In Which I Review Under the Dome (2x7)

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Best delivered line of the night, in my opinion. Rivals Darth Vadar. I have no idea what is going on with this show anymore; in fact, I'm willing to bet that I never knew what was going on with this show. Time travel. Portals between cities. Cave of mystery. Supposedly dead relatives not being dead anymore. People going crazy. Just another week in Chester's Mill, I suppose. In this week's episode "Going Home," we finally learn what's at the bottom of the Cave of Death. Hint: it is not death. I think I said a few posts ago that if the Cave of Death had a way out of the Dome I was going to freak. Well, the Cave of Death does have a way out of the Dome but I'm not freaking. Why? Because of course it does. I shouldn't be surprised. They've been hinting all season that there is another town somewhere where all our questions will receive "answers." Answers is in quotation marks because I honestly wonder if the writers and producers know what an answer is. 

After Sam's magical trip down the Cave last week, Barbie is finding it hard to sleep. Sam told Barbie a lot of disturbing things, like that he killed Angie and that the other children need to die if they want to leave the Dome. When Barbie and Julia fill in Joey, Norrie, Junior and Melanie about Sam's extracurricular activities, Junior refuses to believe it. So naturally, Barbie thinks he should venture down into the Cave of Death, fetch Sam's body, and use it as evidence for Junior that Sam killed Angie. And because this is the plan, miraculously, climbing equipment appears. You live in Maine. Does Maine have mountains to climb? Did someone lend you this climbing equipment? Did you steal it from your local sports store? Anyway, Barbie makes a slow descent into the Cave of Death while Julia and Science Teacher Pine look on. Rebecca was there for moral support? Apparently we're all friends now. One heart to heart with Julia last week and everything is a-ok; this more or less annoys the living daylights out of me because Science Teacher Pine officially has no reason to be on this show if she's not part of Big Jim's antagonistic posse, which now only consists of him. Rebecca is there to spout some science-y things when science-y things need to be spouted. The Cave of Death is pretty unremarkable, though it goes on forever. Without warning, though, something begins to pull at Barbie and drag him down faster and further. The compass Rebecca conveniently has on hand begins to spin wildly in all directions (oh no!). Julia and Rebecca try to haul Barbie back up to the top but the pull of whatever is down below is too strong. Barbie, deciding to be a hero, tells Julia to cut the rope and let him fall. Julia refuses because she's deeply in love with this man she met three weeks ago and who killed her husband and lied to her for a better part of these three weeks. When Barbie realizes that Julia won't let go, he cuts the rope and falls to his death. RIP Barbie.

Julia thinks they need to keep Barbie's death a secret from Big Jim and the rest of the town for awhile. Meanwhile, Joey finally says the thing that every viewer worth their salt has been wondering, "where did these tunnels come from?" The school was not built on tunnels (thank god), and the basement of the school has always just been a basement. Why did no one think of this earlier? Did anyone, besides Joey, stop to think, "this was a really dumb place to build a school." When Joey tells Julia this, a light bulb goes off over her head (not literally, but this show is so cartoon-y at this point, I wouldn't have been shocked to see a literal light bulb float above her red head). If the tunnels were never there to begin with, then the Dome created them and maybe somehow Barbie survived his plunge into darkness and nothingness. Joey produces a flying robot plane thing. Where did this come from?! Was this another science project? Is there anything that this town doesn't have? The flying robot plane thing travels down into the Cave of Death but the signal goes wonky and eventually crashes. I'm sure that's a good sign. Melanie has brought along the egg because she is actually Gollum. I'm not kidding. Watch the episode again and see how obsessed she is with this thing. When danger comes a-knocking, Melanie grabs the egg and runs. She carries it in her bag. It's only a matter of time, folks, before she starts calling it her precious. I have no idea why she brought it to the Cave of Death (except for plot reasons) but once inside the Cave of Death, it lights up and sputters out pink stars. Freaking pink stars again! This time the pink stars make the image of a town, complete with the obelisk from Zenith. Ah, this town again. I think it's probably important.

So what happened to Barbie when he fell? He went to Zenith, Ohio of course. I wish I was kidding. He suddenly wakes up, on the ground of some children's playground. And no one noticed. I mean...really? How does no one notice that a man either fell from the sky or magically appeared out of thin air? It's a thing you would notice, people! Maybe Zenith is fake. It's an imagined town and all of this is a dream. Oh, what's that? Sam is there too? Is he having the same dream as Barbie? Most likely not. So, they really did transport themselves to another town entirely. Barbie and Sam do not meet up but instead decide to pay a visit to old family members. Let's start with Sam. He goes to a psych ward where Pauline is. How did he know she was there? Sam has an address on a piece of paper, but where did he get that from? Pauline is on a locked ward, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense because she's clearly in full possession of her faculties. She just happens to think that an invisible magical Dome would follow her if she left Chester's Mill. But you know, other than that, totally normal. Lyle is also in the psych ward, but he's lost his mind and all he does is sit and say "Melanie" over and over. How...strange. Why? No one else went crazy when they went through the vortex (or whatever the hell is actually down at the bottom of the Cave of Death). So what's Barbie doing? Visiting dear old Dad, of course. Never mind how Barbie got to Papa-Q (I'm going to call him that until I learn otherwise), it's not important and frankly dull. Papa-Q and Barbie don't get along. They haven't spoken in two and a half years but now Barbie has been magically transported out of the Dome and he needs to find a way back in or to get a message inside. Thankfully Papa-Q has magically convenient connections that will facilitate this! Of course he does. What if Papa-Q had just been a teacher or a lawyer or something more mundane? Barbie would have been doomed to a life without Julia. Oh. The horror! Whatever. Papa-Q agrees to help out because he can see that Barbie has changed and if there is a woman involved then Hot Damn!

Miscellaneous Notes on Going Home

--Melanie and Junior wake up in each others arms. No. Just...no

--"There's something so much darker in him." Gee, you think?

--Max No-Last-Name shout out!

--What is the red door in the ground? Why is there a red door in the ground? Does it take people back to the Dome?

--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (because reasons)

In Which I Review Outlander (1x1)

People disappear all the time....

I've been keeping my eye on this series for awhile now. Goodreads often recommends the books to me, though at present I haven't read any of it. The reviews always seem contradictory; either the readers rave about how gorgeous the work is or it gets labeled as self-indulgent soft core porn. Not that there is anything wrong with soft core porn, mind you. So I went into the first episode, "Sassencah," a little hesitant about how interesting the show could be. I knew the basic premise: 20th century wife gets transported back in time to Highland Scotland, meets another man, falls in love, and apparently there's a lot of sex. Take out that last bit, and it could be an episode of Doctor Who. I will say this: I was pleasantly surprised by the pilot. It was exactly what I expected--exposition and set up--but it was enjoyable. I didn't feel weighted down trying to follow plot lines or the history of the main characters. And can we talk about the gorgeousness of the Scottish Highlands? Stunning. The views of Scotland alone might be worth the viewing, if the story does little to peak your interest. The first episode might feel a little sleepy since more than half of it is devoted to setting up the present day story, instead of moving you into the more important past time period after a bit of time travel. But the on screen chemistry of Jamie and Claire is already palpable, to the point where I'll be tuning in again next week. Overall, I'm going to recommend the first episode, though with the caveat that, as I understand the basic storyline, this is a somewhat cheesy romantic time travel adventure. There will be angst and drama. And apparently quite a bit of sex. Explains why it's on Starz at least. 

Quick, down and dirty plot break down. Claire Randell has spent the past five years as a nurse during World War II. Prior to the war, she and her husband, Frank, were inseparable and deeply in love. Frank's a historian by trade and spent the war sending men to their death on covert operations. The war has, naturally, changed both of them, and the strain of their time apart is apparent in the opening few moments where a car ride to the Scottish village feels heavy instead of light and happy. At Frank's suggestion, he and Claire travel to Scotland for a second honeymoon, an attempt to reconnect and rebond. The town Frank has chosen for this honeymoon is a tiny little Scottish village that still practices a few of the old Druid ways, even if most of the residents are devout Catholic. When Frank and Claire arrive, the harvest festival has come around and several doors are lined with blood and it's a time when spirits and ghosts and ghouls come out and play. Halloween, folks. It was a thing long before you dressed up as a sexy kitten and got wasted at a frat party. It's a fairly common polytheistic ritual (side note but no historian worth their weight is going to use the term pagan, though I know Frank in his 1940s mindset doesn't realize why this term is wrong); in order to thank the gods/spirits for a bountiful harvest, you offer up various offerings (sacrifices) and celebrate the end of a season. We don't get to see much of the festival or celebration itself; Frank is far more interested in his own genealogy. In particular, he is looking into his ancestor "Black Jack," a British Captain who plagued the Scottish clans back in the 17th century. The Randall couple explores castles and the landscape and the honeymoon seems to be doing its job--there are 3 sex scenes in the first half an hour, so we've got that going for us.

Side note but seriously, look how gorgeous this picture is! Anyway, curiosity gets the better of Frank and Clarie and they sneak up to an ancient set of stones (think Stonehenge) and watch an ancient Druid ritual that brings the sunrise. This was my favorite part of the episode. I keep using the word gorgeous, but honestly it's the best way to describe it. The music was stunning, the way the dancers moved, the slow rise of the sun over the valley, that feeling of something otherworldly that came across on screen and was reflected in Claire's eyes...it was all spectacular. The mystic nature of the episode is not only highlighted by this Druid ritual, but in Claire's tea leaves and palm reading. Her leaves are contradictory and her palm reading doesn't fare much better--how can she have two marriages but that aren't divided? I'm sure there is a ton of foreshadowing in this passage but I don't need to worry about it now. While Frank is off doing more research into his ancestor "Black Jack," Claire decides to pay another visit to the stones to look at flowers. There is a very loud windy noise that seems to beckon Claire to one stone in particular, and when she reaches out to touch it, the world goes black. Just pretend the stone is the TARDIS.

When Claire wakes, she's in the same place but something seems off. She can't find her car or the road. Oh. And there are real life Redcoats firing real bullets at her. She manages to run to a stream and finds a man who looks startling familiar. This man looks exactly like Frank, except it becomes quite clear that it is not Frank, but rather his ancestor Black Jack. And Black Jack is not a gentleman. Claire is saved from Jack by a Scotsman who takes her to tiny hut where the other Scotsman try to determine if Claire is a whore or not. Brief aside, but it will take your ear a moment or two to get used to the brogue. Or maybe it was just me, but it is rather thick at first. One of the clansman has a dislocated shoulder and Claire steps in to fix it for him. Yes, this is Jamie. He of the incredibly chiseled face. Seriously, was this man carved from stone? Claire and Jamie are a bit snippy with each other (naturally) but Claire saves the clansman from an ambush and decides not to run away--because honestly, where is she going to go? She can't exactly find a telephone and call her husband now can she? Claire continues to prove her worth to the clansmen and they take her to Castle Leoch and as Claire says, "her adventure had just begun."

 Overall the episode is well done. It's hard to judge a pilot like this because chances are you know the basic story going in. It was sold as a time travel romance story, so you expect that to be set up in the beginning. There are some underlying mysteries that must play out: who was the "ghost" Frank saw in the village? How will Claire and Jamie come together? Can Claire get back to her own time? When Claire's voice over says that she would still make the same choices, what choices are those? Why do I feel like there is something much more sinister to Black Jack than meets the eye? The actors do a perfectly fine job; Claire is particularly enjoyable--smart, witty, independent, and I love that she tells Jamie and the other Scotsman off when they think that her language is less than lady like. I feel really sorry for Frank, if I'm going to be honest. I get the feeling this romance story is really about Jamie and Claire and poor Frank is going to get the short end of the stick. However, Black Jack I can go ahead and hate. Oooh. Contradictions! In short: check it out and enjoy.

Miscellaneous Notes on Sassenach

--Sassenach means "Outlander" in Gaelic.

--I hope they go into Druid myth and ritual more. It's not something I know a lot about (my religion degree does not really extend up to England or Scotland but I've always been curious about it).

--Seriously, the Druid ritual at the stones are breathtaking.

--So much pretty landscape! Have I mentioned that yet?

--Jamie, at the moment, is a wee bit colorless but he was only on screen for about 20 mins so I'll hold tight. Apparently I'll love him by the end.
 

In Which I Review Extant (1x5)

Watching this week's episode, "What on Earth is Wrong?" with my good friend Ranisha when the following happened: "wait. She has no legs. NO LEGS! NO LEGS! NO LEEEEEEGS!" It's not quite the 11th hour for the show, but nonetheless, unexpected character history was unexpected. It's the second week in a row they've done this: shed some light on a heretofore unmentioned character trait. Last week, Sam got a crazy brother. This week, Julia apparently has no legs and has been fooling us all. Outside of legless Julia, this week's episode presented the idea that maybe Molly is simply crazy and there never was any pregnancy. This whole episode has a dream like quality to it, to the point where sometimes you--the audience--began to wonder whether or not it was all false to begin with and the past four episodes have been some sort of psychotic break. Don't worry, though. You're not going crazy. It's not a dream, there is a baby. It's a boy!

Molly, aboard the good ship SS Medical Experiment, is having all sort of weird dreams. She dreams of being back home, being very pregnant, only with Marcu's baby, and of floating gravity defying orange juice. And apparently the two astronauts feel the need to write "Earth is Awesome" on their fridge in colored magnets. All of this screams dream world. As of this moment in the episode, we're not sure what the medical team is doing to Molly, but based on the laser involved, I think it's safe to say that they are removing the baby. John, meanwhile, finds Molly and Ethan passed out in the woods and calls for the squad. Molly is whisked away to the nearest hospital, John informing the team that she is pregnant, while he tries in vain to wake Ethan up. The batteries in the robot-boy are fully drained and Ethan calls in Julia to help. Now, I don't object to legless Julia except that it came completely out of left field. Julia's is nothing more than a tertiary character; her purpose was as John's employee who happens to be in love with him and has a strong bond with Ethan. There's nothing you really need to add to that. Suddenly making her part robot via limb feels forced and contrived, a way of strengthening her bond with Ethan. "We're both robots, kid!" It also turns out that Julia never wanted John and Molly to adopt Ethan. She thinks the robot-boy should have gone to a home like originally planned but that John acted selfishly. Ah, love. It's fickle, is it not?

 Ethan is taken to the lab to be rebooted, if such a thing can even happen to him without damage, while Molly and John await the news at the hospital. In a bit of a twist, the Doctor comes in and tells Molly that she is going to be okay, and better still, there was no baby. Ever. Molly was never pregnant. Huh? How is that possible? All traces of her pregnancy--fetus, hormones, stretching of uterus--have vanished. John is told by the Doctor that Molly is suffering from some sort of break and reminds John that John himself never saw any evidence of the baby, but only had Molly's word for it. Molly remains convinced that she was carrying an alien baby, while John slowly begins to doubt. Add in the fact that their other child is currently a slab of hardware and circuits, lying half naked on a table being re-uploaded, and you've got a rather tense marriage. Molly and John need to cover all their bases, though, so Molly has the bright idea to go talk to Sam who has been in the know since the beginning. Sadly, we know that Sam isn't going to be much help; she has already sold Molly down the river by agreeing to tell her lies to save her brother. Sam's "what baby" only reinforced what John is coming to believe: his wife is crazy. But clever Molly has one more trick up her sleeve. Remember how she was bitten by a dog last episode? The bloody towel is still at her father's, covered in blood. And blood means DNA. Once the towel is collected, John and Molly analyze it and discover that she was, in fact, pregnant but all evidence was erased by the medical team. It is also learned that the DNA of the baby has Molly's own DNA (naturally) but also a DNA sample never before seen. In other words, John you are not the father! Poor John. Also, the medical team must have been working at lightening fast speed to take out the baby, drain Molly's blood and give her new blood all within one night. A plan is put into place by John and Molly to go about their lives, pretend everything is copacetic and gather intel. This plan always go off without a hitch, by the way.

And this is where it gets weird(er?). Back at work, Molly is analyzing samples from her trip into space (and keeping one eye on the door as men in black keep passing by) when her assistant tries a new algorithm--this is not something I understand or something that they are going to explain because science fiction in science fiction and you just gotta roll with it sometimes. The new algorithm shows a new energy that seems to have washed over the samples at a certain point during Molly's mission. Gee, I wonder what point in time that would be...yeah it was baby-making time. Molly and John watch the video of the day Molly saw Marcus and using the new algorithm, they see the same light wash over Molly. She was impregnated by light! How very odd. Are those the aliens? Are we dealing with non-corporeal alien beings? Do they want bodies? Is that where this is heading? It's all so odd. And of course, we couldn't leave the audience hanging about the fate of the baby. Sparks has him, in some sort of test-tube like box. And yeah, it's a boy. And very human looking. How is that possible? Shouldn't it have some alien features? The ability to glow, for instance.

Miscellaneous Notes from What On Earth is Wrong?

--Ethan spent this entire episode pretty much passed out except for an extremely creepy moment where he sat up and began to talk. It was very "the robots are coming to kill us all!"

--"I know when I'm hallucinating. I've gotten a lot of practice lately."
"Nothing would make me happier right now than to be crazy."

--I almost felt bad for Julia when John told her that they were not partners, but that she is his subordinate.

--Impregnated by light. Just gotta toss that out here one more time. 

In Which I Review Under the Dome (2x6)

Chester's Mill is sitting on the Hellmouth isn't it? This is how the series will end; Buffy Summers comes riding into the Dome (because Willow did some magic) and slays all the Big Bads, gives a speech about living your life and then goes back to Sunnydale. Not that I object to this idea, mind you. It's certainly better than what we're witnessing on screen. At any rate, on this week's episode "In the Dark," things happen! I don't mean that positively. I mean many inexplicable things happen for everyone because apparently you must have as many crises per episode as possible. Cavernous cave of doom? Check. Apocalyptic wind storm? Check. Teenagers left unsupervised who try to take matters into their own young and impressionable hands? Check. Pick a crisis, Under the Dome! You do not need all the things. In fact, all the things are becoming laughable. This episode attempted to force connections between people previously defined as enemies or at the very least antagonistic toward each other. But, I must give some credit here, there were quite a number of good lines. And by good lines I mean the characters said things I've been saying on this blog for weeks now. Maybe they're reading this, in which case: kill the Science Teacher, refocus your energy of Dome mythology, and enough love triangle silliness. 

 I get that actor Dean Norris is one of the big selling points for this show, but honestly Big Jim's plot line this week was utter filler. What better way for Big Jim to worm his way back into the hearts of Chester's Mill residents than by saving the day! There is some science mumbo jumbo about red rain and topsoil but I wasn't listening. I do that sometimes (always) when Science Teacher Pine talks. Chester's Mill is suddenly set upon by horrific windstorms that cause a lot of dust. This dust gets into the pores of the Dome and if it's not cleared up, those trapped inside will slowly suffocate because air can't get in through the pores. The Dome need a facial scrub, in other words, but instead of blackheads, everyone will die. The issue (besides the impending suffocation) is that no one wants to listen to Big Jim and his ideas about the windmill (which naturally came from Science Teacher Pine but she's too busy building a bomb...no I'm not kidding). Ever since the secret about the kill-everyone-shake-the-trees virus came out, the people of Chester's Mill haven't wanted to listen to Jim, but have turned to Julia instead. Julia wants to put power back into the citizens hands, an idea that Big Jim finds repellent because without his power, Jim is just a used car sales man again (remember when that was his job?) Big Jim is forced to sit on his hands as the residents of Chester's Mill vote against his windmill plan and choose to ride out the dusty windstorm instead. But don't worry. Fate just needed a little push. I seem to recall this Long Haired Asian Skateboarder from season one. Ben? Was his name Ben? I don't care enough to look it up, obviously. But apparently he has asthma and because he is playing "dumb teenager" of the week, he goes out into the storm without his inhaler and ends up choking only for Big Jim to come to the rescue...and do you see where I'm going with this? The people of Chester's Mill suddenly realize just how dangerous the storm is, and are now ready to follow Big Jim's plan. The people of Chester's Mill are bleating sheep who go wherever they are told. Jim makes short work of the windmill; how did he get this thing built in so short of a time? We know it didn't take long because of the other stuff happening around Chester's Mill that did not progress a significant amount in order for this windmill to be built in such short order. I don't know. It was a miracle, let's go with that. The windmill goes up, there is water involved, mist dispersal, clouds part, people breathe, and I'm wondering what the purpose of this entire crisis was, until you realize that it was to put Big Jim back on top. Everyone wondered where Julia was. Good question.

Meanwhile, at the TARDIS Locker of Doom, Junior and Sam decide to go down into the depths of hell and investigate because Lyle could be hiding down there. The giant cave is part of a basement that no one knew existed (shock) but leads to an intricate cave system that no one knew existed (seriously?!). Sheriff Barbie shows up to help as well. Yes, you read that right: SHERIFF Barbie. They made him a Sheriff. Look, I'm not anti-Barbie; I get that he's our reluctant hero, but does anyone (anyone!?!!) remember that he opened this series by killing a man and was basically working as a hit man? Why would you make him sheriff? Because he's sleeping with the Red-Head? Anyway, there's a cave-in because...of course. How else are you going to get Sam and Barbie alone to have tortured manufactured conversations about sin and darkness? Junior escapes from the TARDIS Locker of Doom but Sam and Barbie are trapped behind rubble. The two decide to investigate the cave and discover A GIANT CAVE OF DEATH. Jesus Lord. What is this?? Why is there is a never ending pit of doom under this school? Who the hell built this school? What's down in the Cave of Death? Is it the Satan-like creature of Doctor Who season 2? I bet it's the Satan monster and the Doctor is going to come and save them all (he can bring Buffy). Since Barbie and Sam are trapped, they take this time to grill each other about their pasts. Sam knew who Melanie was all along but didn't say anything because who would believe him? And because the Dome brings nothing but pain.

So, let me get this straight, Sam. You knew that someday a giant Dome would fall over your hometown and that it would bring pain...and you stayed? Why?? You're a reasonably intelligent guy, why didn't you just get out of town? Because now you appear to be trapped along with everyone else, except, unlike others (except Big Jim) you're on a murder spree. Sam tells Barbie about that night in the woods 25 years ago and explains that Lyle killed Melanie because the "egg was screaming" and Pauline was complaining about the noise. Bitches be trippin'. Do the writers even read what they're writing anymore? Sam also declares that Melanie was the love of his life which I find hilarious as I'm pretty sure it was established that Melanie was only in town a short time before her murder. But hey, teenage love, right? Even though Barbie and Sam have had this heart to heart about darkness and whether or not their murder victims will be waiting on the other side, Barbie notices the scratches on Sam's chest and realizes that Sam killed Angie. Sam doesn't even bother denying it: "it's a sacrifice that I had to make to save everyone." Sam explains that if the 4-Hands die, the Dome will come down. Sam is willing to kill these kids, but in the end, he'll kill himself once the town is saved, or Barbie can kill him, which ever Barbie prefers. Okay, then! Sam is obviously a whack job. Sam tries to force Pauline's journal on Barbie because now this gruesome task is in Barbie's hands. Why? Because Sam is going to jump off the cliff down into the Cave of Death. Why? No idea. Guilt? He is Chief Crazy Pants? Well, there goes Sam, over the cave wall. We hardly knew ye, or hardly cared about ye.

 What are the children doing this week? After Junior gets out of the cave-in, he takes Melanie and the two have some weird bonding. This is creepy. Junior looks like Sam did as a teenager and apparently Melanie really likes that (of course she kissed Joey previously so I don't think the girl has a type. Or manners). Having collected Norrie, the three go in search of Joey who is sulking in Angie's old room. Which...what. Wasn't this house destroyed? In the season opener, didn't the farm house get torn to bits? Are they in a different house? And if yes, how did Norrie, Melanie and Junior find Joey? Does Norrie have a "find Joey" detector? Whatever. The new foursome decide that they need to get the egg, the one Julia dropped into the lake because "the Dome told her to." The foursome head out to the Lake (in the middle of the tragic dust storm?) and get into a boat. This is safe, I'm sure. Using their combined powers of touching (giggle) they summon the egg out of the water. I wish I was making this up. I really do. They take the Precious back to Joey's where Melanie gazes it at it intensely. Seriously, Gollem, get a grip. It's an egg. Wanting to know what happens if all 4-Hands touch the egg at once, they gather round and.....pink stars. The unexplained pink stars are falling. At least they are pretty? A few of the stars gather together and to make a a sign: "Surrender Dorothy." No, I'm just kidding, it makes the Zenith Tower that Junior saw in his dream at the beginning of the season. And of course, the Tower is in Melanie's (and Barbie's) hometown. Naturally. What does it all mean? Oh who knows. Probably that Melanie and Barbie are long lost twins who must have sex to make the Dome fall and Junior has to dance to the sound of Big Jim and Julia fighting while Norrie and Joey listen to Rebecca Pine explain how the universe was created. That's how you make the Dome fall, kids.

Miscellaneous Notes on In the Dark

--Best lines of the night!
"You are normal!" "I died."
"The town barber makes bombs?"
"Is there a brain under that hair?"
"All science is your area!" (THANK YOU)
"The egg knows we're here."

--Rebecca and Julia bonded over their sad tales. I can't even begin to care. Rebecca needs to be the next victim of the Dome cause I can't take her anymore.

--RIP Sam? Bet he's still alive.

--Melanie just flirts with everyone, doesn't she?

--The only thing the Dome has brought is pain. Much like the show.

In Which I Review Extant (1x4)

Ok. Checklist of major science fiction cliches as they relate to the TV show Extant. Aliens? Check. Space travel? Check. Looming threat toward humanity? Check. Government coverup? Check. Weird space objects? Check. Life altering serum that is potentially dangerous? Check. Humans who develop superpower because of alien contact? Check. 
In other words, Extant if full of the cliche and not so much of the new and innovative. It's not unwatchable; on the contrary, I find that I am enjoying this summer blockbuster-esque show, if only for the overtly cheesy factor. And of course, I am far more drawn into the humanics story with Ethan. On this weeks episode, "Shelter," nowhere is safe and we get more of Molly's backstory. And, naturally, because she is a protagonist, it's a sad and sappy one. 

 Still on the run from Sparks, Molly, John, and Ethan take a trip out to see Molly's father, Quinn. From the start we understand that there is an awkwardness in the father-daughter dynamic. Molly seems on edge, and not just because she is on the run from her boss and is potentially carrying an alien baby from her dead ex-boyfriend.  Taking them to his cabin in the woods, we learn that Quinn is a recovering alcoholic and was a neglectful father to Molly as she grew up. He's recovering now but Molly hasn't reached the point where she can forgive and forget. Quinn does have a good relationship with Ethan, though. The young robot calls him grandfather and you can tell that he enjoys spending time with the older man. John and Molly are hoping to hide out at Quinn's for a bit and do their own medical tests on the fetus. This isn't a bad idea, but it's not without fault. First, do you really think that your super powerful government bosses aren't going to find you at your father's? Isn't the first place they would look, your family and close friends residences? I get that Quinn lives away from the mainland but the people who are after you do have helicopters. I suppose I'm required to suspend a bit more than normal that Molly wouldn't have thought of all this; this was an obvious attempt at backstory while ignoring logic, so I'll put on my suspension cap and move right along.

While Molly and John are conducting their science experiments, Quinn and Ethan are having grandfather-grandrobot bonding time. It starts out quite sweet. Quinn treats Ethan like a regular boy, taking him to dinner, teaching him to skip rocks across the ocean. However Quinn is an addict, and when an addict gets a hankering...cue drama. After a pleasant dinner (side note: the robot can eat? How?) Quinn ends up taking Ethan to a dive bar and has the boy show off his extraordinary skills at throwing-hook-at-a-wall. Quinn sits in the corner, taking bets and money, and eventually a shot. There goes sobriety. Ethan, realizing that he's hitting every mark, knows that no one can be perfect, so he deliberately misses the next target, which results in Quinn loosing all his "hard earned money." This is pretty interesting; Ethan is self-aware enough to know that humans (the flesh and blood kind) make mistakes; they do not hit targets 100% of the time. In an order to be more human he misses, hoping to show that he can be like a regular boy. Let's rename him Pinocchio (or Data if you're feeling science fiction-y). What Ethan doesn't understand, and I would argue no 10 year old boy would understand this, is how the addict's mind works. Quinn, drinking in the high of winning and success, is not proud that Ethan missed the shot to prove his own humanity, but is livid that Ethan lost him the money. On the ride home, Quinn openly berates Ethan and we get the sense that this might have been what Molly's own childhood was like. Put a pin here, because we'll return to the car scene in a moment.

Back at headquarters, there is a lot of strangeness. I'm not even sure what's going on, to be frank. There are Russians and some sort of space meteorite with healing properties but is also really dangerous if its fumes are inhaled. The person comes down with a sudden case of bleeding-from-eyes.  Behind all this science-y Russian-speaking plot is our resident secretive businessman, Hidecki. I can't figure out what he wants. He's obviously dying a slow death, but for how long, and what does this have to do with Molly and her alien pregnancy. Plot lines on top of plot lines. This is only a 13-episode series, so they've got a few more episodes before I start getting mad at the nebulous web and its unresolved issues. Sparks, using medical Doctor Sam's mentally unstable brother as leverage (where on earth did that come from? Unnecessary backstory if you ask me), Sam agrees to cease assisting Molly and with that threat neutralized, orders a hit on Molly. Take her!

 So while Ethan is learning that humans sometimes do want perfection, Sam is weeping over her brother, and Sparks is putting his plan into place, Molly and John begin to conduct medical experiments on the baby. They are, clearly, tentatively happy about the baby (provided that it's actually John's, of course). It's something neither one of them has wanted to admit at this stage of the game, and who can blame them. They finally get pregnant and it's because Molly's work was conducting experiments on her! Okay, time for the convergence of this weeks plot lines. Ethan is in the car, getting yelled at; Molly and John are in the house; Sam has agreed to back off and Sparks gives the "go." And BOOM. Ethan is taken from the car! I'm not clear on why, unless it was a trap for Molly, knowing she'd go after her son. But this means that the agents had to have some sort of future vision in which it was Molly who found Ethan, not John or Quinn or a random hiker. How did they know that John would get angry at the local cops for refusing to help out their robot son, punch the sheriff, and land in jail? At any rate, the agents "shut down" Ethan, which was really quite cruel to watch. It felt very much like murder; using a large tool they shocked his system, zapping him out of existence. When Molly does find Ethan, she is taken by helicopters and finds herself in a medical lab of some sort. I think the baby detects danger and suddenly Molly has telekinesis, though in the end, it doesn't help her and our final shot is of a laser opening her up. Ut-oh. I don't think alien baby is going to like this.

Miscellaneous Notes on Shelter

--"He's programed to act like a human." What does that eve mean?? See, this is your real storyline. Can a robot be programed to act human? What makes a human a human--our thoughts, feelings, emotions, past experiences, culture, parents, friends, other family, and sense of personal identity. Have you programed all that into Ethan? And what does that mean about his robotic nature vs his human nature?

--Dogs don't like alien babies.

--Is Ethan dead? Can he be rebooted?

--This episode had a lot of Ethan bonding with various family members. He might be a creepy kid, but I think he's also very human (whatever that might mean).

In Which I Review Under the Dome (2x5)

And then everything exploded...

No seriously, that is a note I took while watching this weeks episode, "Reconciliation." There was a sudden gigantic boom. At first I wasn't even sure if the explosion was really happening or if it was some sort of flash-forward or vision. But then no, there was fire and screaming and it was clearly a real boom-boom. What else was there this episode? A love triangle run amok; fighting and random killing; conspiracies; and gigantic underground tunnels that pop up out of nowhere. This last one, by the way, deserves extra special sarcastic attention. Overall, the thrust of this episode was about people both coming together again after fighting, and people remaining wary of each other. In other words, just another episode of Under the Dome. This won't come as a shock to anyone, but I think the show is spinning its wheels. Too many questions, not enough answers; too much internal drama and not enough mythological explanations (and of course the explanations of mythology we are getting are somewhat disjointed and random and overly cheesy). The show right now has a tendency to split up all the characters which makes this review hard, but here we go. Let's fall down the rabbit hole (or locker hole perhaps?) together. 

Ah, young love. So lovely! So enticing! So egregiously stupid! Norrie is now my favorite character on this show. Everyone else can die in the Dome, but Norrie has to live. She has attitude and spunk and flavor and she says great things. Unfortunately she is saddled with a sad boyfriend who is sad. Joey is on my last nerve. Either he's a wunderkind who can solve all the things, or, as of last night, he's out of his depth and wishes he had Science Teacher Pine because she'd have all the answers! Melanie is also sad. Her sadness makes Joey sad. Their combined sadness makes me sad. Or irritated. Probably irritated, right? Because Melanie's entire role in this show right now is to have sad brown eyes and provide our "what happens to us after we die" cliche, I find her exasperating. Joey finds her her sadness alluring. Joey has issues. The brilliant idea for reduction of said sadness is to take Melanie out to the edge of the Dome and have her touch it; when you touch the Dome it shocks you but then sometimes you get neat little visions. I'm sure this will solve all of Melanie's angst about being dead or alive or transported through time. But Melanie doesn't see anything when she touches the Dome (cue dramatic music). When Melanie becomes upset by this, Norrie steps in and tells her that she "needs to deal!" You tell her Norrie! Melanie is just so upset (groan) that she runs away. Joey is so inept that he tells his girlfriend, "sometimes you're a real bitch," and runs after Melanie. This is NOT the way to handle your romantic affairs, Joey! You do not fall for the semi-dead, semi-alive girl who has some sort of history with the magic fishbowl that is keeping you hostage! Have you learned nothing at all? Could you make matters any worse, Joey? Why yes. Yes you could. By making out with Melanie and having Norrie see. Brilliant! Love triangle! I love those. At least Norrie is tough-as-nails and decides to fight Melanie. Go Norrie! Show her what your anti-establishment take on life can do to a privileged pampered sissy! Oh what's that? Something about blood? We'll come back to that.

Meanwhile, the town has torn itself in two. Either you are team Big Jim or you are Team Julia. I swear, I wrote that exact sentence a year ago. Frankly, I am neither Team Big Jim nor Team Julia. I am Team Figure-A-Way-Out-Of-The-Dome-Before-You-All-Die. We have t-shirts and everything! Julia wants to put Big Jim and Science Teacher Pine on trial for trying to murder some of the town with their virus. Some members of Chester's Mill are okay with this. Some think it's a giant conspiracy on Julia's part to take power away from Big Jim. Some people also think this storyline is interesting and relevant. Sadly, the writers do not. Know how I know? Because deus ex machina in the form of a hoarder. We'll get to her. The beginnings of the trial do not go well. Jim and Rebecca are marched outside and while Julia is trying to explain the rules of how this will work (one boy, one girl, chosen at random to fight in an arena for the entertainment...no wait, that's the Hunger Games), a fight breaks out and someone is shot. Don't worry. No one important. Just some extra who will no longer be getting his $100/day to stand around, arms folded, looking concerned. Big Jim and Rebecca discuss the death and Jim decides that this man who died was simply the price to be paid so that he and Rebecca might live. Rebecca has done a 180 in terms of feelings to Jim. I think she understands now that he's a bit of a monster and a thug. Big Jim is not happy that his attempts at seduction have gone unnoticed and unappreciated. Speaking of doing 180s, do you remember Phil? The radio DJ who is now the acting sheriff for reasons that don't make any sense? Well he's on Team Big Jim and he decides to help Jim and Rebecca out...by pretty much dooming the rest of the town. What a moron. You do realize that by blowing up lots of food, you're screwed right? You're lucky that we have deus ex machina neighbor lady!

For context: Julia has started a food drive. Everyone in town is bringing all their food to one location so it can be dolled out every day. It's not a bad plan and certainly better than "let's kill people!" from Big Jim and Rebecca. However, using Phil as a scapegoat, Jim finds a way to get explosions into the food and everything goes BOOM! Phil, turning up in his official police capacity (oh please), declares that Julia was negligent and that the generator's wires were frayed, something Julia obviously didn't look for but something Big Jim would have noticed right away! Sure. Whatever you say DJ-Cop Phil. But don't worry. The writers have figured out a way to solve this tedious storyline about food. Meet Mrs. Neighbor. Mrs. Neighbor might have been seen once or twice in season one, but not since. However, now, when the plot calls for it, Mrs. Neighbor has taken over the cafe in town and is handing out food that she found in the basement. Or so she's telling everyone. Julia calls shenanigans, checks the basement, finds no food and confronts Mrs. Neighbor. And because the writers wrote themselves into a corner it has now become convenient for Mrs. Neighbor's husband, Mr. Neighbor, to have been a survivalist-hoarder. Mrs. Neighbor's house and basement are full of food, enough to feed everyone inside Chester's Mill for months. How wonderful! So it's a good thing Jim and Rebecca didn't kill people because all our problems are solved! We need something sane now after this madness. What's Junior up to this week?

 Oh you know, breaking into his uncle Sam's house, getting drunk, finding secret passageways. Like ya do. After being knocked out by Lyle, Junior breaks into Sam's cabin to try and find missing pages of his mother's journal. Sam isn't so happy about this, but his unease passes once Junior tells him that Pauline is actually alive. This is not something Sam knew, which I find shocking. I'm thinking Sam and Pauline had some sort of falling out and Pauline no longer trusts Sam; what caused the fall out? Probably that Sam killed Melanie that night back in 1988. Maybe Junior is actually the sane one in this family. Sam shows Junior some of Pauline's prophecies including one about four hands that will hold up the Dome and without them, the Dome will fall. Angie was one of the hands, but do all four hands need to die to make it fall? Time for more murder! Yes, Sam murdered Angie. Shocking, I know. After leaning that his sister is actually alive, Sam comes up with a brilliant plan of getting Junior drunk (in loco parentis, you're doing it wrong!) and then tries to smother him with a pillow. Now I'm all for Little Crazy Pants getting a smack upside his head, but this seems rather cold. Sam must really want out of that Dome. Sam is stopped however when Junior is not so drunk as we believe and suddenly has the bright idea to go back to the school and try and open the Locker-of-Doom. Rebecca is there too, looking at blood, by the way. Something about Melanie. When the locker is finally opened, it's bigger on the inside. Yes, you read that right. The Locker-of-Doom is the TARDIS. It makes so much sense! The Locker has to have been invented by the Time Lords, else how do you explain that it went from an ordinary high school locker to having a GIGANTIC UNDERGROUND TUNNEL BEHIND IT THAT APPARENTLY LEADS DOWN TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL. Unless Lyle has a massive amount of explosives, how the bloody hell did this tunnel get there? Did Lyle dig his way through the bedrock, with a spoon??? Is there a natural cave system down there that some idiot architect thought would be totally okay to build upon? I don't even know what to do about this TARDIS tunnel. I guess this means Melanie is the Doctor? She fell into the Time Vortex and now she's spiraling out of control? Oh, she's Clara, then. Whatever. I'll just wait for the Doctor to turn up and fix all the things.

Miscellaneous Notes of Reconciliation

--"This is crazy."
"This is just par for the course for Chester's Mill."

--"It's called Science!!!" We get it Rebecca, you really like science.

--"She's not who I love!" Then stop kissing Melanie, Joey.

--Barbie and Julia get back together. Oh good. I was so very worried about this incredibly healthy and totally normal relationship.

--Carolyn was in the episode. We haven't seen her in awhile. She got trotted out to do lawyer-type things.

--I swear if the Locker-of-Doom leads out of the stupid Dome...I may have fit.

In Which I Review Extant (1x3)

The truth will out. It always does. However, before you get to the truth, there certainly is an awful lot of lying. This weeks episode of Extant, "Wish You Were Here," is all about the lies we tell ourselves (my child is perfectly normal) and the lies others tell us (surprise! We impregnated you!) The show continues to struggle with trying to have all the science fiction elements, instead of fine tuning one storyline into a cohesive narrative. Why should I care about robot-boy's maybe sociopathy while I'm also caring about alien lifeforms manifesting here on Earth to propagate, or something. I honestly want to see what would happen if they put one storyline aside for a single episode (take your pick, robot-boy or alien pregnancy) and just focused on the other. At any rate, lots of truths and lies are told and now it's up to the characters to figure out what is what. 

It's Ethan's first day at school. After spending most of his life either as a body-less computer or a machine with body, the robot-boy is off to interact with other children. It's an important part of his own evolution into humanity; he needs other children for his development. I think one of the problems I'm having overall with the show is its lack of world building. This is obviously a world that is relying heavily on technology as evidenced by all the fancy high-tech equipment everyone seems to have, but there still seems to be some sort of lingering fear about that technology. The other parents at Ethan's school are nervous about having an artificial intelligence with their children, fearing that Ethan will...do something crazy? It's not made explicit, except that I'm supposed to believe that these men and woman are exposed to machines everyday and find them dangerous. Why do these people find machines dangerous? What sort of machines are they interacting with on a daily basis that leads them to this conclusion? Based on what we've seen so far, the machines, while advanced, are pretty typical: high tech phones, computers. I haven't seen any Judy from the Jettson's type maids roaming the city with their human masters. Outside of Ethan, we haven't been exposed to any other walking/talking/interacting with humans on a social level machines. So the fear seems really unfounded and just a way to create drama. It also creates dramatic irony because while John and Molly insist that Ethan is just another little boy who needs peers, we (the audience) are coming to realize that there is something off about Ethan. He might have been given many ethical tests in a sterile environment but in the real messy world, he's trapping pigeons in boxes to play with them later. And this is something I find interesting (more so than than the on-going alien baby drama). Can a machine who has been given electrical inputs to mimic humanity but is also being raised by humans, turn into a sociopath? And if so, who do you blame? Was it the electrical inputs (human error) or is it the nature of the machine; and if it's the latter what does that mean about artificial intelligence?

The main thrust of the episodes revolves around Molly's birthday party. After being gone for a year, she never got to celebrate so her husband decides to throw her a bash. It's sweet. John is actually very sweet (also, shirtless 3 our out of 3 episodes. I approve). There are lot of people and friends who show up, but Molly seems a bit on edge. This is for a few reasons. Last week, Molly told her boss, Sparks, the news that she's inexplicably pregnant. Sparks now needs to come up with a lie that is good enough to keep Molly's trust. Remember: Molly had been infertile and undergoing extensive fertility treatments with John before leaving for her mission into space. So, the big lie! Sparks and Molly have a meeting at the beginning of the episode in which Sparks tells her that the space program had a covert mission in place in which they were experimenting on astronauts who undertook these year long missions. Using an old sample from Molly's days in the infertility treatments, they implanted her with an embryo and gave it some sort of time-release scientific thing (I don't really get that part). In other words, the baby is John and Molly's and the space program is at fault. It's a clever lie; it allows Molly to believe that she is carrying a perfectly normal child that is also her husband's while at the same time placing all the blame on her work, leaving alien coverups in the dust. There is just one problem, as pointed out by her doctor friend, Sam. In short: paperwork. This space program is a beaurcratic nightmare and there's no way a secret program like this got through. Obviously Sam doesn't watch enough TV; there's always a way for it to get through. Instead Sam wants to do her own blood work on Molly to see if the DNA of the baby is really John's. Yeah, I'm sure the space program will be 100% a-ok with that.

Molly goes to see Harmon to discuss the situation but the resident-crazy has up and vanished. However, Molly does find a clue, a set of intricately woven circular symbols on Harmon's wall. These symbols just so happen to be the same ones that were "burned" (for wont of a better term) on to Molly's stomach in the last episode. In short: there is no way this baby isn't some sort of alien life force. It also seems to be playing havoc on Molly's mind. At the aforementioned party, Molly runs into an old friend, Tim. Tim was Marcus's (the ex who died and who Molly sees in space) brother and has been out of town for a long while. The two spend time catching up and even take a picture together. The problem? He's not really there. Molly looks for him at the party only to be told repeatedly that Tim's not there, and never was. The photo they took together doesn't show Tim at all. The aliens are playing tricks on her mind now! Oh boy! Now Molly makes the some-what-stupid-decision to call Sparks and have him take her into quarantine. Don't worry, deus-ex-Sam-and-Texting saves the day, though how Molly got away from Sparks and managed to vanish with Ethan and John is a mystery (no seriously, how did John and Molly drive back to their house, get their son and vanish without a trace before the men with guns showed up?)

Miscellaneous Notes on Wish You Were Here

--It's obvious from the flashback of John and Molly deciding to raise Ethan as their own that Molly has never been 100% okay with her robot-son.

--"He's a toaster with hair!" Obvious Battlestar Galactica reference is obvious

--"He's not dangerous. He's different, and you don't have to be afraid of different." Good to know that in the future we still have issues of bigotry.

--Julia obviously thinks she's a better mom than Molly. Her bond with Ethan is stronger and I think she really wants to replace Molly in both Ethan and John's life.