In Which I Review Sleepy Hollow (1x6)

The term sin is a hard one to define. It can mean error, wrongdoing, "to miss the mark" and taken in a religious context, it can mean the violation of God's holy law or a violation of the relationship between God and humanity which is supposed to be sacred. The New Testament clearly states in the Gospel of John that every human sins ("let he who is without sin cast the first stone") but that forgiveness is possible through Jesus. By offering your sins up to God and repenting, you are absolved and cleansed. But are there sins that are un-absovable? I have no desire to get into theology but what happens if you think your sins are too great and there is no chance of forgiveness but instead the gaping maw of Hell looms in your future? Enter the sin eater legend. The sin eater legend is a type of religious magic in which a special individual has the ability to remove the sin from the soul and takes it into their own. For what it's worth, often times Jesus is seen as the archetypical sin eater. The ritual of the sin eater is interesting in its own right but essentially the sin eater places bread on the sinner in question and the sin goes into the bread which the sin eater then consumes, thus allowing the sinner to rest in peace. In this weeks episode of Sleepy Hollow "The Sin Eater" we are introduced to a new character, whom I suspect will play a key role later, and Ichabod unburdens himself of his past sins. 

After two weeks off for the World Series, it was nice to have Sleepy Hollow come back with a bang. When we last left off, Ichabod and Abbie were fighting the forces of darkness, the Headless Horseman had risen from the lake, and the mystery of Katrina and her connection to the demon Moloch was teased. So naturally the episode opened with a baseball game. I had to laugh at the obvious reference to the just concluded World Series but even more chuckling came when Ichabod attempted to heckle the players and umpire from the stands. Could he get any cuter? The interaction between Abbie and Ichabod is becoming quite precious and enjoyable. The gap between their two worlds is closing, especially as Abbie explains her love of baseball: tradition, teamwork, and democracy. All things Ichabod loves. This brief respite of fun was a nice breather before the much darker and heavy episode that followed. While this episode was actually quite good overall, it did suffer from one thing: the dreaded info-dump.

Info-dump is a term used when in TV or literature, the writers proceed to give the audience/reader a hefty amount of information in a short period of time. This information is always vital to the overall arc or plot but tends to come in one fell swoop that barely gives the audience time to process or breathe. Most often it is done by exposition between two characters wherein one character asks questions and the other explains the world in which they are living and the history of how the world got this way. In the case of this episode of Sleepy Hollow, Ichabod was literally held hostage and told he had to give his life story to prove who he was. Meanwhile, Abbie and her nutty sister Jenny hunt for the deus ex machina Sin Eater that can solve all their problems.

Is the Sin Eater a plot device? It's debatable. On the one hand, he did appear at just the right moment and solve the mega problem of the series which is that Ichabod and the Headless Horseman are connected via blood. That's pretty "god from machine" to me. But on the other hand, I do believe the Sin Eater will play a bigger role in the series, whatever that might be (one does not hire John Noble for just one episode. Especially when the creators of this show worked with him for 5 years previously, creating one of the most beloved cult show characters). But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After the adorable Ichabbie baseball game, Ichabod proceeds to walk to the supposed grave site of his wife, Katrina. Where he is promptly shot with a tranquilizer dart and kidnapped. Meanwhile, Ichabod in danger, Katrina sends Abbie a message from the great beyond through a vision. The vision is haunting and strange and there are probably clues all over the place. It might take some intense rewatching to catch them all, but here are a few that stood out to me: the vision takes place in the Crane house, the home Katrina and Ichabod created for themselves, yet the house is not a happy one. One can hear the sounds of a crying babe throughout the vision and when Abbie finds a black bassinet, there is no baby inside but a black voodoo-like doll. I am reminded that Moloch is the demon associated with children and that Katrina has made some sort of deal with him. Did Katrina offer up her and Ichabod's child to Moloch in order to preserve Ichabod's life? Also in the vision, the Headless Horseman appears and gives Abbie chase throughout the house. Why is the Horseman in the house and apart of this vision? If the Horseman is actually DEATH are we to assume that "death" is a presence in the Crane household, forming a deeper connection that just the blood link between the Horseman and Ichabod? And finally, I could not help but notice the coven of women in the house performing sort of ritual, clothed in black lace. My theory that Katrina is part of the dark evil coven continues to be supported.

Katrina eventually appears to Abbie and tells the Lieutenant that she must find the Sin Eater before the Headless Horseman rides by nightfall. The Sin Eater--and the Sin Eater alone--can separate Ichabod and the Headless Horseman. Once their blood is no longer connected, it will be possible to take down the Horseman without doing fatal harm to Icahbod. From this point, there are two different narratives so let's take them one at a time. Abbie gets her sister Jenny out of the psych ward and together the two investigate the mystery of the Sin Eater which leads them to Walter Bishop Henry Parrish (who will never be anybody but Walter Bishop to me and I am waiting for this new character to make an LSD reference or ask for a root beer float or talk about fruit cocktails (I miss Fringe)). Henry Parrish is a bit of a sad man who wants nothing to do with his gift; it is not one he understands and one he longer has any interest in administering. The only help Henry can offer is by showing Abbie where Ichabod is being held, so long as her connection to Ichabod is strong enough. And of course it is. Hear that? That's the sound of a ship with wind in its sails heading out for canon waters. Abbie learns that Ichabod is being held underground by the Freemasons (naturally. Because somehow they always come into this). Which brings us to Ichabod's capture.

Ichabod awakens from his tranquilized state to discover that he is being held by the Freemasons, a deduction he makes in a very Sherlock Holmes type of way. The Masons are suspicious that Ichabod is not really their long lost brother and thus put him to a test. They have in their possession an account of Ichabod's life, but not written by him. If Ichabod can tell his story and it matches the book, then he must be the real Ichabod. Side note but does this mean there have been imposter Ichabod's over the years? Are there other men wandering around in colonial dress claiming to be a long dead solider? There is one story in particular the Masons want Ichabod to retell and it begins with Latin (oh boy! All good things start with Latin!): ordo ab chao or order from chaos, which is a saying of the Freemasons.

We then flashback to when Ichabod was still a loyal British redcoat trying to find traitors who are spreading sedition. In this case, a pamphlet spread by "Cicero" leads the Brits to a freed slave named Arthur Bernard. Ichabod's job is to torture Bernard into revealing who Cicero is (these guys have obviously never watched TV. Everyone knows the suspect is the author). During this time Ichabod meets Quaker Nurse Katrina van Tassel who tries to talk Ichabod out of his mission. Ichabod is obviously drawn to Katrina and after watching the senseless brutality of his fellow Redcoats, Ichabod's conscience begins to nag at him. And then he sees that his commanding officer is a demon. I mean, they had to get demons in here somehow, right? When he is ordered to kill Bernard, Ichabod instead frees him, deciding that his loyalties no longer lie with the British but with the colonists. But then Bernard dies anyway by the hand of the demon and Ichabod is left wounded. From that moment on, Ichabod became an American spy working with General Washington and eventually marries Katrina, as we know. But the death of the freed slave has weighed heavily on Ichabod: if he had let him go earlier, maybe he would have lived! This is Ichabod's greatest sin.

After Ichabod finishes telling the Masons his tale, the Masons accept him as the real Ichabod Crane and reveal that it was Katrina who wrote the account in the book and that Katrina also hid her husband away once she brought him back to life. She hid him away because the Masons were looking to kill Ichabod! Oh no! We have to remember that Ichabod's life is tied to the Headless Horseman and if Ichabod dies, makes the ultimate self-sacrifice, then the Headless Horseman will perish and the Apocalypse will be averted (side note but NO. You cannot KILL DEATH. This continues to annoy me). It is at this point that Abbie arrives to save Ichabod only to find that Ichabod is ready to go to his death and drinks poison. Abbie refuses to leave Ichabod and holds his hand as he slips away.

But then by some miracle the Sin Eater arrives. How did he arrive just in time? Was this planned? Why did he change his mind? He claims it is because he realizes Ichabod is the true reason for his gift but that seems convenient. I am now suspicious of this Sin Eater. We get to see the ritual play out on screen which was bizarre but interesting. The Sin Eater pierces Ichabod's palm (a la nails of crucifixion). As Ichabod's blood pools on the table, the Sin Eater instructs him to bring Bernard to the front of his mind and ask for absolution. When the ex-slave appears, he tells Ichabod that he has nothing to feel guilty over and that the Headless Horseman is feeding on Icahbod's regret (wut?) and it is more important to stop the Horseman and to do that the two must separate. Then the blood that has pooled on the table actually separates into Ichabod's red and the Horseman's black (wut?) and the Sin Eater dips his bread into the blood and eats it. Ichabod has now been sanctified and the poison has been removed from his system (wut?) and now Ichabod and Abbie can face the Horseman without fear of Ichabod dying. Also: they hugged!! Abbie and Ichabod hugged!! That is clearly the most important part of the story.

Miscellaneous Notes from The Sin Eater

--I didn't want to ship Ichabbie but I think I'm a goner. Between Ichabod bowing to Abbie in the beginning and then them hugging at the end, let your ship flags fly.

--I fail to see why they brought Jenny back into this episode. She didn't actually do anything; Abbie figured out where the Sin Eater was.

--The episode ended with the Horseman going to Ichabod's underground cave/grave. Does he sense that the two are no longer tied? Will we see the other Horseman? We've already seen Pestilence.

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (3x6)

I was three years old when Disney's The Little Mermaid came out in theaters. From the opening moments to the final happy ending, I was enthralled. Ariel and the movie became my obsession. Everything had to be The Little Mermaid. I had toys, clothing, bedding, ect. I could sing every song, quote every line of dialogue, and (according to my family) I would perform the entire thing on command. Even now, at the age of 26, it remains one of my very favorite Disney movies and it never fails: Triton letting his little girl go to be with a human makes me sob. Since Once Upon a Time premiered back in 2011, fans have been asking, "Where is Ariel?" They have looked for clues and hints that the worlds most famous and beloved mermaid was in Storybrooke somewhere. Every red head on the street became suspect but creators Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis were adamant that we hadn't seen her yet. And then finally, after two and a half seasons, Ariel became a part of our world. This week's episode "Ariel" dealt not only with the little mermaid herself but with the reoccurring motif of second chances and the secrets we keep buried inside to protect ourselves.

Poor Unfortunate Soul

Ariel has a habit of saving humans. We meet our little mermaid as Bandit Snow is running through the woods, trying to escape Regina's guards. The solution was to jump off a cliff. Side note but Snow, dear, did you have a plan? You didn't know Ariel was there to rescue you so what exactly were you planning to do? But saved Snow is and an instant friendship is formed between the princess and the mermaid. As the two get to know each other, we learn a bit more about Ariel. Writers Adam and Eddy kept her as close to Disney as they could. She had the red hair, the green tail and the purple bra but there were also a host of in house references (remember, ABC is owned by Disney). Ariel carries a little purse and is apparently a bit of a kleptomaniac, which was hysterical and totally in character. Disney's Ariel loves to swim to sunken boats and find human treasures for her giant-cave-o-stuff. Our Ariel is no different. And among her many treasures is an invitation to the Under the Sea (Disney reference!) Ball in honor of the mythic Sea Goddess Ursula. Ursula is just a myth, a long dead tale gone for thousands of years but remembered by both the sea folk and the humans on land. Why does Ariel want to go to the Under the Sea Ball? True love of course! About a year ago, Ariel saved a human male named Eric from drowning in a ship wreck and the moment she looked upon his face, she knew it was true love. This is something Snow understands completely. The timeline of this episode was little hard to piece together but I believe this is the month in between Snow meeting Charming for the first time (during highway robbery) and their second meeting before his wedding to Abigail. During that time, Snow tried to loose herself in the woods and forget him but found it impossible--it was true love. Snow is determined to help Ariel get her happy ending but there is one problem: a lack of legs. But this wouldn't be the Little Mermaid if Ariel didn't have legs for awhile. Once a year the sea goddess Ursula gifts the merfolk with legs for 12 hours so that they might go upon land. It just so happens that this wonderful time occurs during Eric's ball.

I had to suspend quite a bit of disbelief for the ball scene: how did they get in with just one invitation? How did Snow, the most wanted Bandit in the Enchanted Forest, not get caught? Where did they get the fancy dresses? But I was willing to overlook these trifling matters because of the writing and frankly sheer joy of watching one of my favorite Disney movies brought to life. The cutesy dialogue between Snow and Ariel was spot on and I loved how Ariel was shoving trinkets into her dress for safekeeping. The romance between Eric and Ariel did feel fast. One dance and he wants to take her off to the see world--but these are fairy tales and that's how they work, especially when you are relying heavily on the Disney version. Eric has been dreaming of Ariel's face and believes she is his future. He fell in love with her through a dream and he doesn't want to waste anytime. I have to give credit to Gil McKinney who played Eric--he was given very little to do outside of be the the Prince and the writing didn't allow him to give Eric any real flavor. But I did enjoy the couple's interaction. It was sweet and cute and I wanted more, and this is coming from someone who has been shipping Hookriel (Hook and Ariel) for a long time. Ariel is conflicted; she wants to go off with Eric and see the world but she also knows that after 12 hours she is once again reduced to a fish and cannot be apart of his world for another year. Does she tell him or does she break his heart? In a moment of distress, Ariel turns to her faith and belief in Ursula. During the whole Snow and Ariel adventure, Regina has been watching in her mirror and comes up with a plan to bring down Snow. Regina will play on Ariel's faith and belief and thus we get Ursulana. It's no great secret that Lana Parilla (Regina) wanted to be Ursula. I was against it initially because it just felt too much for her to be the Evil Queen and Ursula. Too much evil in one package. But, as there normally is on ONCE, there was a twist.

I gotta hand it to Lana Parilla; she pulled off Fake Ursula spectacularly--different voice, different mannerisms. And of course, more Disney references: "My poor sweet child," is a direct line from the movie! Fake!Ursula offers Ariel a deal that will allow the mermaid to be on land forever and with her Prince. Poor Ariel doesn't realize she is being played until much later but Ursula gifts Ariel with a bracelet that will allow Ariel to keep her legs and the wearer of the bracelet will get Ariel's fins so long as the bracelet stays on. Guess who gets to wear this special bracelet? It's Snow of course. And suddenly we have MerSnow! That was wholly unexpected and kind of amazing. Snow, now with a flashy green tail, is unable to run when Real!Regina shows up to take her revenge. Ariel doesn't want to leave Snow alone with the Evil Queen but Regina encourages her to go be with her Prince: this is her one shot at true love and she should take it. There are no second chances (oh Regina of the Past. If only you could see this show now). It looks like Ariel will leave MerSnow to her fate but then...she stabs Regina with a dinglehopper. I fell into a fit of giggles at this. The dinglehopper (fork) is iconic in the Little Mermaid. When Ariel was announced, everyone wanted to know if she'd have a fork. Instead of using it to comb her hair, she uses it to stab Regina in the neck. Once again, Ariel saves Snow and the two swim away leaving Regina without her catch of the day.

There is one more bit of Ariel's story that is classic to both the original Hans Christian Anderson tale and Disney's: Ariel's voice. After being saved, Snow tells Ariel to go and tell Eric how she feels. If she's honest with him and their love is true, it can survive anything. Ariel, giddy as a school girl, swims away to Eric's castle. Just as she is about to call out his name, she finds herself mute. Regina has taken her voice and Eric leaves without Ariel, thinking that she doesn't really love him. It's a credit to the writing of Adam and Eddy and the casting that this scene played so well. Ariel's devastation was palpable and so was Eric's distress. Regina: killing happy endings for years. But in the present day we got a bit more of mermaid myth: they can travel between worlds. Regina summons Ariel to Neverland and gives her back her voice. The Evil Queen has a task for Ariel and even though Ariel doesn't want to help Regina she will if it means finding Eric. The task? Go to Storybrooke. And finally after 6 episodes we're heading back home to our friends in Maine. I've really loved the Neverland arc; it has been dark and creepy and very angsty. But I'm ready to see Storybrooke and its inhabitants once more.

Cause Two Can Keep A Secret If One Of Them Is Dead

For an entire week a debate raged: would Hook tell Emma that Neal was alive? Turns out, people were half right? Hook tells Snow and Charming that Pan claims Neal is alive but it could be a trick. And if it is a trick, Emma will be hurt all over again. Best to keep it a secret and find out if Neal is alive for ourselves before we tell her. I'm not actually sure how I feel about this. Lying is bad and secrets have a tendency to come out (especially when you tell Snow who is just incapable of keeping them) but it was done out of concern and love. I was glad this little interlude only lasted one scene. Emma should know that Neal is alive, for non ship reasons. He is the father of her child and she needed to know. Neal's death has been hanging over Emma all season: she's pissed that he died, she's pissed that he left her, she's pissed at how when they finally said the I Love You it was too late. So once again, the task of Saving Henry is put on hold. I understand that the writers are dealing with a lot this season but I had hoped more progress would have been made on this front. So far, Henry's gotten one scene of being given hope but it's debatable if that message actually worked and if he believed it. We've saved Charming and now we're saving Neal. But despite one more tangent, I was ok with this one. Because my shipper heart sometimes rules my ability to watch TV. However, this tangant is the final straw for Regina who has been "camping with the Charmings" for a week and is sick to death of it. It's peace out for Regina who decides to find Rumple instead because the evil duo can accomplish tasks better than the do-gooder's.

The path to Neal is a tricky one and it leads them to the Echo Caves where Pan has moved Neal's cage. This is all part of Pan's games. He is setting up our Jolly Roger crew to hate each other; by revealing their secrets inside the cave, Pan is driving a wedge between everyone. The secrets our characters tell are not the deepest dark secrets of their past but secrets of the heart. And what is everyone's greatest secrets?
Hook's secret is that he never thought he would move on from Milah, his first love. But then he met Emma and he realized that he can move on. This secret is tricky. There is rejoicing in both ships today. On the one hand, Hook didn't say that he loved Emma but that she makes him realize that he can move on from a lost love. On the other, it did read as an I love you. But I think Hook's feelings are misplaced. It's not love he feels but a sense of gratitude and thankfulness that he now knows he can have love again. He's misreading his own feelings but until he figures that out, the triangle isn't going anywhere. (side note: I am sick to death of it already. I know this is the kind of drama TV loves but it's exhausting being pulled and pushed in both directions). Snow's secret is that she loves her daughter very much but she feels cheated out of being able to raise her daughter and she wants another go at it. This has been a reoccurring theme for Snow all season: she has no idea how to mother a girl who is the same age as her. I hope this isn't read as, "I want a replacement baby" but I think the major theme of the season, besides belief, is second chances. Hook wants a second chance at love; Snow wants a second chance at being a mother. Charming wants a second chance too but his confession is that he is stuck in Neverland after being healed with the magical waters. And Emma? Emma has the biggest secret of them all.

There is not one SwanFire out that I know of who thought the relationship between Emma and Neal would be easy. There is pain and regret and mistrust but there is love. Oh, there is love. Emma's secret is that she has never stopped loving Neal and that she will always love him but she wished this had been a trick by Peter Pan because the only way she could ever move on from Neal is if he was dead; if he is alive, he has a stake in her heart. So it is easier for her to believe him dead because now Emma has to deal with the big scary emotions. And Emma doesn't do big scary emotions. She is a walls up kid of girl and starting at the face of the man she has loved for 11 years, without ceasing, is terrifying. But in Neal's words: "you can say anything to me." And then the hug. I wasn't disappointed that there was no kiss, that would be outside of Emma's character.  Emma can handle the heady lust filled emotions that cause pirate smoochies but they don't register to her, hence her telling Snow that the kiss meant nothing and it happened because it had been awhile and she was feeling good. A thought she reiterated to Hook before he confessed, mind you. What Emma cannot handle are the deep emotions of love--maybe even true love. And Neal makes it very clear, he's going to fight for her. He will never stop fighting for her (oh Rumbelle callbacks!). Now or ever. My deepest hope is that the triangle goes on hiatus until they get back to Storybrooke with Henry and then it can be triangle hell until Emma makes a choice.

Miscellaneous Notes from Ariel

--I'm more or less passing over the whole Shadow!Belle incident because I'm just glad it's over. I don't know if Belle has been the Shadow this whole time or if it was just the shadow this time because it was spouting the same ideas Pan was. That part of this story is done and now we can see Real!Belle and hopefully some amazing Rumbelle moments. Though amazing Rumbelle moments on top of SwanFire moments might be the death of me. As another note, is the Shadow really Peter Pan? I'm starting to doubt it.

--Pan and Rumple are brothers. If they aren't brothers then this is the best red herring on the show. Pan cooked him breakfast--his favorite breakfast for heaven's sake.

--Regina and Rumple together! Ah, that's magic. What will Ariel be bringing back to Neverland? Well Rumple called it a fate worse than death, which has been used once before on this show; back in the season 2 premiere it was used to describe what happens when the Wraith takes a soul. Might Regina and Rumple try to take Pan's soul? Does he have a soul to take?

--I loved the random appearance of Real!Ursula at the end and even more than that, I loved that Regina was scared of her. 

--Henceforth, all forks in my house will be known as mini-tridents.




  

In Which I Review Dracula (1x2)

They say you should never make a deal with the devil--it will come back against you tenfold. The devil's job is to entice, to offer up before your eyes something you deeply desire: love, respect, money or advancement. The best devilish characters in TV play on your weaknesses; they seek to know what exactly would turn you toward them and serve. In this weeks episode, "A Whiff of Sulphur," we find out what happens to people who accept deals with Dracula and what happens to those who deign to deny the powerful vampire what he wants. We also explore whether or not Dracula is actually a devil in respectable sheep's clothing (and faux American accent) or if he is a victim of circumstance. 

I'm rather surprised that I'm even blogging this episode. The pilot last week did little to nothing to endear this show to me. As I previously ranted about last week, this is not Dracula. Apart from the names of the characters, the actual literary Dracula has been been wholly removed and in its place is a Downton Abbey mixed with The Vampire Dairies/True Blood monstrosity that is relying heavily on Jonathan Rhys Meyers's sex appeal. So why am I still watching? Because this show is so bad, it's good. This show is giving me a chance to deride something without being offended at the poor quality of writing, acting, and message (a la Under the Dome). The show wants to say something--I can feel it--but it can't settle on just what issue it wants to tackle: literature, history, myth, good vs evil, gender negotiation and construction, class, sexism, or business ventures that were quite prolific in this era. It's taking itself too seriously and trying so hard to sell the idea of being a legitimate, thought provoking show with something to say, that I all I do is laugh and count how many women Dracula sleeps with in a single episode. The writers need to take a Sleepy Hollow approach and realize that their material is so ludicrous (Dracula is SELLING COOLANT for heaven's sake) that they can have fun with it. Sleepy Hollow is the success it is because, for the most part, the writers and creators realize how outlandish and preposterous the show is that they can have fun with it.

Speaking of laughable moments: is Dracula evil? At least he doesn't sparkle but I can already tell that the television show of the world's most famous vampire is being set up as an anti-hero and possibly even the actual hero. In Stoker's book, Dracula is cold and calculating but known to fly into fits of rage. He often vacillates between seemingly kind and an unholy terror who has, as Harker remarks, "a smile that Judas in Hell might be proud of".  He is incredibly proud and we are supposed to quake in our boots. He is decidedly not moral. Dracula has no qualms over slowly draining Lucy or Mina. But these characteristics just simply wouldn't do for a sexily brooding vampire. Goodness no! Our Dracula has a conscience. When Renfield questions why Dracula simply doesn't go to Mina and turn her if he so greatly desires her, Dracula answers that to do such a thing would be an abomination. Dracula doesn't want to turn her into a vampire, in other words, but to lose her twice would be too much to bear. My kingdom for a genuinely scary vampire! Dude. You're DRACULA. Turn into a bat and make her your bride, already.

So what's Dracula's plan instead of turning Mina? Corrupt Mina's boyfriend, Jonathan Harker. In any interpretation, Harker tends to look dull and like a male version of a Mary Sue. In our television universe, Harker is a poor but well intentioned newspaper reporter. He has ambition though, something Dracula will play on. This episode reveals Harker's incredible insecuirty over being poor and the fact that he can't provide a life for Mina. He cannot take her to shows or dinners or even buy her a proper engagement ring. He is overlooked at work and lives in fear that someone will swoop (bat pun intended) down and take away his Mina. This is one of the themes that the show is trying to work with but is falling flat due to some bad writing and poor acting. In this era, men were supposed to be men and women were supposed to be women. Mina might be at the top of her class at medical school and on her way to being a world class surgeon, but to Harker, once that ring goes on her finger, she is expected to do more womanly things--keep his house, raise his children, be a comfort and dear friend to him and him alone. Does Harker actually believe this malarkey? That's debatable. When Harker rattled all these things off to his friends, while Mina listened of course, he was drunk but more importantly he had essentially been castrated. He can't get a raise at work and despite a nice "feather in his cap" over the Alexander Grayson story, he is still seen as a second rate reporter with a small future.

He is falling behind in his chosen profession, a perfectly suitable profession for a male at that. Meanwhile, Mina is excelling in her profession, a profession that is utterly NOT female for this day and age. This show completely rewrote the dynamic between Harker and Mina. Mina is the more successful one; instead of being a schoolteacher (which is inherently more "womanly") she is studying to be a doctor, a higher paid and more respected position. Feelings of inadeicquacy drive Harker to make a deal with Dracula. At the top of the hour, Grayson approaches Harker with an intriguing offer: come work for me as my Vice President of the Press (is this even a real thing?), tell me all the great secrets of the inner workings of the London elite and in return you'll have excess money, fancy houses, servants, and respect. In other words: I'll make you into a man if you sell me your soul. Oh and I'll be seducing your fiancee. There is nothing wrong with this idea and it's actually quite intriguing if these actors were not so cardboard cutouts. If they want to make Mina a trailblazer in femininity, fantastic. I am all for that. But instead they make her this tower of feminism while also making her incredibly insipid. 

Every time she giggled like a little schoolgirl while spouting late 20th century ideals of women's roles I wanted to roll my eyes. If she's going to be a strong female, then make her a strong female. It doesn't help that she has no chemistry with the actor playing Harker and only slightly more chemistry with Meyers' Dracula.If this show wants to really sell me Dracula and Mina they need to make her his equal. She should be as cunning and dangerous as he is (or at least as cunning and dangerous as they are trying to sell him.)

The second deal of the episode came in Dracula's continued attempt to take down the Order of the Dragon, that bastion of society that has its greedy little paws in everything. Tonight we met Lord Lurent. Or Lord Laruent. Or Lord something. Let's just call him Lord L, cause honestly I couldn't understand what Grayson was calling him. Lord L has a controlling interest in the British company responsible for selling of the magical coolant (snort). He and Dracula have an equal foothold, something Dracula finds repulsive. This will be ironic in a few moments. Once Harker has agreed to work for Grayson, he reveals Lord L's greatest secret: he prefers the company of men. Again, this is an intriguing idea but the show is starting to become heavy with ideas and lack of follow through. This is the age of Oscar Wilde, a man who was put on trial and later in jail for his homosexaul "indecencies." Homosexuality (the act, not the word) is nothing new: there have been men who preferred men to woman for as long as there have been humans, but this show is obviously trying to be liberal in its approach and appeal to mass audiences. Lordlings and the upper crust did have these type of affairs. It is not as if they aren't being historically accurate. But this show needs to pick a theme or two and stick to it, instead of trying to give me every liberal and/or modern theme it can think of. Naturally, Dracula is all for free love. It's not his business who loves whom but honestly the hero of the show can't have a problem with it because then he is less heroic. Once Dracula corners Lord L, the gig is up. Lord L cannot risk a scandal. Love might be love but in Victorian London you did NOT leave your family and money and reputation for an illicit love affair of the same sex.

The final deal of this episode takes us back to Dracula's past. As we learned last week, Van Helsing is responsible for waking Dracula up from his near death starvation. He did this so that the two might work together to take down the Order of the Dragon. Both Dracula and Van Helsing lost their families due to the Order's machinations. During the flashback a few things were confirmed: our Dracula is Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia; our Dracula cannot be in the sun for any period of time or he will burst into ashes and that the deal between Van Helsing and Dracula is mutually beneficial for both and more than just taking down the Order. Dracula is limited by his inability to be in the sun. Van Helsing, medical doctor extraordinaire, thinks he can "cure" Dracula of this affliction. Van Helsing takes syringes of blood from Dracula on a regular basis in order to figure out how to find a cure. Not quite sure why Van Helsing agreed to this; I'm pretty sure as soon as Dracula is "cured" of his sunlight affliction, he'll just eat Van Helsing and call it a day. Or at least the Dracula of the book would.

Miscellaneous Notes from A Whiff of Sulphur 
 
-- I think Blonde Nina Lady Jane might be the most hysterical part of this whole show. She's either half undressed, rolling around with Dracula for sexy time OR she's running around London in the most un-Victorian outfit EVER, complete with stupid hairdo and a machete. There needed to be a vampire hunter since Van Helsing as been reduced to a doctor who helps Dracula. And the show thinks it's being innovative by having a female vampire hunter (you are several years too late for this to be innovative and anything but derivative of Buffy) but come on. Knee high leather boots, red tights, and a mini skirt. Yeah no sure, she's totally going to go unnoticed in Victorian London.

--The "seers" from last week were opium addicts with a shiny mirror. Okay then.

--Dracula needs to start draining Lucy if NBC wants to keep calling this show "Dracula" and be somewhat credible.

--The best part of this show is watching it with friends and trying to predict how many woman Dracula will sleep with. Poor Meyers, once he played Henry VIII he was never going to be allowed to NOT have the sexy time.

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (3x5)

Here come the fangirls. Don't worry, I'm not one of them. For whatever reason, I've never truly warmed up to our dear Captain Hook. Maybe it's because I was already a staunch Dearie and my love of Rumple clouded my judgement. Maybe it's because our first introduction to him in 204's "The Crocodile" was as a man who helped break up a family and that didn't sit well with me. Maybe it's because he isn't really Captain Hook so much as a faux-Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean. And maybe it's because he uncomfortably reminds me of people in my past I'd rather forget. Whatever the reason may be, I've kept a wary eye on Hook and frowned whenever he graces my screen. This weeks episode, "Good Form," took us back in the past when Hook had two good hands (and a pony tail), and went by his rightful name of Killian Jones. Meanwhile in the present, Hook and Charming set out on an adventure together to try and find a way home. I will be frank: this was the weakest episode of the season for me. It was convoluted, confusing, and complicated. There was a lot of duplicity and deception and randomness that just didn't fit. A host of objects and plot devices were introduced seemingly out of nowhere. While I feel as though I have a better understanding of Hook now, it does not endear me toward him in the slightest. And yeah, Hook and Emma kissed. But we'll get to that. 

My Brother's Keeper

Hook got himself a funny little hat. Or, Jones, I guess I should call him. Lieutenant Jones of the Fairy Tale Land Navy and his (incredibly stupid brother) Captain Liam. Killian was a goody two shoes back in the day. He despaired of drink, sloppy dress, and "bad form." This is a nice tie into the classic Peter Pan mythology in which the fictional Captain Hook was obsessed with gentlemanly conduct and "good form." Even pirates have codes and there is honor among thieves as we learned in the last episode of Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. Jones and Jones have been tasked by the King (who knows which one?) to travel to a distant land. This land isn't familiar to anyone and the way to get there is rather complicated. Welcome to this evening's first two "magical mystery objects that have no significance outside this episode!" First up, a special golden inlaid sextant which is used to chart the stars and help guide the sailors. Of course the directions to Neverland are as always vague and no sailor in their right mind would simply say, "second star to the right and straight on 'till morning." 

The second is the Pegasus sail. Was anyone else confused as to who was chasing after the Jones's ship? The flag they were flying looked identical to the Naval flags the Jones' brothers were flying. Why were they suddenly being fired upon? Was it the incredibly vague enemy of the equally vague war Liam and Killian kept discussing in such a roundabout way that all it did was create more questions when I should be focusing on Neverland?

So here we have the Pegasus sail. For those unaware, the Pegasus was a Greek mythic creature who was part horse and part bird. He is normally associated with the hero Hercules. Apparently someone got a hold of this creature, cut all its feathers off and made a nice little sail for this boat. Oh and they painted a Pegasus on it too. Convenient sail is convenient. Why didn't they use pixie dust? You know, the traditional method of travel for the Jolly Roger. There is speculation that because that image of the flying Jolly Roger is so iconic, the writers and producers are saving it until the final scene of season 3. Perhaps. But man was this sail stupid. What happened to the poor Pegasus? He is now locked in some stable, wingless and sad, being ridden by stable boys and girls?

Anyway, the Jones brothers manage to fly, with their Pegasus sail, to Neverland where they run into Peter Pan. After 5 episodes we finally have the classic showdown I think most of us have been waiting for. Peter and Hook are iconic hero/villain characters and the audience has been waiting for that history to be uncovered. But unlike last week where Rumple and Peter met even though they are not traditionally associated with each other, this meeting between Hook and Pan fell flat. There were no sword fights. No taunting. No "codfish" references. Just Peter being enigmatic and Killian making deals he did not understand.

There are no kings in Neverland, just Peter.  Peter has been there for such a long time (seriously, how old is he?!) and Liam reveals that the real reason they've come to Neverland is in search of a plant that can cure any ill. When he shows the drawing of this plant to Peter, Pan laughs and says that this plant is used to kill people, not to save them. The plant in question is of course dreamshade, thus explaining how Hook knows so much about it in present day Neverland. Liam refuses to trust Pan given that the boy is only about 17 (in appearance) and the brothers set off to find the plant. Killian is at least a little bit skeptical and questions if the King would really send them after a magical plant or if this is a way to win that incredibly vague war against the incredibly vague enemy. Liam tells him that the King would do no such thing and to prove a point, cuts himself with the thorn of the dreamshade plant. Because he is apparently stupid. I don't care if you have blind faith in your ruler but rule number one of hiking through a mystical jungle that required you to FLY A SHIP to get to, where there are no living inhabitants except a boy claiming to be king is "don't trust the wildlife." And of course, within seconds Liam is on the ground near death as the dreamshade works its way up to his heart.

Killian is desperate and Peter shows up (the kid can vanish and reappear at will. He gets creepier by the second) to taunt Killian and make a deal. There are mystical waters on the island that are enriched with the magic of Neverland that keeps everyone so young and healthy. If Killian gives Liam a drink of this water, Liam will live. But, as Pan says, "all magic comes with a price!'" (TeamBrothers!) Killian is willing to do anything to save his brother and gives him the water. The two brothers, Liam now restored to health, set sail back to the Enchanted Forest feeling lucky to be alive. But as soon as they leave Neverland the price of magic becomes clear. Anyone who drinks of the water can never leave. The magic only works in Neverland. Liam falls down dead and Killian has lost his brother for good. Having lost his faith in the king and now his brother, the only (logical?) thing to do is become a pirate! Killian wastes no time persuading his men to join him in turning their backs against what he thought was "good form." Killian, the sailor, tosses his uniform off the ship, renames his beloved boat the Jolly Roger and Killian Jones, leather wearing pirate is born. There were a lot of call backs to The Crocodile in this episode; Liam died in Killian's arms and then was buried at sea just like Milah. The problem was that the flashbacks, while maybe the best bit of the episode, fell flat because of the convoluted reasoning behind everything. Why is the fountain of youth in Neverland? How does this affect time--because biological time is supposed to just stop in Neverland. And if the spring if still alive and plentiful today then why does Peter Pan need Henry's heart as the truest believer to restore the magic? What is Henry's heart going to do--make it a pleasant 70 degrees with no humidity and ensure that a nice steady rain falls every day so that the spring never dries up? Is Pan going to drop the heart in the water and *magic* the waters return to their magical ways? Except that clearly the magic hasn't faded in Neverland at all since Pan hasn't aged and the waters healed Charming! Speaking of Charming, let's move on to that little adventure.

CaptainCharming

Charming is a noble idiot. And I mean that lovingly, I swear. He is willing to die if it means there are no detours in finding Henry and getting out of Neverland. Hook, seeing that he can not convince Charming to tell Snow and Emma, decides to play on Charming's inner knight: he informs Charming that he may have a way out of Neverland but the adventrue is fraught with peril and most likely Charming won't survive. Naturally, Charming jumps at the chance to die for true love and family. It's what he does; it's part of his heroic code. It does make a reasonable amount of sense that Charming and Hook would grow closer. One is the White Knight with the chivalric code of honor; the other is the a pirate, a sort of Dark Knight, with his own code of honor that may not include rescuing damsels in distress but does have its own merits. In a lot of ways, Hook and Charming are each others mirror. Hook's plan is duplicitous at best: up a very tall mountain the sextant Liam used to get to Neverland is buried. They may be able to use the sextant to decode the coconut star map to figure a way out of Neverland. Sounds like a plan?

The two set off into the heart of darkness and it isn't long before Hook runs into Peter Pan. This was maybe my favorite scene of the episode. Peter has the upper hand, he knows why Hook is really doing this: Emma. It isn't so much that Hook cares about Charming as he does the affect of Charming's death will have on Emma, especially if it is found out that Hook knew all along. I'm going to take a side note here. For the first four episodes, Hook has been an honest to heaven gentleman when it comes to Emma. He held a small service for Nealfire in the bowls of the Jolly Roger; he praised Neal's pirate and survival abilities; he has been incredibly respectful about the fact that Emma just lost the man she loved AND more to the point, Hook is also grieving for Neal, the latter having been like a son to him. And then in this episode, despite it being only a day or two since that loss, he's hitting on Emma and eying her like some sort of letch. This entire episode felt off kilter because half our characters were doing things they wouldn't do. Why the sudden warp drive like pursuing of Emma? Was it just to justify the kiss? Way too strong, Hook. Way too strong.

Back to Pan and Hook. Pan alludes to all the business done in the past between the two. Pan reminds Hook of all the "dirty work" Hook did for him. What dirty work? What was Hook doing for Pan for those 300 years he was in Neverland? Was he leaving Neverland for brief amounts of time and bringing back boys to the island? Pan offers Hook a deal: kill Charming to prove your loyalty and I'll let you and Emma leave the island, she left her son once before she can do it again and you can help pick up the pieces. Sadly, we'll never know if Hook would have taken the deal because Charming overheard. Hook and Charming fight (for the second time this episode) and after Charming is lying on the cold hard ground, Hook offers him the waters of Neverland. It will cure Charming but it will force him to stay in Neverland forever. Charming say it's worth it and gulp, down goes the water. The two head back for the camp, new buddies. Speaking of the Jolly Roger Camp, in the intervening time Regina, Emma and Snow have come up with a plan. Y'know...for Henry.


I Sure Hope Neverland Has Insurance

Dear Henry, just because you can turn things into weapons, doesn't mean you should. Just an idea. Some people are wondering why Henry is so taken with the lost boys in such a short amount of time, but I think we need to look at Henry's life up until this point. He was friendless, in a time frozen bubble with an uber controlling mother, who was also an evil sorceress. This is the first time he has been among people who respect him as more than just the "kid." He is special to them. It does worry me that Henry became violent so quickly, but I was mollified by how guilty he felt the next time we saw him. Emma recognizes that Henry might start loosing hope and so they come up with a plan: kidnap a lost boy, bribe him with candy to take a message to Henry. What they don't count on is how loyal the lost boys are to Peter Pan. They don't want to leave or go home; they like Neverland and they like Peter. So what are two desperate mothers to do? Why take a heart of course.

Emma allowing Regina to take Devin's heart was both disturbing and justified. Poor Snow looked so traumatized that her daughter had allowed this to happen but there are lines Snow won't cross, even for family. The last time she did, she ended up with a black spot on her own pristine heart. But Emma and Regina aren't like Snow; they will go as many miles as are required to get Henry back. "I think we need to talk to our son," Emma tells Regina and with that the two of them find common ground in the midst of so much hostility.

Operation-Cobra-Rescue is now in full swing with a helpful little minion to play with but did Henry actually believe that his family is coming for him? He thought it was a trick and instead of pocketing the mirror for safe keeping, he dropped it and it shattered. Might he not want the family to come for him after all? What does he have to go back to? A family that constantly fights and uses magic against each other? A life where he must go to school and is told that his chance to be a hero will come someday, but not now? The appeal of Neverland is that you never have grown ups telling you what to do, you get to be the hero in your own little adventure story and I think that appeals to Henry. Alright, let's talk the smoochies.

My dislike of this episode is not actually ship related, as I hope I've been showing. It was a messy episode where they seem to throw things at a wall and see what stuck. Was I happy about this kiss? No not really. Did I know it was coming? Duh. Everyone and their brother did! They spoiled the heck out of this scene: pictures, gifs, sneak peeks. This is what the marketing department loves: a smoulder. I don't know what it means for "endgame" but the triangle is in full bloom. Is it a one time thing like Emma said? I doubt it. But I think it all depends on what happens next. There is some question of agency when it comes to this kiss: would Emma have done it under normal circumstances if Hook hadn't been making the suggestion and planting it in her head AND if Emma hadn't just been regaled with a tale of how Hook saved her father. I do think Hook was coercing her with suggestion but she did act on it. It's hard to tell what would have happened if Hook had just accepted Emma's thanks instead of asking if "her father's life wasn't worth more to her?" But it's over and done with and now we can move on. Oh wait, what's that? Pan showed up afterwards and told Hook that Nealfire is alive and in Neverland? Well that complicates things, doesn't it? What will Hook do: take the selfish path and keep it to himself or do the honorable thing and tell Emma? Or will it be both? My guess is that he will struggle deeply with this news but then decide to tell her only to find out that it's too late: Emma has already found out.

Miscellaneous Notes on Good Form

--Once again Regina has some of the best lines:
"I don't do rum"
"What I wouldn't give for another sleeping curse."

--Who is in the box? My top guesses are: Rumple and Pan's father, Real Belle, and Wendy Darling.

--One of the regulars over at my forum also thought this episode felt off and said that it felt, in large part, "fan service-y." Quite a few fan bases were appealed to last night: EvilRegals, Hookers, SwanQueen shippers, the CaptainSwan shippers, and the bromance of CaptainCharming. Everyone felt like they were just a hair to the left of where there characters normally are.

--No Rumple, no Neal, and no Belle. Yeah, I was just gonna love this episode wasn't I?

--Next week: ARIEL. OMG. ARIEL. My blog of next weeks show will be nothing but inner 3yr old spazzing with joy.

 

In Which I Review Dracula (1x1)

Legend, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is "a story from the past believed by many people but cannot be proved true." 

Vlad the Impaler was a real life guy. We know his birth and death year; he know about his father and other family members. We know about Vlad's rule as Prince of Wallachia. We have actual physical historical documentation and records of Vlad's lfie. He is a historical person and is not a legend. Vlad, of course, is most famous (outside of the impalings which were numerous) for being Bram Stoker's inspiration for his famous vampire, but Vlad and Dracula are not one and the same. Dracula is not a legend, either. He's a fictional character that takes his name from the patronymic of a historical figure. Why am I harping on this? Because NBC for the past few months, in an attempt to ramp up interest in their new TV show, came up with the tagline "a legend is reborn," the entirety of which is so grossly inaccurate, that I had to start off this blog with some historical facts (the reborn part we'll get to in the actual review because this is not Dracula reborn. At all). 

Vlad III (1431-1476) was called Dracul because it was the name his father, Vlad II, used. It means son of the dragon. Language is not a static thing but morphs and reshapes itself over time so that now "dracul" can mean devilsh but you have to keep the original context in mind when discussing Vlad III. He called himself Dracul because it was what his father used. It is actually that simple. The Order of the Dragon, which the NBC show is using with considerable liberties, also existed and was founded in order to protect Christianity from the Muslims. This is really the driving point for why Vlad is remembered as some sort of bloodthirsty monster. You must understand that he was living at a time of incredible upheaval. In 1453, right around the time Vlad was coming into manhood and first ascended the throne (his rule is broken up into different years but that's incredibly complicated on its own) the Muslims took the city of Constantinople and renamed it Istanbul. There is virtually no way for me to stress the importance of this event in the Western and Christian Eastern World except with this bit of satire. This is the reaction of the Christians when the Muslims took one of the most holy cities in Christendom:
"OMG THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD PREPARE FOR THE APOCALYPSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AND EVERYTHING IS RUINED AND OMG GRAB YOUR SWORD OR BLUNT OBJECT AND PROJECT CHRISTENDOM AT ALL COSTS AND OMG."
You must understand that the idea of the Muslims sitting literally across a tiny body of water eying the west freaked the Christians out to an absurb extent. The Ottoman Muslims continued to snatch up bits and pieces of land here and there, and Vlad's only reaction was to protect his people and his land. In Romania, Vlad is actually considered a hero! Yes, there are some pretty horrific stories about his sadistic killings and his fondness for impaling, which I will neither justify nor sweep under the rug. Best guesses put his body count at about 80,000-100,000. Cruel, yes. But historically understandable given the constant battling between the eastern Christians the Muslims who (again) were siting across an very small body of water with an almost unstoppable army. That's really all you need to know about Vlad. How about Dracula? Since this is a TV blog, I'm going to break down the characters both by who they are on screen and who they are in the Stoker book. 

Alexander Grayson/ Dracula 

The fact that our leading character has an alias and isn't going by Dracula at all needs to be your first big clue that there is something amiss.

Literary Version: Transylvanian nobleman and centuries old vampire with a host of supernatural powers such as superhuman strength, levitation, shape-shifting and of course hypnotic and telepathic abilities.

Television Version: Romanian vampire brought back after existing somewhere between life and death in a coffin for some untold amount of time. He is now playing as an American business man and entrepreneur interested in safe and free electricity and power.  (At this point we should shake in our boots with fear?) Alexander/Dracula has a secret plan to bring down the Order of the Dragon by taking business from them and robbing them of their riches. Thus far, shows no extraordinary abilities except brooding stare.

Mina Murray

Literary Version: A school teacher and fiancee and later wife of Johnathan Harker. She is often depicted as being held in thrall to Dracula and is slowly turning into a vampire, the Count both feeding off of her and feeding her which causes her to move in and out of consciousnesses. At the end of the novel she and Harker have a baby and presumably live happily ever after.

Television Version: A medical student under Dr. Van Helsing who is engaged to Johnathan Harker but shares a mysterious connection to Alexander Grayson. While not definitive yet, she is most likely Dracula's wife reborn.

Johnathan Harker

Literary Version: An English solicitor who is sent to assist Dracula in Translyvania. He soon becomes a prisoner of the Count and discovers that Dracula is a vampire. He also has an unfortunate run in with the Brides of Dracula. Over the course of the novel, he tries to kill Dracula several times until the climax at the end where Harker manages to slit the Count's throat.

Television Version: A newspaper reporter who is desperate for his "big break" in order to finally fit into aristocratic society. He hopes that his interview with Alexander Grayson concerning his magic electric power (for lightbulbs....) will be his big break.

Lady Jane

Literary Version:  Non-existant

Television version: Uber-wealthy wife of member of the Order of the Dragon. She is drawn to Dracula after meeting him and engages in a little risque behavior at an opera. Also...ninja who apparently is keeping a vampire in a cage in an effort to get information. Is deadly accurate with knives and swords. She is also really historically inaccurate. The plunging neckline of her dresses would cause so much scandal in Victorian England that old ladies would faint dead away. I'm all for strong female characters but at least keep them in whatever was appropriate for the times.

Lucy Westrena 

 Literary Version: Mina's best friend and Dracula's first victim. She is slowly drained by the Count until she "dies" and is reborn. She is a sweet and caring girl who becomes sexually vivacious. She is eventually destoryed.

Television Version: The walking sex pot. She flirts and is coy and wears totally non-Victorian clothing.

R.M. Renfield

Literary Version: A lawyer who eventually goes stark raving mad and eats all manner of insects after being tormented by the Count into worshiping him.

Television Version: I need to talk about race in TV for a moment. It is becoming more and more apparent that TV is suffering from an abundance of white people. In a show like this, where they are selling a brand name but giving you none of the brand (as you should already be able to tell) the casting department and writers could have really tried to mix it up and be unique. What if Mina was a person of color? What if Mina and Harker were an interracial couple? But no. They went with the horribly cliche type: the only person of color (by which we mean "not white") is the servant. I'm not even going to bother making any other comment than that. In the TV version, Renfield is perfectly sane and more than that, he's Dracula's confidant. He knows all about Dracula's plan to take down the Order of the Dragon.

There are some other characters here and there such as Abraham Van Helsing who in this TV version is a medical doctor and thus far not a vampire hunter, but in some bizarre twist is actually working with Dracula to take down the Order because his family was killed by the Order. Van Helsing is the man at the beginning of the episode who woke Dracula up. Also, some of the members of the Order who I couldn't keep straight so in my notes they were labeled "rich white guy #1" "rich white guy #2" and "rich white guy #3 who became Dracula's meal."


Plot
Are we just now getting to the plot?  This is where the wheels really fall off the wagon--though they've been rocking quite a bit since we started. Here's the biggest problem with the show: it's not Dracula. At all. I mentioned the tag line at the top of this now incredibly long blog post as being wholly problematic. The "reborn" issues is now at hand. What the writers of this show have done is taken "Dracula" as a brand, divested it of anything resembling Stoker's Dracula and then given it back to the audience, lying that it is Dracula. There is nothing Dracula about this show! Dracula, as both fictional character and work, is so prolific because he is so terrifying. There is something creepy yet enticing about him. He could seduce and cajole you into giving up your life blood willingly. He could create vast armies of vampires and minions. This Dracula (Alexander Grayson as I suppose we must call him) is nothing of the sort. He is not scary, he is not magnetic (sorry Johnathan Rhys Meyers but you're no longer Henry the 8th). He's a business man who doesn't think in terms of bloodlust but in terms of stock and bonds. Grayson's whole engineered plan is to hurt the wallets of the Order. He wants to subvert their plans with his new fangled technology which allows light bulbs to be lit up without needing to be attached to any sort of lamp, which I'm fairly certain we can't even do today in the 21st century! Our Dracula, apart from being sexual, has none of those mystical powers that make Dracula, Dracula. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not asking for Legossi. I'm not expecting him to wear a cape and speak about beautiful music made from the children of the night. But could he at least do something that makes me afraid? And then to top it off, Mina--instead of being held in thrall to the vampire--is actually his dead wife (killed by the Order of course). I found Alexander Grayson annoying. Meyers is always easy on the eyes and that may be a large part of what NBC is banking on, but his acting is limited to brooding sexily and being petulant. And then there is the American accent he is adopting. Why? Why make this guy American? The British Order of the Dragon has no interest in cooperating with an American, which he knew would happen. But if you really wanted to get on the inside of the Order to take them down, why make it even harder by putting on this act of being American? Especially when Meyers American accent is so horrendously distracting I was giggling into a pillow while trying to take notes. And then the blonde lady at the Opera who got *ahem* a standing ovation from Dracula turned out to be a ninja and I knew Stoker was weeping.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Blood is the Life

--I do enjoy the rather steampunk-esque feel to the whole show but honestly it's not enough to save it.

--Dracula is trying to sell coolant. I just have no words for how unhorrifying that is.

--Given the very brief flashback we saw of Dracula watching his wife burn at the stake, I'm going to assume that they are trying to connect him to Vlad the Impaler. He certainly had the hair.

--Best moment was the rooftop fight which was at least visually interesting. The blood work is also outstanding. 

Overall Verdict: It might be so bad that it's good. But more likely, it's just really bad. Watch the first episode and decide for yourself, but I'm only going to give it one more go before I write it off as simply idiotic.

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time in Wonderland (1x3)

We all have things in our past we'd like to forget. Moments gone by, people no longer with us, events that shaped our destiny as a whole and fundamentally changed who we are as individuals. According to the Knave of Hearts in this weeks episode of Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, "Forget Me Not," the best thing to do is move on, forget the past, forget the people you once loved. But is this really sound advice? And is it ever really possible to move on from the events or people who constitute our individuality? In the original ONCE episode "7:15 AM" Snow contemplates drinking a potion that will help her forget that she ever loved Prince Charming. Grumpy, the dwarf, tells her "I don't want my pain erased! As wretched as it is, I need my pain. It makes me who I am." Which begs the question, how do we live with our pain when it is suddenly staring at us in the face? (through an enchanted rope knot of course). 

Honor Among Thieves 

So it turns out the Knave of Heart is Will Scarlett. Who exactly is Will Scarlett? According to legend he is one of the more traditional Merry Men in Sherwood Forest; in some instances he is Robin's nephew. He is often the youngest of the Merry Men, hot tempered and most often seen in red silks. In most of the stories he is also the best swordsman, Robin being the best archer and Little John being adept at the staff. Our Will Scarlett is both alike and not at all alike to the literary version.

Our Will Scarlett is lately of the Merry Men--the opening bit of thievery being his test and initiation. Will is a bit of go-getter and suggests to Robin that they take on Maleficent's castle on the Forbidden Mountain. There they will find a huge chest full of gold that could save villages for years to come. It's too tempting for Robin to resist, naturally, and with Mal herself being out of the castle, why not? But this is where Will and Robin differ. This episode really focused on how Will can be like Robin but how he was blinded in the past by a love of something other than honor. While Robin believes that thievery is honorable, so long as its not for personal gain, Will is willing to risk Robin's ire if it means a better life.

Enter Anastasia. We learned last week that Will had a lady love who (most likely) broke his heart. I proposed at the time that this Anastasia was really the Red Queen. Anastasia and Will, from what we could tell, were deeply in love but poor and struggling with everyday life. They wanted magic and enchantment--so much so that when breaking into Mal's castle, Will steals a small looking glass. This looking glass, like so many do, creates a portal to another world, specifically Wonderland. I'm sure the reveal that the Red Queen was Anastasia was supposed to be shocking and gasp worthy, but the entire episode was laced with clues. When Will was in bed with Anastasia, you saw the blond up-do and heard the unmistakable voice of the Red Queen. When the Red Queen and Jafar learned that Alice was traveling with someone named the Knave of Hearts the camera deliberately panned to the Red Queen who had a somewhat visible reaction to the name. With him being Will SCARLETT and her being the RED Queen, it wasn't hard to put the pieces together.

What does this mean for the Red Queen's overall arc? Names in the ONCEiverse are important. They often give insight to the character and their narrative. The name Anastasia means "resurrection." I don't think it's a coincidence. I have the feeling that at some point the Red Queen will be faced with a choice--kill the Knave to carry out her plan or save the man she once loved. This show being what it is, she'll choose the latter and that will set the Red Queen on a path of redemption to being Anastasia again.

Knot Again

Puns! Puns everywhere! When the title was revealed for this episode, I originally thought it might have something to do with the flower which has its own symbolic history. Or maybe even a potion that Alice considers taking to forget Cyrus, a la Snow White. But no. This is Wonderland with Clothe Horses and Dragon Flies and Dandy Lions. Of course it's an actual knot. Tricky writers.

The main problem Alice and the Knave currently face is that Cyrus's bottle is missing, stolen from the earth. There are no clues as to who stole it (apart from the perfectly circular hole in the ground that looks like it was dug by a professional) but the Knave has a clever idea. The Forget Me Knot is a piece of magical rope that when tied together to make a type of lasso can show you the last event of any place when you hold the knot over that location. As Alice says, "where can I get this very clever item?" Clever though it may be, it is not exactly in a convienent place.

Welcome to the Underland, a seedy slightly BDSM night club run by Jabba the Hutt. Er...the Caterpillar. It's run by the Caterpillar. (No seriously, the Star Wars references in this episode were far from subtle). The Caterpillar has a claim on the Knave's head as Will is highly indebted to the JabbaPillar but sadly the JabbaPillar no longer has the Knot in his possession.  But lucky for them, the JabbaPillar likes to make deals: JabbaPillarStiltskin! The Knot is currently under the "care" of the Grendel (more on him in a second) and if the Knave can get the Knot, bring it back to the JabbaPillarStiltskin, then the debt is clear.

Here is one of the big problems this show is having thus far. It's trying to be too much. Last night we had Maleficent, the Grendel, the Bandersnatch, and the Jabbapiller. The beauty of Once Upon a Time was that in the beginning the show opened with "every storybook character you've ever loved" who all live together in an enchanted forest. This is why we don't blink when Snow's castle is next to Cinderella's both of whom have made deals with Rumplestiltskin who is the true love of Belle. These stories have no specific location and therefore can be lumped in one place. One of the complaints I see is when the show take characters who are tied to a specific land and move them to the Enchanted Forest for plot sake. So, people complained that Hook should never have been Fairy Tale Land because of his ties with Neverland. To some extent I agree and disagree, but Wonderland is really taking the cake on this. Jafar is acceptable because they established that he's not FROM Wonderland, but Agrabah and is simply in Wonderland to meet his end goal. However I have issues with the Grendel being in Wonderland. How did he, a mythic monster (and very very old) from England get to Wonderland? If he was just a guy who was disfigured by the Red Queen, fine. But why go and call him the Grendel thereby invoking his mythology--especially when the Grendel you are presenting to me is nothing like the story one? Now I wonder if Beowulf is running around Wonderland as well.

The Grendel is a parallel to the Knave, because this show adores their parallels. The Grendel has lost the woman he loves, his wife, and then was magically transformed into the misshapen creature we see now. Like Will who became the Knave, the kind husband became the Grendel who uses the Forget Me Knot to watch his final day with his wife over supper.

And then a Bandersnatch shows up to kill Alice. There is a lot of heroics and fighting and in the end, the Bandersnatch is killed and the Grendel gives Alice and the Knave the Knot. Of course later the Grendel sells them out to Jafar and the Red Queen before Jafar kills him with his serpent staff, but hey. They got the knot? Honestly the whole Bandersnatch part felt heavy handed. They could have saved it for later.

And Will gets to prove that he's an honorable man. After using the Knot to see that the poor Rabbit is working for the Red Queen, the Knave burns the rope instead of giving it to the JabbaPillar because if he gave it to the Jabbapillar it would be in his own self-interest. But if he doesn't, then the whole adventure was for Alice and he has proved himself a worthy and honorable man. But now all parties have been made aware of each other: The Red Queen and Jafar know the Knave is working with Alice; Alice and the Knave know the Red Queen and the Rabbit are working with Jafar.

Miscellaneous Notes from Forget Me Not

--The Knave is really the breakout star of the show. He gets the best lines.
""Don't pleasure me!"
"I wouldn't dream of it."
And Alice and the Knave continue to have a chemistry that is currently lacking with Cyrus and Alice. They need to fix this if they don't want people to suddenly ship Knave and Alice (which of course is already happening)

--I passed over the whole Bandersnatch episode but I do like that Cyrus knew just want to send Alice that she could easily defeat without needing to use a wish--I just wish this would have happened later so we could have avoided the whole Bandersnatch vs Grendel deathmatch. But I do wonder if soon Alice will be forced to use a wish.

--They need to stop using the CGI screen of doom. It's very distracting and is so bad and cheap looking that it takes me out of the moment every time.

--Things are progressing quite rapidly but I suspect that is because Once Wonderland is only 13 episodes.

--Doctor Who references along with the Star Wars ones. Underland is bigger on the inside and the Caterpillar was wearing a fez. My two fandoms have collided.

--No Once Wonderland next week but when it returns, I suspect wars break out between the factions. Jafar will accuse the Red Queen of caring too much about Will; Alice will confront the Rabbit; and the Knave will have to face his ex.