? Because Grayson looks exactly like Vlad, so why is it that none of the Order has recognized him? "Oh, I say, that man with the fancy light bulbs trying to steal our coolant (giggle) looks a lot like that man our ancestors condemned long ago. Do you think it's a coincidence?"

Action: In an effort to make Mina forget about her breakup with Harker, Lucy takes her clubbing.

This Doesn't Make Sense Because: Are we still in Victorian London or did we jump to the twenty-first century? Because I'm fairly certain that well bred ladies of the upper class were not allowed to participate in the Bohemian culture at the twilight of the 1890s. Unmarried Victorian ladies were guarded like prized treasures. Their virtue was paramount; they had to be intact and without dishonor if they ever hoped to make a profitable marriage. If they left the house to pay calls, a chaperone went with them. So I have a very hard time imagining that Lucy and Mina are able to run around London, drinking, partying, taking Absinth, and coming home at all hours of the day without old ladies clutching their pearls and reaching for their smelling salts. The amount of freedom Mina has is just far too liberal to be plausible. Also, as a well bred lady and unmarried, Mina would not be living on her own. She'd be at home with her parents and servants. And she wold not receive gentleman callers on her front door step. Nor would she make out with them in the street and then dance with them. How improper! Oh and apparently Lucy is a lesbian. Where did that come from? Lucy is far too vixenous already but now she's lusting after her best friend. Again, the show is trying to be modern and shocking but for no reason outside of being shocking. Dracula hasn't even glanced at Lucy yet. He needs to start draining her, though Lord only know what this will do to Lucy's personality seeing as she is already acting like a wanton strumpet.

Action: The Order of the Dragon kills Lord L for siding with Grayson without a logical explanation

This Doesn't Make Sense Because: Is Scotland Yard not a thing? Cause the show did this whole show and dance about making sure you knew Lord L had a wife and a son before they sent him to die. The Order is not happy with Lord L; he has given over his shares of the Coolant (giggle) company to Grayson and made the American the sole shareholder. This is just not good news for the British men. I mean, think of their stock portfolios. The horror! Because Lord L does not have a good excuse for why he handed over this shares (he cannot tell his brothers that Dracula threatened to expose his secret life), he is ritually murdered. But now what? Does the Order cover it up? Do they kill his wife and child too so no one goes looking for him? And what a bizarre way to kill someone: "do you accept that you've done wrong and if yes will you let us put this sword through your heart?" It's obviously an old tradition (see record keeping, they have it! Now go realize that Grayon is the same man you turned into a vampire) but in the "modern" world where people don't just vanish without someone noticing, it makes no sense (a theme!)

Action: Dracula puts Harker and Mina back together

This Doesn't Make Sense Because: Do I even need to say it? Dracula spent the whole episode being creepy stalker man, watching Mina from the shadows, sending her flowers, and rescuing her from drunken Bohemian men only to push Harker to beg for forgiveness and then propose. I know these are pretty typical romantic hero traits, but he's DRACULA. Just turn her, dude. Instead he sits in his carriage at night, trying to fight the rising light, just to see her face when she receives his flowers and a note that I'm sure is supposed to mean something to their past but doesn't anymore. And then after he saves her from the Bohemian man (because a romantic hero can be a stalker too!) the pair have a conversation that amounts to absolute nothing. Except that Dracula decides to speak to Harker and tells him that he's a fool and a hypocrite for letting Mina go. I'm sure this has something to do with, "I love her too much to let her be without the man she loves" but (how many times can I say this?): you're DRACULA. Get over these bizarre non-Dracula morals and just turn her. Or hypnotize her and make her remember your past with her. Do something.

Miscellaneous Notes on Goblin Merchant Men 

--Harker's adventures as Dracula's new VP of Press (or something) involve going to lunches and drinking. And then tagging along with Renfield where the manservant is far better equipped to deal with the business.

--Van Helsing continues to try and find a cure for Dracula's sunlight affliction. Dracula longs to walk in the sun so he can more easily stalk Mina. Ok, Dracula didn't actually say that but come on, you know that's why he wants it. If Van Helsing is smart he'll keep putting Dracula off.

--Lady Jane cured the Seers of their affliction by...doing something. I honestly have no idea. But then Van Helsing showed up and smashed their heads in. Again, this makes no sense since Dracula can just mind warp them every time they try to see where he is.

--Lord L's lover killed himself but left a note explaining everything, including Grayson's involvement. But here's the thing: will his father share that information? If his son confessed to sleeping with another man and being in love with him, boy is that a scandal Victorian London would do everything in its power to coverup. 

--Dracula only slept with one woman this episode, though he slept with her three times. Does that count?

 

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time in Wonderland (1x4)

The snake is one of the more recognizable symbols. It appears often enough in literature or television because people automatically know to associate the snake with certain themes: evil, malice, trickery, the Devil, ect. Snakes are seen as duplicitous because they can easily shed their skin; they can become a new thing. A lot of this is more or less rooted in our Judeo-Christian history and the story of Genesis, in which a cunning and sly serpent tricks Eve into eating of the tree of knowledge and thus the fall from paradise and life has sucked ever since. In this weeks episode of Once Upon A Time in Wonderland, "The Serpent," we learn a bit more about Jafar and what everyone's true essence is. 

Snake in the Grass 

Young Jafar had a rough start to life. Does this surprise anyone? That is the reoccurring theme for every villain ONCE (both iterations) comes up with: Rumple and Hook were abandoned by their fathers, the former to be raised by spinsters in poverty; Regina was emotionally and physically abused by her mother; Cora was the daughter of a drunk. It's how the writers of both shows envision their villains; they do not write evil for the sake of evil, but rather the theme that "evil isn't born, it's made" is stressed again and again. So it is with Jafar. He grew up poor, a gutter rat, the apprentice to a nasty and cruel master. But despite this, he seems rather fearless. When Amara, a powerful sorceress, comes to the marketplace, Jafar is the only one who is not scared to look upon her. He sees his way out. One of the biggest twists in Jafar's story is that, on top of being poor and abused, he is a bastard son. The Sultan of Agrabah cast him out, wanting nothing to do with him. I wonder who is mother is. Chances are his mother was a lowly peasant who found herself in the Sultan's bed just for his pleasure and then was cast aside when she was no longer desired. I would be willing to bet that Jafar's mother died very early on in his life. Does this sad history play into Jafar's ultimate plan? Does he was to bring his mother back from the dead, thus rewriting his own history? And take the Sultan down at the same time? He claims that he wants to learn magic from Amara so he can get revenge, but that's too "evil for the sake of evil" for ONCE. There is something more here.

Years pass and Jafar grows up learning tricks and trades from Amara, though she never ages. At some point their relationship stopped being master and apprentice and turned into lovers, which is a bit disturbing seeing as she practically raised him from his teenage years.  There are hints of a Cora/Rumple type relationship here except with the gender roles reversed. Amara is adamant that Jafar cannot learn all she has to offer until he sheds his own skin and reveals his own true essence. Amara surrounds herself with serpent images to remind herself that snakes, when they need to, shed their skin and are reborn. Can Jafar do the same? If he can kill an innocent friend, then he can learn more magic. Otherwise he is still just the rage filled little gutter rat who showed up at Amara's door. By not saving an innocent man, Jafar takes that all important first step to being our villain. Eventually, Amara reveals the ultimate plan to Jafar. In her possession is a book, the same book Jafar was seen levitating several episodes back. Amara calls it a book with all the worlds wisdom about genies. Inside the book is a powerful spell that requires three genies: the genie of the lamp, the urn, and the bottle. If you have all three genies, and two powerful magic doers, you can become the most powerful wizard in all the lands and be able to break the laws of magic. Amara wishes to share this with Jafar and together they could do anything! Like I said, there is more going on here than just world domination. Amara, no doubt, wanted to just be powerful but for Jafar it's revenge but it has to be something else as well. This is not to say that he doesn't relish the evil-doings. I think that becomes abundantly clear. Finding the lamp, the urn, and bottle prove difficult but the two persevere.

They eventually find the urn; it belongs currently to a barkeep who has no desire to give up the urn so quickly. Jafar, of course, has no qualms about torturing the man. There are some parallels to another scene in the present day, so let's discuss it here. Jafar cannot kill the owner of the wishes. If you kill the owner of the wishes before they've spent all their wishes, the wishes stay with them even after death. What does this mean now? It means Jafar cannot kill Alice, so much as he may want to. Alice has three wishes and if Jafar were just to kill her, the wishes would remain Alice's and Jafar could never own Cyrus's bottle. He must get her to spend her wishes instead. More on that in a bit.

Like so many people do, Amara became blind by love. Again, this is really just Rumple and Cora with the gender roles reversed. Rumple, blinded by his love for Cora, didn't see that all she ever wanted was unending power and believed that love was weakness. Amara, blinded by her love for Jafar and her belief that they wanted the same thing, does not see that she has created her own worst enemy. Amara once asked how far Jafar would be willing to go to get what he wanted. The answer is that he'll go as far as he needs to. Unlike Amara, Jafar isn't willing to share the power that comes with owning three genies. And in a very cool and surprising twist, Jafar poisons Amara, stealing her magical essence and then turns her into his favorite villain prop: his serpent staff. This scene was a cool bit of magic and pretty unexpected. Disney's Jafar is never without his serpent staff but the staff itself is never elucidated upon. It is simply his villain weapon. But here, the staff becomes an old lover, an older teacher, and to a certain extent, his mother figure. He will carry Amara with him always but not in a loving way of someone who was nurtured, cared for, and loved. I thought this scene played really well, due in large part to Naveen Andrews who is just a great actor all around. It was twisted and deranged but totally logical once you thought about it.

So how does this fit into the present day dealings with the Red Queen? Why would Jafar ever take on another partner when he clearly doesn't want one for the end result? Did Jafar really need the Red Queen to get Alice to Wonderland? Why couldn't he do that himself? I'm fairly confident that the Red Queen has the White Rabbit's wife and family captive and that's how she bribed the Rabbit to bring Alice back to Wonderland, but surely Jafar could have done that too. I think the Red Queen senses the power imbalance and thus why she went out of her way to make sure she had Cyrus's bottle and not Jafar. Speaking of the bottle, is it the vessels themselves or the genies inside that are important? And please tell me that the genie of the lamp is a big and blue. And sings.

Have the Wish I Wish Tonight 

The Knave and Alice are still on the move, trying to stay out of the Caterpillar's henchman who have been sent after the Knave to collect his debts or the Forget me Knot, which was burned in the last episode. Having learned of the White Rabbit's treachery, Alice is all for hanging him over a cliff until he makes a full confession, but Will urges that bluffing is really the best way to go. They are interrupted by a fight and the Alice and the Knave split up. Bad idea, guys. That's how the bad guys find you! Of course Will is captured by the Red Queen who has been ordered by Jafar to bring in the Knave. Will is thrown in prison and we get to see a bit more of his current relationship with the Red Queen, Anastasia. It's hard to tell if Will still loves her and has buried those feelings under hostility or if he has removed her from his heart altogether. Ana, at any rate, seems to still having feelings for Will. But is it love or is it guilt? Despite her efforts to bust Will out of jail, an offer he doesn't take, she does send him to the chopping block, prepared to give Jafar what he wants--Will's head on a spike.

With Will having been captured, Alice finds herself alone, looking for a way to free him. And then she is approached by a woman in black leathers who is also hoping to save the Knave. Her name is Elizabeth but you can call her Lizard. She's cute, feisty, loyal, and totally and obviously in love with Will. Who is Lizard? If I had to guess, I would say she is a Lost Princess. Jafar refers to the Red Queen's crown as stolen. Did Ana take over her realm by killing the previous rulers? And if so, was Lizard spirited away for safe keeping? Lizard mentions that when she met Will some time ago, she was homeless and friendless, but Will gave her a place to sleep and taught her all he knew about thieving. Together, Alice and Lizard, go after Will and save him from a very nasty beheading. And then the fun happens.

During the escape, Will and Alice are trapped by both Jafar and the Red Queen. It's our first real show down! And it played wonderfully. Jafar knows he cannot kill Alice, like I mentioned previously, but that doesn't mean he can't kill her friends. Pulling a very Darth Vadar move, Jafar beings to choke the life from Will, telling Alice that if she wants to save her companion, all she has to do is make a wish. One wish and Will can be free. Poor Alice. Of course she makes a wish, but not exactly the one Jafar was hoping for--Alice wishes that if the Knave of Hearts dies, so does Alice. Not quite what Jafar was going for, but it's one wish down. Jafar is obviously not happy with this arrangement but gets a little bit of his own back by cursing Will to a fate worse than death (gee, where have we heard that before?) and turns Will into a stone statue. He then turns his magic on Alice, floating her above the air and stretching out her bones and muscles.

Just one more wish Alice, just make one more wish to make the pain stop. And of course that would put Cyrus even closer into Jafar's grasp. But Alice has quite a will of her own (pun intended). She says she'll never give into Jafar and never put Cyrus into his hands. She'll die first. And that would ruin all of Jafar's plans. But Alice has given Jafar a big insight into her true essence: she has a heart and that makes her weak (Cora alert!)

One wish down. Two to go. Will Alice spend her other wishes?

Miscellaneous Notes on The Serpent 

--20 cookies says the old man in the cage next to Cyrus is the Sultan, Jafar's father.

--This episode was quite enjoyable. It had the potential I had expected from ONCE all along. Much better CGI this round

--The Knave gets some of the best lines:
"We need to work on your poker face"
"We could die or we could run"
"I'm clearly not attracted to nice normal women"

--Alice did have her very own fun line though: "Excuse me, pardon me, I have a blade."

-- Looks like Cyrus has found a way out! About time. He's been sitting in that cage for all 4 episodes now and given very little to do. The wishbone ploy was cute if really overly sentimental.




 

In Which I Review Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D (1x6)

It is becoming increasingly apparent just how little Joss Whedon has to do with this show. He was obviously brought on to develop and launch but not actually see the show to fruition. Very JJ Abrams who launches show after show and then leaves before seeing it through. SHIELD is beginning to frustrate me. The characters, except for Coulson and to a lesser degree May, are cardboard cutouts who lack chemistry and charisma on screen. The writing is becoming stale and overly sentimental. And episodes like this weeks "FZZT" are less about developing myth and arc and more about promotion and fandom. This episode did little except set up the ships of the show and remind people that this show sprang from the greatness that was the Avengers movie and previous Marvel Universe movies. 

Did you catch the two Avengers references? Skye's completely unfunny Captain America is "The Dude" joke and Coulson's somewhat better Iron Man joke pretty much fell on deaf ears. Oh and then there is the whole exclusive sneak peek for Thor: The Dark World that came in the middle of the episode (and was literally a 15 second clip of Thor smashing things. Cause we've NEVER seen that before). Oh and then there was the whole plot of the episode which was nothing but a reminder of the Avengers. Do I sound bitter? I don't mean to. There was just so much potential for this show and it's not even close to living up to right now. The showrunners need to fire half the cast, make the show totally focused on Coulson (with a side of Melinda May) and get a fully developed villain to fight. Superhero of the week is fine every now and then but so far the shadowy Centipede enterprise isn't doing much for the show as a whole.

When we last left off, Skye was discovered as a faux-double agent (her allegiance to Rising Tide is still questionable because she claims that the events of the previous episode were done out of love for her boyfriend) and was punished. Wait. Did I say punished? I mean she was forgiven and let back on the team but tagged with a magic bracelet to monitor her computer activity. Something she resents. A lot. Because she complained about it nonstop this episode. We get it, Skye. You think this treatment is unfair? You know what I think is unfair? That you were even let back on to the team! You know, the one you betrayed and lied to? But she has read all the protocol books now and she is really sorry, guys! But still Ward is being a meany pants and won't play nice or make sweet eyes with her. Gag me. Even Coulson tells Ward that maybe he's being a smidge too hard on her. No! He's not! She lied to you people and almost handed over your secrets. Just because she gave you her sob story about her Agent parents doesn't mean she gets lollipops. Get over yourself, Skye.

Anyway. The episode. It begins with a camping trip of Boy Scouts who are telling each other ghost stories. The leader telling the story suddenly begins to hear a humming noise, as he goes to investigate some freak electrical storms being swarming around the camp site and suddenly a blue light of energy pulses out and the body of the scout leader is found hovering in the air. Meanwhile on the plane (no seriously. Why are they always on the plane? Do they literally just fly around airspace waiting for a mission from HQ? How does this work? How much fuel is SHIELD pumping into the atmosphere? How much damage is that plane doing to the biosphere?) Skye and the science duo of FitzSimmons (still can't remember which one is which) are joking and bonding! Oh look at the camaraderie with the traitor. Isn't it cute? The mission comes in and the teams heads off to investigate. The body of the boy scout leader (who was also a firefighter) is discovered to be altered in body density but the floating is still a mystery. Until another victim is found floating in his barn. Turns out that the first victim and the second victim were both firefighters at the same house! A coincidnece? I think not!

Not only do the two firefighters work at the same house, the entire firefighting team was one of those who responded when the Chitauri invaded New York. You know, in the Avengers. For those who don't know, the Chitauri are an alien race who came through a wormhole and invaded New York. And they wore helmets. The helmets are important. By the time the team gets to the firehouse, one more firefighter has come down with the symptoms of "about to go boom." Turns out the first two victims and this soon-to-be-pulling-a-Houdini firefighter spent the other night polishing a Chitauri helmet, one they kept as a souvenir. There was a virus on the helmet that turns humans who come in contact with it into floating lightening bolts. The only good part of this episode was Coulson talking to the dying firefighter. Coulson hasn't been the same since New York. He knows he died and while he can cover his feelings with smiles and jokes, he feels different. Coulson tells the firefighter that "I was there" and that "it was beautiful." (Meta joke: I honestly expected him to burst into song and sing a la Buffy "I think I was in heaven.") Gregg Clark really shines here and this show needs to be focused on him and him alone.

At some point the girl scientist (Simmons?) touched the body of a dead firefighter and was shocked and this spread the infection to her. She is quarantined in her lab and given two hours to figure out a cure. She tries unsuccessfully to come with an anti-serum, killing several rats in the process, while her male cohort (and obvious love interest) Fitz helps on the other side. You can tell that they work well together, despite competition and fussiness over needing their own space. And you can tell that Simmons is totally and wholly in love with him. And that he's an idiot who has no idea. Because this is unique and original. (Actually it reeks of Willow and Xander in early seasons of Buffy). The SHIELD HQ (so there is an HQ?) has ordered Coulson to "drop" his infected "cargo," something Coulson will ignore. Feeling the pressure of a ticking clock before BOOM of Simmons, Fitz breaks the quarantine and they come up with a brilliant plan to fix the problem. Only it doesn't work. The rat they test it on still dies. Simmons decides she must be brave and, after knocking out Fitz, decides to jump out of the plane. But wait! What's this?! The rat is alive! The anti-serum only knocked it out before fully curing it! Oh huzzah. But wait, Simmons is plunging to the watery abyss below. Not to fear! Ward can save her by breaking the laws of physics. (How did he catch up to her when she was in free fall and he was several moments behind her?) Anyway. Simmons is saved, Ward is going to ease up on Skye and the little happy ships of the show continue to sail on. Boringly.

The only really interesting aspect here was Coluson and May's final conversation. We still don't know much about May and her past as "The Calvary." But did she die at one point? When Coulson finally opens up to her about how he feels different since New York, May not only sympathizes but empathizes. She says, "do you know how long it took me.." before Coulson cuts her off with a word and a knowing look. I'm starting to think that May's decision to go behind the desk had a lot to do with a near death (possible DEATH) experience which left her shaken. Are May and Coulson going to be an item? They seem to have an understanding and a mutual respect for each other. So we have Sward, FitzSimmons, and now we need a new ship name! Coming up with ship names is my very favorite. Coulay, Mayson, Mellip, AsianGlasses.

Yeah that last one is clearly the best.

Miscellaneous Notes on "FZZT"

--I have no idea why this episode was titled this. None. Did they reference it? Does it make sense to anyone?

--May's idea of interrogation, "Have a cookie."

--Fitz flirting with Skye needs to stop. She's not going to go for you.

--Can we please get a real villain? Please?

In Which I Review Sleepy Hollow (1x6)

The term sin is a hard one to define. It can mean error, wrongdoing, "to miss the mark" and taken in a religious context, it can mean the violation of God's holy law or a violation of the relationship between God and humanity which is supposed to be sacred. The New Testament clearly states in the Gospel of John that every human sins ("let he who is without sin cast the first stone") but that forgiveness is possible through Jesus. By offering your sins up to God and repenting, you are absolved and cleansed. But are there sins that are un-absovable? I have no desire to get into theology but what happens if you think your sins are too great and there is no chance of forgiveness but instead the gaping maw of Hell looms in your future? Enter the sin eater legend. The sin eater legend is a type of religious magic in which a special individual has the ability to remove the sin from the soul and takes it into their own. For what it's worth, often times Jesus is seen as the archetypical sin eater. The ritual of the sin eater is interesting in its own right but essentially the sin eater places bread on the sinner in question and the sin goes into the bread which the sin eater then consumes, thus allowing the sinner to rest in peace. In this weeks episode of Sleepy Hollow "The Sin Eater" we are introduced to a new character, whom I suspect will play a key role later, and Ichabod unburdens himself of his past sins. 

After two weeks off for the World Series, it was nice to have Sleepy Hollow come back with a bang. When we last left off, Ichabod and Abbie were fighting the forces of darkness, the Headless Horseman had risen from the lake, and the mystery of Katrina and her connection to the demon Moloch was teased. So naturally the episode opened with a baseball game. I had to laugh at the obvious reference to the just concluded World Series but even more chuckling came when Ichabod attempted to heckle the players and umpire from the stands. Could he get any cuter? The interaction between Abbie and Ichabod is becoming quite precious and enjoyable. The gap between their two worlds is closing, especially as Abbie explains her love of baseball: tradition, teamwork, and democracy. All things Ichabod loves. This brief respite of fun was a nice breather before the much darker and heavy episode that followed. While this episode was actually quite good overall, it did suffer from one thing: the dreaded info-dump.

Info-dump is a term used when in TV or literature, the writers proceed to give the audience/reader a hefty amount of information in a short period of time. This information is always vital to the overall arc or plot but tends to come in one fell swoop that barely gives the audience time to process or breathe. Most often it is done by exposition between two characters wherein one character asks questions and the other explains the world in which they are living and the history of how the world got this way. In the case of this episode of Sleepy Hollow, Ichabod was literally held hostage and told he had to give his life story to prove who he was. Meanwhile, Abbie and her nutty sister Jenny hunt for the deus ex machina Sin Eater that can solve all their problems.

Is the Sin Eater a plot device? It's debatable. On the one hand, he did appear at just the right moment and solve the mega problem of the series which is that Ichabod and the Headless Horseman are connected via blood. That's pretty "god from machine" to me. But on the other hand, I do believe the Sin Eater will play a bigger role in the series, whatever that might be (one does not hire John Noble for just one episode. Especially when the creators of this show worked with him for 5 years previously, creating one of the most beloved cult show characters). But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After the adorable Ichabbie baseball game, Ichabod proceeds to walk to the supposed grave site of his wife, Katrina. Where he is promptly shot with a tranquilizer dart and kidnapped. Meanwhile, Ichabod in danger, Katrina sends Abbie a message from the great beyond through a vision. The vision is haunting and strange and there are probably clues all over the place. It might take some intense rewatching to catch them all, but here are a few that stood out to me: the vision takes place in the Crane house, the home Katrina and Ichabod created for themselves, yet the house is not a happy one. One can hear the sounds of a crying babe throughout the vision and when Abbie finds a black bassinet, there is no baby inside but a black voodoo-like doll. I am reminded that Moloch is the demon associated with children and that Katrina has made some sort of deal with him. Did Katrina offer up her and Ichabod's child to Moloch in order to preserve Ichabod's life? Also in the vision, the Headless Horseman appears and gives Abbie chase throughout the house. Why is the Horseman in the house and apart of this vision? If the Horseman is actually DEATH are we to assume that "death" is a presence in the Crane household, forming a deeper connection that just the blood link between the Horseman and Ichabod? And finally, I could not help but notice the coven of women in the house performing sort of ritual, clothed in black lace. My theory that Katrina is part of the dark evil coven continues to be supported.

Katrina eventually appears to Abbie and tells the Lieutenant that she must find the Sin Eater before the Headless Horseman rides by nightfall. The Sin Eater--and the Sin Eater alone--can separate Ichabod and the Headless Horseman. Once their blood is no longer connected, it will be possible to take down the Horseman without doing fatal harm to Icahbod. From this point, there are two different narratives so let's take them one at a time. Abbie gets her sister Jenny out of the psych ward and together the two investigate the mystery of the Sin Eater which leads them to Walter Bishop Henry Parrish (who will never be anybody but Walter Bishop to me and I am waiting for this new character to make an LSD reference or ask for a root beer float or talk about fruit cocktails (I miss Fringe)). Henry Parrish is a bit of a sad man who wants nothing to do with his gift; it is not one he understands and one he longer has any interest in administering. The only help Henry can offer is by showing Abbie where Ichabod is being held, so long as her connection to Ichabod is strong enough. And of course it is. Hear that? That's the sound of a ship with wind in its sails heading out for canon waters. Abbie learns that Ichabod is being held underground by the Freemasons (naturally. Because somehow they always come into this). Which brings us to Ichabod's capture.

Ichabod awakens from his tranquilized state to discover that he is being held by the Freemasons, a deduction he makes in a very Sherlock Holmes type of way. The Masons are suspicious that Ichabod is not really their long lost brother and thus put him to a test. They have in their possession an account of Ichabod's life, but not written by him. If Ichabod can tell his story and it matches the book, then he must be the real Ichabod. Side note but does this mean there have been imposter Ichabod's over the years? Are there other men wandering around in colonial dress claiming to be a long dead solider? There is one story in particular the Masons want Ichabod to retell and it begins with Latin (oh boy! All good things start with Latin!): ordo ab chao or order from chaos, which is a saying of the Freemasons.

We then flashback to when Ichabod was still a loyal British redcoat trying to find traitors who are spreading sedition. In this case, a pamphlet spread by "Cicero" leads the Brits to a freed slave named Arthur Bernard. Ichabod's job is to torture Bernard into revealing who Cicero is (these guys have obviously never watched TV. Everyone knows the suspect is the author). During this time Ichabod meets Quaker Nurse Katrina van Tassel who tries to talk Ichabod out of his mission. Ichabod is obviously drawn to Katrina and after watching the senseless brutality of his fellow Redcoats, Ichabod's conscience begins to nag at him. And then he sees that his commanding officer is a demon. I mean, they had to get demons in here somehow, right? When he is ordered to kill Bernard, Ichabod instead frees him, deciding that his loyalties no longer lie with the British but with the colonists. But then Bernard dies anyway by the hand of the demon and Ichabod is left wounded. From that moment on, Ichabod became an American spy working with General Washington and eventually marries Katrina, as we know. But the death of the freed slave has weighed heavily on Ichabod: if he had let him go earlier, maybe he would have lived! This is Ichabod's greatest sin.

After Ichabod finishes telling the Masons his tale, the Masons accept him as the real Ichabod Crane and reveal that it was Katrina who wrote the account in the book and that Katrina also hid her husband away once she brought him back to life. She hid him away because the Masons were looking to kill Ichabod! Oh no! We have to remember that Ichabod's life is tied to the Headless Horseman and if Ichabod dies, makes the ultimate self-sacrifice, then the Headless Horseman will perish and the Apocalypse will be averted (side note but NO. You cannot KILL DEATH. This continues to annoy me). It is at this point that Abbie arrives to save Ichabod only to find that Ichabod is ready to go to his death and drinks poison. Abbie refuses to leave Ichabod and holds his hand as he slips away.

But then by some miracle the Sin Eater arrives. How did he arrive just in time? Was this planned? Why did he change his mind? He claims it is because he realizes Ichabod is the true reason for his gift but that seems convenient. I am now suspicious of this Sin Eater. We get to see the ritual play out on screen which was bizarre but interesting. The Sin Eater pierces Ichabod's palm (a la nails of crucifixion). As Ichabod's blood pools on the table, the Sin Eater instructs him to bring Bernard to the front of his mind and ask for absolution. When the ex-slave appears, he tells Ichabod that he has nothing to feel guilty over and that the Headless Horseman is feeding on Icahbod's regret (wut?) and it is more important to stop the Horseman and to do that the two must separate. Then the blood that has pooled on the table actually separates into Ichabod's red and the Horseman's black (wut?) and the Sin Eater dips his bread into the blood and eats it. Ichabod has now been sanctified and the poison has been removed from his system (wut?) and now Ichabod and Abbie can face the Horseman without fear of Ichabod dying. Also: they hugged!! Abbie and Ichabod hugged!! That is clearly the most important part of the story.

Miscellaneous Notes from The Sin Eater

--I didn't want to ship Ichabbie but I think I'm a goner. Between Ichabod bowing to Abbie in the beginning and then them hugging at the end, let your ship flags fly.

--I fail to see why they brought Jenny back into this episode. She didn't actually do anything; Abbie figured out where the Sin Eater was.

--The episode ended with the Horseman going to Ichabod's underground cave/grave. Does he sense that the two are no longer tied? Will we see the other Horseman? We've already seen Pestilence.

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (3x6)

I was three years old when Disney's The Little Mermaid came out in theaters. From the opening moments to the final happy ending, I was enthralled. Ariel and the movie became my obsession. Everything had to be The Little Mermaid. I had toys, clothing, bedding, ect. I could sing every song, quote every line of dialogue, and (according to my family) I would perform the entire thing on command. Even now, at the age of 26, it remains one of my very favorite Disney movies and it never fails: Triton letting his little girl go to be with a human makes me sob. Since Once Upon a Time premiered back in 2011, fans have been asking, "Where is Ariel?" They have looked for clues and hints that the worlds most famous and beloved mermaid was in Storybrooke somewhere. Every red head on the street became suspect but creators Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis were adamant that we hadn't seen her yet. And then finally, after two and a half seasons, Ariel became a part of our world. This week's episode "Ariel" dealt not only with the little mermaid herself but with the reoccurring motif of second chances and the secrets we keep buried inside to protect ourselves.

Poor Unfortunate Soul

Ariel has a habit of saving humans. We meet our little mermaid as Bandit Snow is running through the woods, trying to escape Regina's guards. The solution was to jump off a cliff. Side note but Snow, dear, did you have a plan? You didn't know Ariel was there to rescue you so what exactly were you planning to do? But saved Snow is and an instant friendship is formed between the princess and the mermaid. As the two get to know each other, we learn a bit more about Ariel. Writers Adam and Eddy kept her as close to Disney as they could. She had the red hair, the green tail and the purple bra but there were also a host of in house references (remember, ABC is owned by Disney). Ariel carries a little purse and is apparently a bit of a kleptomaniac, which was hysterical and totally in character. Disney's Ariel loves to swim to sunken boats and find human treasures for her giant-cave-o-stuff. Our Ariel is no different. And among her many treasures is an invitation to the Under the Sea (Disney reference!) Ball in honor of the mythic Sea Goddess Ursula. Ursula is just a myth, a long dead tale gone for thousands of years but remembered by both the sea folk and the humans on land. Why does Ariel want to go to the Under the Sea Ball? True love of course! About a year ago, Ariel saved a human male named Eric from drowning in a ship wreck and the moment she looked upon his face, she knew it was true love. This is something Snow understands completely. The timeline of this episode was little hard to piece together but I believe this is the month in between Snow meeting Charming for the first time (during highway robbery) and their second meeting before his wedding to Abigail. During that time, Snow tried to loose herself in the woods and forget him but found it impossible--it was true love. Snow is determined to help Ariel get her happy ending but there is one problem: a lack of legs. But this wouldn't be the Little Mermaid if Ariel didn't have legs for awhile. Once a year the sea goddess Ursula gifts the merfolk with legs for 12 hours so that they might go upon land. It just so happens that this wonderful time occurs during Eric's ball.

I had to suspend quite a bit of disbelief for the ball scene: how did they get in with just one invitation? How did Snow, the most wanted Bandit in the Enchanted Forest, not get caught? Where did they get the fancy dresses? But I was willing to overlook these trifling matters because of the writing and frankly sheer joy of watching one of my favorite Disney movies brought to life. The cutesy dialogue between Snow and Ariel was spot on and I loved how Ariel was shoving trinkets into her dress for safekeeping. The romance between Eric and Ariel did feel fast. One dance and he wants to take her off to the see world--but these are fairy tales and that's how they work, especially when you are relying heavily on the Disney version. Eric has been dreaming of Ariel's face and believes she is his future. He fell in love with her through a dream and he doesn't want to waste anytime. I have to give credit to Gil McKinney who played Eric--he was given very little to do outside of be the the Prince and the writing didn't allow him to give Eric any real flavor. But I did enjoy the couple's interaction. It was sweet and cute and I wanted more, and this is coming from someone who has been shipping Hookriel (Hook and Ariel) for a long time. Ariel is conflicted; she wants to go off with Eric and see the world but she also knows that after 12 hours she is once again reduced to a fish and cannot be apart of his world for another year. Does she tell him or does she break his heart? In a moment of distress, Ariel turns to her faith and belief in Ursula. During the whole Snow and Ariel adventure, Regina has been watching in her mirror and comes up with a plan to bring down Snow. Regina will play on Ariel's faith and belief and thus we get Ursulana. It's no great secret that Lana Parilla (Regina) wanted to be Ursula. I was against it initially because it just felt too much for her to be the Evil Queen and Ursula. Too much evil in one package. But, as there normally is on ONCE, there was a twist.

I gotta hand it to Lana Parilla; she pulled off Fake Ursula spectacularly--different voice, different mannerisms. And of course, more Disney references: "My poor sweet child," is a direct line from the movie! Fake!Ursula offers Ariel a deal that will allow the mermaid to be on land forever and with her Prince. Poor Ariel doesn't realize she is being played until much later but Ursula gifts Ariel with a bracelet that will allow Ariel to keep her legs and the wearer of the bracelet will get Ariel's fins so long as the bracelet stays on. Guess who gets to wear this special bracelet? It's Snow of course. And suddenly we have MerSnow! That was wholly unexpected and kind of amazing. Snow, now with a flashy green tail, is unable to run when Real!Regina shows up to take her revenge. Ariel doesn't want to leave Snow alone with the Evil Queen but Regina encourages her to go be with her Prince: this is her one shot at true love and she should take it. There are no second chances (oh Regina of the Past. If only you could see this show now). It looks like Ariel will leave MerSnow to her fate but then...she stabs Regina with a dinglehopper. I fell into a fit of giggles at this. The dinglehopper (fork) is iconic in the Little Mermaid. When Ariel was announced, everyone wanted to know if she'd have a fork. Instead of using it to comb her hair, she uses it to stab Regina in the neck. Once again, Ariel saves Snow and the two swim away leaving Regina without her catch of the day.

There is one more bit of Ariel's story that is classic to both the original Hans Christian Anderson tale and Disney's: Ariel's voice. After being saved, Snow tells Ariel to go and tell Eric how she feels. If she's honest with him and their love is true, it can survive anything. Ariel, giddy as a school girl, swims away to Eric's castle. Just as she is about to call out his name, she finds herself mute. Regina has taken her voice and Eric leaves without Ariel, thinking that she doesn't really love him. It's a credit to the writing of Adam and Eddy and the casting that this scene played so well. Ariel's devastation was palpable and so was Eric's distress. Regina: killing happy endings for years. But in the present day we got a bit more of mermaid myth: they can travel between worlds. Regina summons Ariel to Neverland and gives her back her voice. The Evil Queen has a task for Ariel and even though Ariel doesn't want to help Regina she will if it means finding Eric. The task? Go to Storybrooke. And finally after 6 episodes we're heading back home to our friends in Maine. I've really loved the Neverland arc; it has been dark and creepy and very angsty. But I'm ready to see Storybrooke and its inhabitants once more.

Cause Two Can Keep A Secret If One Of Them Is Dead

For an entire week a debate raged: would Hook tell Emma that Neal was alive? Turns out, people were half right? Hook tells Snow and Charming that Pan claims Neal is alive but it could be a trick. And if it is a trick, Emma will be hurt all over again. Best to keep it a secret and find out if Neal is alive for ourselves before we tell her. I'm not actually sure how I feel about this. Lying is bad and secrets have a tendency to come out (especially when you tell Snow who is just incapable of keeping them) but it was done out of concern and love. I was glad this little interlude only lasted one scene. Emma should know that Neal is alive, for non ship reasons. He is the father of her child and she needed to know. Neal's death has been hanging over Emma all season: she's pissed that he died, she's pissed that he left her, she's pissed at how when they finally said the I Love You it was too late. So once again, the task of Saving Henry is put on hold. I understand that the writers are dealing with a lot this season but I had hoped more progress would have been made on this front. So far, Henry's gotten one scene of being given hope but it's debatable if that message actually worked and if he believed it. We've saved Charming and now we're saving Neal. But despite one more tangent, I was ok with this one. Because my shipper heart sometimes rules my ability to watch TV. However, this tangant is the final straw for Regina who has been "camping with the Charmings" for a week and is sick to death of it. It's peace out for Regina who decides to find Rumple instead because the evil duo can accomplish tasks better than the do-gooder's.

The path to Neal is a tricky one and it leads them to the Echo Caves where Pan has moved Neal's cage. This is all part of Pan's games. He is setting up our Jolly Roger crew to hate each other; by revealing their secrets inside the cave, Pan is driving a wedge between everyone. The secrets our characters tell are not the deepest dark secrets of their past but secrets of the heart. And what is everyone's greatest secrets?
Hook's secret is that he never thought he would move on from Milah, his first love. But then he met Emma and he realized that he can move on. This secret is tricky. There is rejoicing in both ships today. On the one hand, Hook didn't say that he loved Emma but that she makes him realize that he can move on from a lost love. On the other, it did read as an I love you. But I think Hook's feelings are misplaced. It's not love he feels but a sense of gratitude and thankfulness that he now knows he can have love again. He's misreading his own feelings but until he figures that out, the triangle isn't going anywhere. (side note: I am sick to death of it already. I know this is the kind of drama TV loves but it's exhausting being pulled and pushed in both directions). Snow's secret is that she loves her daughter very much but she feels cheated out of being able to raise her daughter and she wants another go at it. This has been a reoccurring theme for Snow all season: she has no idea how to mother a girl who is the same age as her. I hope this isn't read as, "I want a replacement baby" but I think the major theme of the season, besides belief, is second chances. Hook wants a second chance at love; Snow wants a second chance at being a mother. Charming wants a second chance too but his confession is that he is stuck in Neverland after being healed with the magical waters. And Emma? Emma has the biggest secret of them all.

There is not one SwanFire out that I know of who thought the relationship between Emma and Neal would be easy. There is pain and regret and mistrust but there is love. Oh, there is love. Emma's secret is that she has never stopped loving Neal and that she will always love him but she wished this had been a trick by Peter Pan because the only way she could ever move on from Neal is if he was dead; if he is alive, he has a stake in her heart. So it is easier for her to believe him dead because now Emma has to deal with the big scary emotions. And Emma doesn't do big scary emotions. She is a walls up kid of girl and starting at the face of the man she has loved for 11 years, without ceasing, is terrifying. But in Neal's words: "you can say anything to me." And then the hug. I wasn't disappointed that there was no kiss, that would be outside of Emma's character.  Emma can handle the heady lust filled emotions that cause pirate smoochies but they don't register to her, hence her telling Snow that the kiss meant nothing and it happened because it had been awhile and she was feeling good. A thought she reiterated to Hook before he confessed, mind you. What Emma cannot handle are the deep emotions of love--maybe even true love. And Neal makes it very clear, he's going to fight for her. He will never stop fighting for her (oh Rumbelle callbacks!). Now or ever. My deepest hope is that the triangle goes on hiatus until they get back to Storybrooke with Henry and then it can be triangle hell until Emma makes a choice.

Miscellaneous Notes from Ariel

--I'm more or less passing over the whole Shadow!Belle incident because I'm just glad it's over. I don't know if Belle has been the Shadow this whole time or if it was just the shadow this time because it was spouting the same ideas Pan was. That part of this story is done and now we can see Real!Belle and hopefully some amazing Rumbelle moments. Though amazing Rumbelle moments on top of SwanFire moments might be the death of me. As another note, is the Shadow really Peter Pan? I'm starting to doubt it.

--Pan and Rumple are brothers. If they aren't brothers then this is the best red herring on the show. Pan cooked him breakfast--his favorite breakfast for heaven's sake.

--Regina and Rumple together! Ah, that's magic. What will Ariel be bringing back to Neverland? Well Rumple called it a fate worse than death, which has been used once before on this show; back in the season 2 premiere it was used to describe what happens when the Wraith takes a soul. Might Regina and Rumple try to take Pan's soul? Does he have a soul to take?

--I loved the random appearance of Real!Ursula at the end and even more than that, I loved that Regina was scared of her. 

--Henceforth, all forks in my house will be known as mini-tridents.




  

In Which I Review Dracula (1x2)

They say you should never make a deal with the devil--it will come back against you tenfold. The devil's job is to entice, to offer up before your eyes something you deeply desire: love, respect, money or advancement. The best devilish characters in TV play on your weaknesses; they seek to know what exactly would turn you toward them and serve. In this weeks episode, "A Whiff of Sulphur," we find out what happens to people who accept deals with Dracula and what happens to those who deign to deny the powerful vampire what he wants. We also explore whether or not Dracula is actually a devil in respectable sheep's clothing (and faux American accent) or if he is a victim of circumstance. 

I'm rather surprised that I'm even blogging this episode. The pilot last week did little to nothing to endear this show to me. As I previously ranted about last week, this is not Dracula. Apart from the names of the characters, the actual literary Dracula has been been wholly removed and in its place is a Downton Abbey mixed with The Vampire Dairies/True Blood monstrosity that is relying heavily on Jonathan Rhys Meyers's sex appeal. So why am I still watching? Because this show is so bad, it's good. This show is giving me a chance to deride something without being offended at the poor quality of writing, acting, and message (a la Under the Dome). The show wants to say something--I can feel it--but it can't settle on just what issue it wants to tackle: literature, history, myth, good vs evil, gender negotiation and construction, class, sexism, or business ventures that were quite prolific in this era. It's taking itself too seriously and trying so hard to sell the idea of being a legitimate, thought provoking show with something to say, that I all I do is laugh and count how many women Dracula sleeps with in a single episode. The writers need to take a Sleepy Hollow approach and realize that their material is so ludicrous (Dracula is SELLING COOLANT for heaven's sake) that they can have fun with it. Sleepy Hollow is the success it is because, for the most part, the writers and creators realize how outlandish and preposterous the show is that they can have fun with it.

Speaking of laughable moments: is Dracula evil? At least he doesn't sparkle but I can already tell that the television show of the world's most famous vampire is being set up as an anti-hero and possibly even the actual hero. In Stoker's book, Dracula is cold and calculating but known to fly into fits of rage. He often vacillates between seemingly kind and an unholy terror who has, as Harker remarks, "a smile that Judas in Hell might be proud of".  He is incredibly proud and we are supposed to quake in our boots. He is decidedly not moral. Dracula has no qualms over slowly draining Lucy or Mina. But these characteristics just simply wouldn't do for a sexily brooding vampire. Goodness no! Our Dracula has a conscience. When Renfield questions why Dracula simply doesn't go to Mina and turn her if he so greatly desires her, Dracula answers that to do such a thing would be an abomination. Dracula doesn't want to turn her into a vampire, in other words, but to lose her twice would be too much to bear. My kingdom for a genuinely scary vampire! Dude. You're DRACULA. Turn into a bat and make her your bride, already.

So what's Dracula's plan instead of turning Mina? Corrupt Mina's boyfriend, Jonathan Harker. In any interpretation, Harker tends to look dull and like a male version of a Mary Sue. In our television universe, Harker is a poor but well intentioned newspaper reporter. He has ambition though, something Dracula will play on. This episode reveals Harker's incredible insecuirty over being poor and the fact that he can't provide a life for Mina. He cannot take her to shows or dinners or even buy her a proper engagement ring. He is overlooked at work and lives in fear that someone will swoop (bat pun intended) down and take away his Mina. This is one of the themes that the show is trying to work with but is falling flat due to some bad writing and poor acting. In this era, men were supposed to be men and women were supposed to be women. Mina might be at the top of her class at medical school and on her way to being a world class surgeon, but to Harker, once that ring goes on her finger, she is expected to do more womanly things--keep his house, raise his children, be a comfort and dear friend to him and him alone. Does Harker actually believe this malarkey? That's debatable. When Harker rattled all these things off to his friends, while Mina listened of course, he was drunk but more importantly he had essentially been castrated. He can't get a raise at work and despite a nice "feather in his cap" over the Alexander Grayson story, he is still seen as a second rate reporter with a small future.

He is falling behind in his chosen profession, a perfectly suitable profession for a male at that. Meanwhile, Mina is excelling in her profession, a profession that is utterly NOT female for this day and age. This show completely rewrote the dynamic between Harker and Mina. Mina is the more successful one; instead of being a schoolteacher (which is inherently more "womanly") she is studying to be a doctor, a higher paid and more respected position. Feelings of inadeicquacy drive Harker to make a deal with Dracula. At the top of the hour, Grayson approaches Harker with an intriguing offer: come work for me as my Vice President of the Press (is this even a real thing?), tell me all the great secrets of the inner workings of the London elite and in return you'll have excess money, fancy houses, servants, and respect. In other words: I'll make you into a man if you sell me your soul. Oh and I'll be seducing your fiancee. There is nothing wrong with this idea and it's actually quite intriguing if these actors were not so cardboard cutouts. If they want to make Mina a trailblazer in femininity, fantastic. I am all for that. But instead they make her this tower of feminism while also making her incredibly insipid. 

Every time she giggled like a little schoolgirl while spouting late 20th century ideals of women's roles I wanted to roll my eyes. If she's going to be a strong female, then make her a strong female. It doesn't help that she has no chemistry with the actor playing Harker and only slightly more chemistry with Meyers' Dracula.If this show wants to really sell me Dracula and Mina they need to make her his equal. She should be as cunning and dangerous as he is (or at least as cunning and dangerous as they are trying to sell him.)

The second deal of the episode came in Dracula's continued attempt to take down the Order of the Dragon, that bastion of society that has its greedy little paws in everything. Tonight we met Lord Lurent. Or Lord Laruent. Or Lord something. Let's just call him Lord L, cause honestly I couldn't understand what Grayson was calling him. Lord L has a controlling interest in the British company responsible for selling of the magical coolant (snort). He and Dracula have an equal foothold, something Dracula finds repulsive. This will be ironic in a few moments. Once Harker has agreed to work for Grayson, he reveals Lord L's greatest secret: he prefers the company of men. Again, this is an intriguing idea but the show is starting to become heavy with ideas and lack of follow through. This is the age of Oscar Wilde, a man who was put on trial and later in jail for his homosexaul "indecencies." Homosexuality (the act, not the word) is nothing new: there have been men who preferred men to woman for as long as there have been humans, but this show is obviously trying to be liberal in its approach and appeal to mass audiences. Lordlings and the upper crust did have these type of affairs. It is not as if they aren't being historically accurate. But this show needs to pick a theme or two and stick to it, instead of trying to give me every liberal and/or modern theme it can think of. Naturally, Dracula is all for free love. It's not his business who loves whom but honestly the hero of the show can't have a problem with it because then he is less heroic. Once Dracula corners Lord L, the gig is up. Lord L cannot risk a scandal. Love might be love but in Victorian London you did NOT leave your family and money and reputation for an illicit love affair of the same sex.

The final deal of this episode takes us back to Dracula's past. As we learned last week, Van Helsing is responsible for waking Dracula up from his near death starvation. He did this so that the two might work together to take down the Order of the Dragon. Both Dracula and Van Helsing lost their families due to the Order's machinations. During the flashback a few things were confirmed: our Dracula is Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia; our Dracula cannot be in the sun for any period of time or he will burst into ashes and that the deal between Van Helsing and Dracula is mutually beneficial for both and more than just taking down the Order. Dracula is limited by his inability to be in the sun. Van Helsing, medical doctor extraordinaire, thinks he can "cure" Dracula of this affliction. Van Helsing takes syringes of blood from Dracula on a regular basis in order to figure out how to find a cure. Not quite sure why Van Helsing agreed to this; I'm pretty sure as soon as Dracula is "cured" of his sunlight affliction, he'll just eat Van Helsing and call it a day. Or at least the Dracula of the book would.

Miscellaneous Notes from A Whiff of Sulphur 
 
-- I think Blonde Nina Lady Jane might be the most hysterical part of this whole show. She's either half undressed, rolling around with Dracula for sexy time OR she's running around London in the most un-Victorian outfit EVER, complete with stupid hairdo and a machete. There needed to be a vampire hunter since Van Helsing as been reduced to a doctor who helps Dracula. And the show thinks it's being innovative by having a female vampire hunter (you are several years too late for this to be innovative and anything but derivative of Buffy) but come on. Knee high leather boots, red tights, and a mini skirt. Yeah no sure, she's totally going to go unnoticed in Victorian London.

--The "seers" from last week were opium addicts with a shiny mirror. Okay then.

--Dracula needs to start draining Lucy if NBC wants to keep calling this show "Dracula" and be somewhat credible.

--The best part of this show is watching it with friends and trying to predict how many woman Dracula will sleep with. Poor Meyers, once he played Henry VIII he was never going to be allowed to NOT have the sexy time.