Friday, August 21, 2015

In Which I Review Under the Dome (3x10)

Eva is the flying purple people eater. Okay, she's not flying yet, but give Under the Dome time and I'm sure Eva will sprout wings and flutter away. Butterfly style. Once again, this week's episode, "Legacy," was a wheel-spinning, long drawn out exercise in which we learned the same information all over again (eggs are dangerous; they infect people and then these people go crazy; the Dome is calcifying) and a lot of Gibberish was both said and done (Barbie and Julia want to be parents and, seriously, Eva glowed purple). At this point, we are just slogging through to the finish line; plots are going left and right but never forward; characters wander around like zombies, even if they aren't part of the Borg Collective of Chester's Mill, being asked to spew quasi-emotional nonsense that falls incredibly flat. There are only so many ways I can say that this show is utterly ridiculous and dreck, but I've probably said it all already. There are no deep themes, simply the repetition of very basic themes over and over without any sort of serious resolution. Grab a glowing pregnant woman, kill a virgin, and let's go. 

It's so hard to review an episode like this because really nothing happened. Plot happened, yes. Gibberish happened, yes. But nothing thematically significant or even interesting happened. Benton magically popped in to Chester's Mill. You remember Benton? No. Why would you? He appeared for five whole seconds in the season premiere and while his real name is Hektor, I'll be calling him Benton for obvious "ER"-nostalgic reasons. If there is a theme to this week's episode--and to be frank, if it's a theme it's not developed and I'm trying to catch the wind with this one--it's about establishing a legacy for yourself and generations to come. Benton has an obsession with the egg and with the power it can generate. Ever since Alaska, Benton has wanted to harness the clean, unlimited energy the egg provides. Why? Well, not out of the goodness of his heart, that's for sure. He's a greedy corporate man who can't see past the several billions of dollars this would generate for him. Shocking, right? Yet another self-centered charcter who knows more about the Dome than anyone and who has a hidden ulterior motive beyond rescuing the inhabitants of Chester's Mill. Benton knows exactly what kind of legacy he is bringing to the Giant Goldfish Bowl--he watched his best friend turn into digital, sparkly bug-thing after Patrick (the friend) came into contact with the egg (it wants me to touch it!). This is a huge problem Under the Dome has (one of the problems for there are many). Every time it introduces a character, the show makes them devilish, diabolical, egotistical, ruthless, or an alien Queen who wants to turn everyone into her own little doll collection. There are close to zero redeemable characters on this show; Norrie is the only one I maybe sort of care about. It's not that I even hate the characters; hatred is still a strong emotion to elicit from a TV viewer and any emotion is good when it comes to a piece of art. I just find everyone--new, old, and in between--to be truly terrible but also ultimately boring. They are all the same, even without being part of the Borg Collective of Chester's Mill. Why should I care if any of them get out from the Goldfish Bowl? I don't. Which is why their weekly crisis of "oh no! We're going to die for some reason or other" means absolutely nothing to me. It's the writers job to make me care. I should want these people to get out, to have a life again. Or I should want them to suffer for their crimes, but I feel neither. I am just bored and don't care if they live, if they die, if they sit around playing Go Fish. It would result in the same feelings from me.

 The other legacy in this show is of the literal kind: a baby. Who apparently needs virginal sacrifices? See! I told you guys those women were there to be sacrificed. What I did not expect (or, god knows, even want) was for Eva to glow purple as she sucked the life force out of those women. Or maybe the Baby Queen did the sucking. Either way, there was a glowing purple light and then many dead virgins and then miraculously a significantly more pregnant Eva. It's utter gibberish but it's also that we've only got 3 episodes to go (huzzah!) and so the writers must get the baby born because as Dead Alien Science Guy tells us, "AFTER THE QUEEN IS BORN THE WAR BEINGS."  Thanks for the newsflash, Sherlock. Cause I hadn't figured out that some sort of war would likely begin after the Evil Alien Baby was born. I've watched movies and TV, dude. I know how this game goes.

Miscellaneous Notes on Legacy

"You back-stabbing ass!" Joe, Sam killed your sister! Less than a week ago! Why would you ever trust him to begin with? Honestly, this is your own fault.

 --Whistling causes the amethyst to glow. Still doesn't explain why the Borg Collective of Chester's Mill has been whistling all this time.

--Hunter and Uhrua got their flirt on.

--There are still 2,000 under the Dome? Are we sure about that? Because I don't think that's right at all. 

--The opening monologue now states that the Dome fell 4 weeks ago. Man, hell of a month, eh?

--Apparently TLK didn't work all the way because Barbie and his infection are in a dormant phase. So TLK is not a catch all, cure all? OMG, quick! Someone tell OUAT before I have to suffer through Season 5!

--RIP White Clothed Virgins; RIP Midwife Lady.

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