In Which I Review Doctor Who (8x8)

If I wasn't wholly convinced that the Doctor and Clara have an addictive and abusive relationship then after this weeks episode, "Mummy on the Orient Express," I surely am. Without a doubt, their relationship is one that is akin to drug abuse and addiction. The two are definitely not mutually exclusive; you abuse a drug because you're addicted, and you're addicted because you abuse the substance. Doesn't matter what it is, anything can turn into this kind of horrible cycle. Do you know why people do drugs? Because it makes them feel something. It makes them feel alive--and all you want is that feeling. So you'll do whatever it takes to get it--beg, borrow, steal, lie, cheat, kill. Doesn't matter. All you want it another hit, another taste, another rush of feeling. And that's what Clara and the Doctor are after. The adventure is a high. The TARDIS is a high. The Doctor himself is a high. Clara wants to be next to him when the walls come down, and the Doctor has never once tried to not be the Doctor willingly. So, yes, this episode is about addiction and abuse and that tiny voice in the back of your head wishing it could end; wishing that the war would end, and you could finally be free. Surrender to it. It's a dark and scary path. 

Does anyone else think that there should have been a scene before this one? Some sort of emotional resolution after last week? I get that it has been weeks since the Doctor and Clara saw each other, but that's not unheard of in this new Moffat era. This is a problem with Moffat's era in general; he sets up really interesting emotional conflicts and then never sees them out, preferring to take an easy approach that ends in tears and hugging and declarations of love and fealty. Clara was pissed at the end of last week; she was incredibly angry. After weeks of stewing, we're not quite sure how they came back together, but they did. And Clara has decided that, because this is the last hurrah, she doesn't need to hate the Doctor for lying and patronizing her last week. "I really thought I hated you...but hatred is too strong of an emotion to waste on someone you don't like. I just can't do this the way you do it anymore." This sentiment is confusion in sentence form. So, she doesn't hate the Doctor because it's too strong an emotion to give to someone she doesn't even like. Clara doesn't like the Doctor anymore because of the way he conducts their adventures nowadays, but she needed one last hurrah, one final trip, one final mission, to say goodbye, to end it. What does this sound like? It sounds like someone with a drug problem; it sounds like someone who is trying to convince themselves that one final hit, one last rush, and they'll be able to walk away for good because they know this is the end and therefore they can savor it and enjoy. You know what the problem is? By the end of that last hit, you remember how good this addiction feels and you keep telling yourself "just one more. I can take it."

I think it's very possible that the Doctor is manipulating Clara during all this. By the end of the episode, we learn that he did not bring her to this train in space for a nice quiet evening but because he has been invited by a mysterious force who wants the Doctor to solve a puzzle. When Clara learns about the mummy monster and becomes curious and excited, the Doctor keeps leaning on her, "I thought you didn't want this to be a thing. I thought you wanted to end it." When Clara acknowledges that of course she doesn't want this to be a thing, the Doctor basically insinuates, without saying the words, that this means she'll never see him again. He doesn't do dinners, folks. He doesn't pop round for a roast and a glass of red wine. That's not how he operates. If you leave the TARDIS, then chances are you'll never see him again. Just ask Sarah Jane Smith after the Fourth Doctor left her. It's quiet the impressive emotional manipulation. The Doctor is her drug dealer; he'll say he's fine with her quitting and living her own life, but he'll slyly put her in a position where she is unable to say no. Long gone is the Tenth Doctor who let Martha walk out of the TARDIS, head held high, knowing that she had saved the planet Earth and that she could now get on with her life.

So the plot of the episode is both entertaining and not. I really enjoyed the ambiance and atmosphere of the roaring 1920s space train, complete with flapper gowns and lounge singers. But when all that was stripped away and we were left in a sterile, cold, inhospitable lab, devoid of all the color and warmth of the "curtain" I was disappointed. I really just wanted a fun 1920s-esque old Hollywood style murder mystery. It was set up as such. There was sultry jazz music, a murder that was unsolvable, an icy blonde who might steadily be going mad, an authoritarian figure who has resentment issues, and here comes the Doctor just like Poriot and his plucky young assistant who helps him out. It's totally Agatha Christie (whom the Doctor has met, by the way). But then it was reduced down to some scientific mumbo jumbo in order to get at one of the overarching themes of this season: soldiers and why the Doctor doesn't like them. In case you missed it, the Mummy is a Doctor doppelganger. It wasn't very subtle. Every time someone would see the Mummy and try to describe it, the Doctor's face would always be in the vision as well, blurring the lines between what was Mummy and what was Time Lord. The Mummy, who kills you in 66 seconds after you look at it, is a soldier of a war long since forgotten, thousands of years old, wounded but still feeling like it has a mission to carry out. Sound familiar? As the Doctor is trying to race against the clock, he gives some very tell telltale lines in which he takes out "the Mummy" as the noun and uses "you" which could be the Mummy or it could be the Doctor talking to himself, something he did in this episode, having a full on conversation back and forth with nobody. "It won't just let you die; it won't let the war end." When does the Doctor get to die? When does he get to surrender to that dark abyss? In theory, it's after this regeneration, but Moffat can work around that easily enough. The fact is, this Doctor is the wounded soldier who can't quit, who can't die, because he's addicted to it all. This is the life he chose and he'll live it until the bitter end--even if he may not want to anymore, even if it makes him heartless.

The last ten minutes are probably the highlight of the entire episode. The Doctor saves everybody to Clara's shock and awe. Even though Clara thought the Doctor was being heartless, and making her heartless in the process, it turns out that he made the choice that her previous Doctor would have made. I'm going to be cynical here; I think this was a well choreographed dance on the part of the Doctor. Here's his companion thinking that he is letting people die left and right without remorse and in order to feed into her better nature, to get her to see that he's not that way, he gives her what she wants: a hero. An impossible hero. On the beach, Clara asks the Doctor, "so you were only pretending to be heartless?" His very telling answer: "Would that make it easier?" Oh, the lies we tell. Now Clara can tell herself that the Doctor was only pretending to be heartless but he's not in reality. It's just that, "sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose." What are Clara's choices? She can live a life without the Doctor, without the TARDIS, and without the adventures. Or she can live a life that is fueled by these drugs, a life that she may never be able to get out of, and one that might turn her heartless. There's a line Sarah Jane Smith says to the 10th Doctor when they meet again that I think works really well here, "You were my life. You know what the most difficult thing was? Coping with what happens next. No, with what doesn't happen next. You took me to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, you showed me supernovas, intergalactic battles and then you just dropped me back on Earth. How could anything compare to that?" 

Do you know what one of the hallmarks of addiction is? Lying to the people you love. Do you know what one of the hallmarks of an abusive relationships is? Apologizing for things that aren't your fault. Clara does both of these things in about five seconds flat. So, here they are: the Doctor and Clara. One is about to leave the TARDIS for good, and one never will. You can tell that Clara is waffling. She doesn't want to go (bad choice of words...). But before she does, she wants to know if the Doctor feels like his life is an addiction. His response, "it's hard to call it an addiction if you've never tried to give it up." Nope. It's an addiction whether or not you try to give it up. But look at him trying to make Clara's decision without appearing to make Clara's decision, which was his mistake last week: she felt patronized that the Doctor "let" her make a choice that she wasn't really making. Now he's being careful and cagey. He'll let her walk out that door but when she asks if he loves being the man who makes impossible choices, he simply responds with, "it's my life." It could be her life too. And then, like fate, there is her real life calling. Danny wants to know if it's done, if she's coming home and they can begin their life. Clara lies to the man she loves and says "mission accomplished" and then proceeds to run to the Doctor and tell him that this whole "ending it" was Danny's idea, but she's only had a wobble and now she's ready. She tells the Doctor how sorry she is and that she wants planets and adventure. Addiction. Meet Abuse. It's not pretty. And together, the Doctor and Clara grab hold of the consoles and plunge into darkness.

Miscellaneous Notes on Mummy on the Orient Express

--Given that addiction was actually brought up this episode, I'm willing to give Moffat the benefit of the doubt that this addictive/abusive relationship is intentional and that Clara's addiction will be paramount in how she gets off the show.

--$50 says that "Gus" has something to do with Missy and that we'll be seeing those victims of the Mummy again. And did anyone else think that the beach was Heaven?

--"Oh. I'm so happy to finally see you. Hello, I'm the Doctor and I'll be your victim tonight. Are you my Mummy?"

--The Doctor offered a man a jelly baby from a cigarette case. Bless.

--On the whole the emotional and thematic moments of this episode were solid, but it was the "science" bit of the plot that was lackluster.

In Which I Review Sleepy Hollow (2x3)

Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests ¹⁵ and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. ¹⁶ From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.
--Matthew 26: 14-16

It was bound to happen. The first real "sleepy" episode of Sleepy Hollow. Not that it wasn't good, but rather this weeks episode, "Root of All Evil," dragged a bit more than the last two. Sleepy Hollow more or less returned to the monster of the week type storytelling, only in place of a monster it was a cursed coin from the Roman Era. Naturally. I accept that this is what Sleepy Hollow most often is; after all, Abby and Ichabod can't go into Purgatory every week, now can they? Monster of the week mini arcs can be done well--just look at Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's being able to use your strengths--in this case, the relationship of Abby and Ichabod--while hunting down and defeating a monster I'll most likely forget in the coming weeks. If there was one theme to this weeks episode, it was that there is darkness in everyone. It resides in the human heart, sitting uncomfortably, yearning to be free. All it needs is a little push. 

Hey look; it's Benedict Arnold, America's most notorious traitor and egg sandwich. So there are these coins, there are thirty of them and they are silver. Lights should be going off in your head right about now. These coins, that have been scattered all about the United States I suppose, were the 30 pieces of silver that the Romans gave to Judas to betray Jesus and as such are "cursed." The show never uses the word cursed, but I will. Essentially they bring out the darkness in everyone and make those people betray that to whom they are most loyal. Ichabod and Abby need to get the coin out of the hands of whomever has it and lock it away so that it can't do anymore damage. It's essentially an hour of missteps and running around. There are some highlights that exist outside of this plot and that was genuinely the more interesting portion of the episode. But to deal with the coin plot, it is resolved, naturally, by episode's end. It passes hands for a bit until it lands (literally) in front of Jenny who unknowingly picks it up and then begins to hunt down the new Police Chief Reyes to seek revenge. Turns out that this Police Chief Reyes (who is probably secretly evil, along with Katrina) sent Jenny and Abby's mom the psych ward where she later committed suicide. Jenny blames Reyes for why she and her sister never had their mother and grew up the way they did, though Abby is more lenient, but the sisters have always been contrasting personalities. The coin is eventually put into the protection of a Mr. Holly, whom, unless I misjudge, will most likely be coming back at some point during this season. He ruffled Ichabod's feathers too much for them not bring him back to ruffle them further. 

 There was a lot of fighting in this weeks episode. Not fisticuffs, mind you, but verbal sparring. Abby and Jenny, Abby and Reyes, War and Death (that's such a comical thing to write) and even, to some small extent, Ichabod and Abby. You'll notice that in many, if not all of these cases, the fighting is between people who should be loyal to each other. Even without the coin in their possession, the darkness in (wo)man cannot be denied thereby proving Jeremy's hypothesis that by simple observation we can witness people's true nature. Abby and Jenny should be loyal to each other, but Jenny feels betrayed when Abby won't take her side against Reyes; Abby should be loyal to her Captain and not question the Captain's decisions; War and Death are supposed to be in this Apocalypse together, but you can tell that they don't trust each other. Actually, their fight is rather ironic. War (Jeremy) thinks that Death (Abraham) is too close to Katrina who is still living amongst them, but it's equally true of War. There is something about her that War yearns to connect with and he is in such denial about it that he literally tries to burn a reminder that Katrina gave him life. You know who hasn't forgotten this detail? Abby. Every time Ichabod brings up his wife, Abby gets very silent. When Ichabod finally confronts her about it, Abby asks him if he truly believes that Katrina would turn against her son when the time comes. Katrina is a mother; she is going to try and reach out to her child, and I think Abby's right. I make a lot of jokes about how Katrina is evil, but if I had to guess I think she might betray Ichabod not out of malice or villainy but out of love for her son. Come the end of season two, I think Katrina might actually choose, willingly, to stay with Abraham and Jeremy out of a desire to be with her son, not her husband. 

Miscellaneous Notes on Root Of All Evil

--Abby explaining gay marriage to Ichabod was hilarious, but even more so was Ichabod's response: "I meant gentlemen wearing hats indoors...also, I watched the finale of Glee." 


--"I fought a war for Independence, yet I have none!" Poor Ichabod. He has no identity. It's definitely thematic since he's a man out of time, constantly having to realign his cultural understandings. It's also just really hard to buy a beer. 

--Why does Jeremy have a model of Sleepy Hollow, that is somewhat creepy in its exact detail? 

--The conversation between Ichabod and Jeremy was definitely the highlight of the episode. John Noble is wonderful. I knew I loved him for a reason.

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (4x2)

Bo Peep is an evil warlord with a magic stick that can brand people and make them her flock so that she never loses them. 

I want you to read that sentence again. Then I want you to think back to season one when this show had style but substance, heart, drama, emotions, morals, and decent writing. Then, after you've contemplated all that, I want you to re-read the first sentence above and tell me how the HELL that fits into what ONCE was. Hint: it doesn't. I liked this episode less than last weeks; this week was slow, boring, overly contrived and didn't advance the plot at all. Oh, Charming and Anna knew each other? Okay. Oh, Charming's father was an alcoholic? Um, sure. Oh, Elsa and Emma are going to bond over inability to control their magic and being scared of what they are? Actually, I like that, but I was on a roll. Let's see: oh Captain Hook continues to pout that he's not getting the proper amount of attention? There. Three bad things. This weeks episode, "White Out," wanted to give some thematic understanding of not letting fear stop you from living your life. I guess that's relevant but you know what, like the Doctor said, "fear is a super power." Sometimes, fear is good. But any theme ONCE was trying to drive is pretty much covered up with frills, a shepherd's crook, and sheep. Seriously. Bo Peep is a warlord. 

Baaaaaaaaad Writing

On some level, this is a good idea. Charming--who is just David right now--has very few friends outside of Snow. It's the biggest problem I have with David and Snow as a couple; they are so wrapped up in each other that they never exist outside of each other. Now, I would have liked if this flashback actually took place when David was married to show that he could have substantial relationships outside of Snow, but I'll take what I can get. Fans have been clamoring to know more about Charming who, for being the original male hero of the story, is super under developed. Mixed in with this is the desire to know more about Charming's father--theories abound on this one: knight of the Round Table, King Arthur, ect. The writers decide to kill two birds with one stone and give us Charming's father's back story and I am just going to say it: not everyone has one bad parent, ONCE. Get over this trope and get over it right now. It's officially annoying. Well, it was annoying before but now it's just straight up laziness. Don't think that you can flesh out one of your core characters in five seconds by providing an overly cliche story of a woefully inept father. There is nothing wrong with Charming having two loving parents, but nope. You had to go and make his father a drunk who died in a cart accident. Yes, that is a thing that happens in the Enchanted Forest. However this is not the truly heinous writing in this weeks episode.

This is. This could have been playful and been the show trying to make fun of itself and its constant attempt to gender bend or twist the classic stories you knew as a kid. But the acting, the costuming, the actual plot of a warlord who calls herself Bo Peep and brandishes a magical stick that makes people part of her flock...ludercrious. And not in a ha-ha funny way. I mean just straight up sheer lunacy. It's embarrassing for the show that once gave us episodes like Skin Deep and Manhattan. And you know what the most egregious thing might be? If they had toned down the absurd acting and costuming and flash in the pan like quality, this had potential. A terrible warlord who can enslave people from the Enchanted Forest and make them work for her to pay off debt? Actually an interesting storyline but one we all know that they won't develop further. And that's one of ONCE"s biggest problems: they introduce new villains every episode while simultaneously having a separate villain arc but the two never line up. Blackbeard had nothing to do with Zelena. And Bo Peep will having nothing to do with--the villain of the season (we'll get to her). How many baddies are there in the Enchanted Forest? And how many of them can inexplicably use magic? What happened to just Regina and Rumple and the fairies as the power in the lands? So what does Bo Peep want?

Charming's farm, if he can't pay his debt. Otherwise, he will be her slave for he is part of her flock and she always knows how to find them. Good Lord. Are we sure this episode was written by Jane Espenson? I am a lover of all things Jane but this couldn't possibly be hers. Also, look at this photo. This is some Harlequin Romance fluff right here. "I can't fight! It is better to survive. Will you miss me, my sweet?" "You must fight! However shall I survive without you and your flowing locks?" "To the barn my love. I want to show you my new riding trick!" Honestly, at one point, I thought they were going to try and romanticize Anna and Charming. It doesn't help that she tackled him in a barn and then straddled him for a few moments. There is some hubbub about Bo Peep kidnapping Anna and making her part of the flock by branding but of course Charming miraculously wins against Bo in a sword fight after learning to fight just 24 hours before and gets Anna back and the day is saved and oh hip hip hooray! The main message here is that survival is not living, and that even if the battle cannot be won, it must be fought. This is something present day Charming believes in quite a bit so it's nice to see where he got it, especially since our first real introduction to him is as a farmer who fought a dragon. The flashbacks were just incredibly lackluster though. The writers are taking every opportunity to insert the Frozen characters into places to keep the new audience that only came because of Frozen entertained. If they think I don't notice then, I've got news for them. I do.

FrozenSwan

Emma got herself a friend. It's a bloody miracle. Every interaction Emma has is mostly male (and romantic) or her mother and father with whom she has an incredibly sketchy and complicated relationship. So, yes, I am applauding ONCE for giving Emma an honest to goodness friend. Now for a criticism. It won't last. Elsa will most likely be gone by the end of these eleven episode and never reappear meaning that Emma will lose the only sincere friend she's had since Neal died. Yeah, that's right. I went there. Neal was also a friend, not just a lover. Elsa, though, has endangered the lives of everyone in Storybrooke twice now. She created an ice monster that almost crushed Maid Marian and now she has put up a giant wall of ice that prevents anyone from leaving...a town that no one can leave anyway. I suppose Elsa doesn't know that. Still. Redundant prevention method is redundant. Also, does the Wall of Ice guard the realms of men? Is it the Sword in the Darkness? Are there Watchers on the Wall? Obvious A Song of Ice and Fire reference is obvious.

Emma is not equipped for the cold, but it never bothered Elsa, anyway. Yes, the show went there. Trapped inside the Ice Wall/Cave, Emma is slowly freezing to death while trying to figure out what Elsa wants in Storybrooke. It's a race against the clock but in the meantime, Elsa and Emma bond over their difficulties with magic. Emma is the world's most ineffectual savior (cold should not stop true love's powers!) and Elsa no longer has her safety blanket (Anna) so she's all out of whack. It's nice that Emma has someone who understands her since they killed the last person who understood her and made her walls come down (the pirate in black doesn't count. He doesn't exist apart from my need to openly criticize his demands for dates and special time even though Emma told him to be patient. Step off, Hook; Step. Off.) Like the flashbacks, the present day stuff was really just a bunch of running around, yelling, and exposition. There was nothing to latch on to. I never once felt that Emma was in real danger or that Charming and He Who Shall Not Be Named wouldn't get to her in time or that Elsa wouldn't find the power inside her to make the walls come tumbling down. So Emma and Elsa get out from the wall/cave (really, what was it exactly?) but the wall/cave doesn't fall. Why?

This I am legitimately excited for. I love Elizabeth Mitchell; loved her on LOST and V and Revolution and it's nice to see her in Storybrooke. My guess? She's the original Ice Queen. And knowing ONCE, she'll be related somehow to the Frozen sisters. We've had bad mothers, bad fathers, bad sisters. How about a bad Aunt? Elsa and Anna's mother's sister. Why not. I wonder what her name is in this reality. Something cold. Oh, also, she runs an ice cream shop. That's clever, actually. That's almost season one clever. She seems to have control over her powers but at the same time, anything she touches gets Frozen (copyright Disney). What does she want? More power? Does she want Elsa? Does she have Anna? I hope the answers to these questions are more satisfying than this episode was. Or maybe I should just give up and accept that she's probably Henry's sister once removed on his cousins side. Oh, and she's Bo Peep. And a warlord.

Miscellaneous Notes on White Out

--Anna was much better this episode. Not as ditzy, more lovably kooky.

--Snow is now the mayor? Why? Because she cast the curse--but Regina was mayor up until last night. Also, with no experience whatsoever and not being able to read a manual written in Japanese, Snow fixed a generator because breastfeeding.

--"Why put up a wall?" "To kill us all one by one. That's what I would do." OMG. I hate you Hook. I hate you so much.

--"A store filled with things!"

--Regina doesn't want to see Henry. Of all the OOC stupidity....

In Which I Review Doctor Who (8x7)

According to Webster's Dictionary, responsibility means "the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone." If there is one theme in this weeks episode, "Kill the Moon," it's how much responsibility does the Doctor have to the planet Earth and its billion plus inhabitants? Is he our savior in our time of need; or is it up to the people who call this blue/green rock home to make decisions, especially when those decisions aren't nice or kind. Secondary to this is trying pick apart what the Doctor gets out of having a travel companion. For the most part, it's is to stave off lonlieness or, as the 11th Doctor said, it's because he has seen it all--the birth and death the universe--and traveling with someone helps him see it through fresh eyes. However, while that is all good and noble and a wee bit sad, I think his motivations are also incredibly egotistical. As of late, the Doctor only travels with modern humans; little people who aren't knowledgeable about time and space and can look at the Doctor with a sort of starry eyed wonder. And I think he gets off on it. He likes that almost god like power. It's an ugly truth, but one that fits in this weeks episode. 

The Doctor put his foot in his mouth and now he's paying for it. This is why we don't tell kids they aren't special or important--sooner or later, they'll want to travel in space with you. I don't have a lot of issues with a random kid, Courtney I suppose, traveling with the Doctor. It was important thematically since the episode had a lot to say about children and innocent lives, I just don't want the Doctor making a habit of taking other people into space when he already has a companion. However, it's very telling that the Doctor would rather show Courtney a neat trick--by letting her be the first woman on the moon--rather than just telling her she is important. This Doctor has problems with the emotional words, doesn't he? He's opposed to hugs and the Doctor couldn't properly express why he didn't like Danny and he can't communicate explicitly why he doesn't like soldiers. And by the end of this episode, he is unable to tell Clara that she is important and special to him, instead couching his criticisms in a patronizing and patriarchal way. And actually, when you stop and think about it, he's been doing this all season. His need to insult Clara in what was a fun big brother, best friend sort of way, have slowly becoming more annoying and mean spirited. I read an analysis of The 12th Doctor and Clara that they have a very abusive relationship. He's the jealous boyfriend who will beat you down with words but apologize and try to make amends when it look like she's about to walk out the door. It might be a bit extreme if in large part because I don't think Moffat is aware that this is how Clara and The Doctor are coming across, but it does carry some weight. In this episode, the Doctor will let Clara feel stupid and in mortal danger for the sake of a lesson. He says it's respect, but it's not how she feels.

The plot of this episode is nothing totally revolutionary, though there are a shocking amount of political sentiments in this episode. Turns out the moon is an egg and thus the mythology of ever civilization ever is proven correct. No seriously, many civilizations considered the moon to be a woman who was pregnant, hence why it waxed and waned. Inside the moon-egg is a dragon--no wait, wrong fandom (A Song of Ice and Fire joke). Inside the moon is a creature, possibly the largest creature in the universe and it's hatching. The moon is breaking apart as a result and it's causing havoc on earth; the tides are so large that they threaten to drown whole cities. But here's the issue, well one of them: we know the moon still exists past 2049 and that humanity is not wiped out. So when Clara just wants to pack up and leave because she knows that the moon is still there in the future and that humanity has spread out amongst the stars, the Doctor corrects her that the future is not for certain and for all he knows, the decision that is made today could change the course of history. So what's the dilemma? Kill the baby or sacrifice the future.

You know, that's fairly weighty for a show that is theoretically geared toward children. It's the pro-life debate only set in space with nuclear bombs. What is more important? An alien baby that "cannot be blamed for kicking" or the future of the human race? Clara and Courtney don't want to kill the innocent creature because it's a baby; the astronaut sent into space to deal with the issue thinks human life is more important. Politically speaking, I am pro-woman's choice and I guess here I am pro-humanity's future, but it's a bleak future if it comes on the back of a dead alien baby. And the Doctor? The Doctor has left the building. I admit, I expected him to come back before time ran out and tell Clara and Courtney that he had found a way to let the alien baby live and save the planet Earth in one fell swoop. And then I remembered that this wasn't the 10th or 11th Doctor. The 12th Doctor's stance is pretty clear: "The earth is not my home, the moon in not my moon. I can't help, sorry." It has to be Clara and Courtney and the astronaut's decision, not his. The Doctor wants no part in it because it doesn't concern him. Troubling, no? It also brings to mind what the 10th Doctor said in his very first episode about the planet Earth: "it is defended," meaning by him. In this case, the 12th Doctor isn't doing much in the way of defense, now is he. The Doctor does come back but only after Clara and Courtney press the button to abort the bomb. He doesn't come back in the nick of time, but a hair's breath after. What if Clara and Courtney hadn't pressed that button? She says she almost didn't and I believe her. Everything is fine, in the end, of course. The creature lives and flies free, laying a new moon in its wake, and humanity sees something that sets them on a course to travel amongst the stars.

But now we come to the really important part of the episode: Clara lets the Doctor have it. Either he tells her what he knew, or she will slap him so hard that he'll regenerate. HA! This might be the biggest fight the Doctor has had with a companion in awhile. The Doctor probably knew all along that the monster would re-lay an egg and the Earth would be fine. He can claim he didn't but I don't believe him, honestly. He removed himself from the equation because he likes sitting back and watching his creatures at work. He's like God in the Clockmaker analogy. God may have created the universe and its creatures but he has no part in their lives now and what choices they make, they make. He won't interfere. The Doctor enjoys sitting back and applauding himself for his cleverness and his ingenuity when the humans do something noble and brave because, in a way, he gets to take credit for it. Clara's right; he's patronizing her. This was a really great moment for Clara. She's never been my favorite; she was written as weak and weepy in her first season and is only now getting a backbone, the kind required to go toe to toe with an egomaniacal man like the Doctor. Props to Jenna Coleman for acting this so well. Clara tells the Doctor, "Don't you lock me with the rest of the humans that you think are tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, you breathe our air and you can help us when we need it." It's interesting that just after this, the Doctor tells Clara to watch her language; the same thing he told Courtney because she was a child. That's how the Doctor sees Clara; she's a little girl and he's the big important Time Lord and he knows best. She gets a pat on the head for being a clever little human, but in the end, it's all thanks to him. But enough is enough, and Clara tells him to "get in your lonely TARDIS and don't you come back." Now, I know it won't last. Clara will forgive and the Doctor will make amends, but that's what I was saying at the beginning: it's a bit of an abusive relationship. Whether or not Steven Moffat is aware of this, I don't honestly know. He often cuts the emotional stuff off at the knees without exploring it. But I think it's safe to say that Clara has had her eyes opened for real this time and will be wary moving forward. All in all, she kinda had a bad day.

Miscellaneous Notes on Kill The Moon

--This episode didn't really make me laugh, but then I don't think it was supposed to. I did enjoy that the spiders were killed with Windex.

--"No getting sick and no hanky panky, those are the rules."

--"I am a super intelligent alien being who flies in time and space. You going to shoot me?" Funny line but it really drives home the point I was making about the Doctor's ego.

--I know before the season is over, we'll most likely get Danny Pink's background story on why he left the army and what his "really bad day" was but I'm not sure at this point what it is. Did he kill someone accidentally?

--Really surprised we didn't see the dead astronauts with Missy.

In Which I Review Sleepy Hollow (2x2)

What is the cost of war? There are many obvious ones, of course. People, resources, money, land, tangible structures and intangible ideas, like peace, liberty, justice, freedom, or even negative ones like oppression that fall as the world changes in blood and battle. But what about the personal losses? Integrity, honesty, commitment, loyalty. Are these not also lost in war? Perhaps even your own soul. It's hard to make that sort of declaration when talking about Sleepy Hollow, a campy show that delights in the absurd in which a Headless Horseman uses a shotgun to kill. But questions of that tenor lurk beneath the surface of this weeks episode, "The Kindred." An apt name, if ever there was one. How do you, in war, prevent yourself from becoming the monsters you are fighting? How do you not become their kindred in violence and destruction while fighting for the greater good? It's an odd turn of phrase, the greater good. Who decides what the greater good is? And what happens when the greater good clashes with your personal desires? All questions ripe for the picking this week. Oh, and Ichabod visited a bank; that was a great. 

Katrina is still being held hostage by the Headless Horseman who intends to make her his bride in a ritual that he has plucked from an obscure non-canonical Biblical Text. See, only on Sleepy Hollow can I write that and have it make a modicum of sense. The Headless Horseman is determined to make Katrina love him, an idea she relishes. Or maybe I just want her to relish it because I still think this chick is evil. The dresses, guys...the dresses. But this is where the personal desire versus the greater good comes into play. Ichabod, after being without Katrina for so long, wants to rescue his wife before dealing with the larger problem of Moloch trying to break free from Purgatory and "scorch the earth in hell fire and damnation." It's something Abby remarks on but she doesn't press the subject, something I find odd given that Abby has always been a tough as nails type of girl. By all rights, Abby should hit Ichabod upside his head and tell him to focus cause the world's about to end. Midway through the episode, I believe we get an answer to why Leftenant Mills isn't doing this: Ichabod is her weakness. It may not be a love connection (yet, damn it) but Abby's faith in Ichabod is her greatest weakness. If Ichabod wants to hunt for Katrina, then that's what they do. She trusts him to know best. Which also means she'll help raise a monster of her own when Ichabod tells her that's the right course of action.

So, this monster is creepy. Meet the Kindred! He's a fun time guy, stitched together with various human bits and bobs, complete with the Headless Horseman's head and all designed by Benjamin Franklin. Ah, Benjy. You rascal, you. The Kindred's purpose is to protect Abby and Ichabod while they are trying to bust Katrina out of the Horseman's house. The Kindred is under their command and is the equal of the Horseman of Death. I must say, the fight sequence between The Kindred, The Horseman of Death, and the Horseman of War was well done. Very scary but also maintaining that campy nature I've come to expect and love. You've got one guy without a head and wielding an axe; you've got another guy who is made up of different humans and has a skull for a head; and still another in a knight's raiment with a flaming sword. It's so late night Hollywood B movie it's hilarious. But it works for Sleepy Hollow.

However, Katrina doesn't want to leave the Headless Horseman (because she's evil). She has finally gotten the Horseman to trust her by lying and telling him that she'll choose him but it must be of her own free will. While the Headless Horseman is off fighting the Kindred, Katrina and Ichabod meet up and she tells her poor husband that she can be a mole on the inside (cause she's evil) and that she must try to save Jeremy (or make him more evil).  I have to wonder where this is going. On the one hand, it gives Abby and Ichabod more time alone together, and as I said last week, they're the reason we keep tuning in. Katrina is an awkward third wheel (and evil) and moreover, a mole could be useful. On the other hand, Katrina might be playing Ichabod (because she's evil) and want to get in close with the Headless Horseman for nefarious reasons (because she's evil). Alright, one of those situations is more likely than the other, I know. There is a kiss between Ichabod and Katrina but I looked away. Poor Ichabod. He doesn't see that Katrina is clearly evil. Ichabod leaves Katrina to her devices and flees with Abby. Back in their hideout Ichabod tells Abby that they cannot become monsters to fight monsters. They must be better than that. Good for you Ichabod. Rise above!

I have to admit the ending the show surprised me a bit. We finally checked in with the former Captain of the Police, Irving. He's being held in jail and psych ward for confessing to murders (he didn't commit) and then claiming it was a demon. Irving knows that his wife is sending a lawyer along to help him out of this situation and who should appear but Jeremy, in a nice suit with the charming demeanor of a kind lawyer sent to help you out of your woes. Oh, and what's this he has in his briefcase? A special contract? With a pen that "accidentally" stabbed the good Captain and drew blood? Oh my gosh, do not sign this! Have you never read Faust? You're probably selling your soul to Moloch for all eternity! Of course the Captain signed and now, I'm sure, Molcoh will use him as a new toy to plague Abby and Ichabod. Oh Sleepy Hollow. Your twists and turns are ever so much fun.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Kindred

--Jenny is in prison and the new Captain of the Police, named Reyes, is all sorts of evil and bitchy. I think Reyes works for the Horseman.


--Ichabod in a bank. Bless his rant.

--"Hello...mother." RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. (John Noble is brilliant)

--"I am not the witch in the family!"

In Which I Review Once Upon A Time (4x1)

And here we are again. If I said I was having trouble forming proper thoughts on the return of ONCE could anyone blame me? Three months off during which time my distaste and dissatisfaction for the show only grew. I don't know how I relate to this show anymore. Yes, some part of me is still curious about all the ins and outs. Some part of me still cares for Rumple and Belle and Snow and Charming, though any affection I had for Emma (who used to be my favorite female on this show) has diminished quite significantly and the less I say about Hook the better. It's hard for me to find the positive in Once Upon a Time anymore because of how disastrous and rage inducing season three (well, the second half at least) was. This show has become something I watch with bitterness and resentment. And yet...and yet, here I am. Blogging, watching, and discussing, as I always have. It's a Catch-22 for me. I can't walk away because I have devoted hours (and hours) of my life to this show; but I can't find it in me to really enjoy or just "let go" of some of the more grievous errors the writers have made. In the season premiere, "A Tale of Two Sisters," we begin the Frozen arc. Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, and even Sven the Reindeer are all here. It's shark jumpy and it's an obvious ratings and money hog and frankly it's annoying that the creators are going for flash over substance once more but it's also not surprising. Isn't that what ONCE has turned into? Disney fanfiction while simultaneously ignoring the nuanced and intricate characters they set up from the start. My reviews of ONCE aren't going to be positive, or at least they aren't going to ignore the giant flaws in writing, logic, character development, and substance. That's not what I do anymore. So what can I say about the season 4 premiere as a whole: it's exactly what I expected and that's not a good thing. 

Welcome to Arendelle

Because my opening was so negative toward the show, let me start the proper review off with something more positive: the casting. If there is one thing that OUAT gets right about 95% of the time, it's casting. And by right I mean they pick people who are literally carbon copies of the Disney version. Wait. Did my positive just go negative? Whoops. Actually, I admit this is a fuzzy area to criticize. It's hard for a show that sells itself as your favorite fairy tales (read: Disney movies) come to life and then not have those fairy tales look exactly like their Disney counterparts. Ariel without red hair would have been a disaster; Tink not being blonde and not in green wouldn't jive for the audience. The one time they did break the mold with Rapunzel, it came off as forced and a way to silence critics about ONCE's overwhelming race issue. So when it came time to cast Elsa and Anna, they went for the actresses who look exactly like the animated version. Even down to the costuming, they are straight off the DVD cover sitting on your shelf. It is what it is. Georgiana Haig, whom I know from Fringe, is a good actress and a good choice. Newbie Elizabeth Lail is sweet and endearing though I found the way they wrote Anna to be taxing. I won't give the show too much grief over this. I know...shocking.  So, what is happening in Arendelle? Well, it's important to note that this isn't strictly Frozen. I mean, it is in the sense that Elsa, Anna, ect are coming to ONCE but we aren't going to see the movie Frozen play out before our eyes. Rather, the events of the flashback are actually after the events of the movie. So post-Frozen, pre-Regina's curse. Because we should make this as wibbly wobbly timey wimey as possible, apparently.

Elsa is trying to prepare Anna for her wedding to Kristoff but of course that's complicated for a few reasons. Quick aside, but why does everything have to be a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped inside family dynamics? Of course there is some super secret hidden diary that reveals a super secret plan from Anna and Elsa's parents! Of course the parents set out to find a way to "fix" Elsa because they are horrible parents. No seriously, they pretty much thought their daughter was a monster. Once Upon A Parent: You're Doing it Wrong. Anna, determined to make Elsa realize that she's not a villain, decides to go see the Rock Trolls. And when I say the rock troll looked more like the Rock Troll than Elsa looks like Movie! Elsa, that's saying something. Seriously. It's like they spliced out the Rock Troll from the movie and then put it into ONCE and added a new voice to give it gravitas. The Rock Troll is only slightly helpful: the parents traveled to the Mist Haven to find someone who could help with Elsa's wonky snow powers. Sure. Why not. Not like Frozen was about acceptance and love. Of course all of this is compounded by the fact that Anna is getting married the next day to Kristoff and Elsa can't leave her kingdom to go on an adventure. But when has responsibility and duty and honor ever stopped the characters on ONCE? I know I sound overly critical and bitter but so far the Frozen storyline is weak. I know, I know. One episode in. But while the actors are great we are dealing, once again, with a misunderstood "monster" who wants to find love and acceptance. Zelena, Regina, Rumple, and even Cora, to an extent, fit this bill. This is why I liked Peter Pan so much; he was just evil for evil's sake. There is only so many times the writers can hammer home that "evil isn't born, it's made" before they sound like a one trick pony. Which, they sorta already are. Every villain is going to have the same story. Is Elsa a villain though? Not really. Not in the Frozen movie and probably not in ONCE. But so far, she's been set up that way and it bothers me that she's the same as every other villain.

Speaking of Elsa and her complexities, she and Kristoff do NOT like each other, eh? Where did that come from? Why is that the ONCE interpretation of their relationship? Cause I don't think they even speak in the movie. Maybe it's jealousy. Anna is all Elsa has and now she's loosing her sister to Kristoff, and this is after she almost lost Anna to a frozen heart. I suppose that works, but once again, we just had a jealous sister issue. Granted, Zelena was jealous at Regina to the point of destruction and Elsa is jealous of Kristoff more so than Anna, but it's the same note just changed in pitch ever so slightly. Kristoff is covering for Anna who has run away to the Mist Haven to find a cure. Oh, by the way, Mist Haven is really the Enchanted Forest. Why? No, seriously, why? Why is the EF now the Mist Haven? We call it the EF, FTL, and now Mist Haven? Are the elves there? Is this where Gandalf and Frodo went at the end of the Return of the King? Yes, yes, I know that is the Grey Havens, but still...bizarrely similar name is bizarrely similar. But back to Anna and her adventure. I'm not thrilled with Anna's characterization. She was too flighty and dumb, which is not how Anna is in the movie. In the movie, Anna is just exited but she's smart and capable. Kristoff was a big pile of gray nothing. His moments with Sven were cute but with Elsa, I couldn't get past the fact that obviously don't like each other.

We're Squatters Now. We Squat.

And now we're back in Storybrooke. And this portion of the show is called: check in the with the ships people care about! I'm not kidding. Most of this was about the various couples circling each other and and going on little side adventures. Charming and Snow appeared for maybe five minutes in total because while they are the original couple on the show, the fandom doesn't really care about them. They aren't flashy enough. You must have flash. Or leather. Or a cross bow. Or be morally reprehensible. Snow and Charming are both heroes. BORING. Neal and Emma are both heroes. BORING. But ooooh, morally corrupt bad guy/girl and a hero? SCORE. I hate this show. Let's just get the shipping nonsense out of the way. Elsa is in town and causes havoc through a giant snowman that had terrible CGI. Though, Marshmallow's CGI wasn't as bad as the fake snow that kept falling around Elsa. That was some truly terrible CGI.

Rumple and Belle are totally cut off from the rest of humanity, in a house that is abandoned. Because breaking and entering is a thing we do now. Wait. What? Doesn't Rumple own most of the property in Storybrooke? What is this very random house that Belle decides they can squat in for their honeymoon? This is illegal. What kind of messed up ---nope. I'm not going to think about it. I'm really not. I'm going to just review the episode and ignore the horrible, terrible message that is love and romance on this show. (Belle breaks the law now! Cause love! Sorry....had to). Rumple is feeling guilty over killing Zelena so he switches the daggers again. Which totally makes up for lying to Belle and killing Zelena in the first place. Except...not. It does not. This is not the right thing. This is wrong. You need to tell Belle what you did and then face the consequences. But then I suppose the writers want me to ignore this glaring moral dilemma because I got my Rumbelle dance scene. I have wanted this scene since season one. I have prayed for it. And it's rather ruined by Rumple and his lying and his manipulation and his general addiction to magic. Just like their wedding was ruined by the stupid Hook and Emma nonsense. Whatever. They dance and have sex. All is happy in Rumbelle land (except not, and I'll get to that later).

Can I skip all the nonsense that is Outlaw Queen? I really don't care for this ship and I am 100% over love triangles; I'm really over shipping in general for ONCE but we are Once Upon a Ship now. So, turns out, Sydney, has been locked up in in a psych ward all this time. No one let him out. No one. That's cruel and unusual punishment. And now Regina needs her mirror, so she goes to let him out only to put him inside his mirror while he screams and pleads. Wow. Character development, GONE. Regina wants The Mirror's help to take down Marian so that Regina can have her happy ending. Of course, Regina's plans change when she feels guilty and ends up saving Marian from the giant snowman. Because character development should be as uneven and bipolar as possible. I rolled my eyes so hard at Regina's back and forth. It's just like in season two when Cora managed to make her evil again with just a whisper. I am over Regina on the whole, though. I've come to realize that the more I watch, the less I like her. Ah well. In the end, Regina's plans become something a bit unexpected: she wants to find the author of the book and force the writer to make a happy ending for the villains. Which is...odd. Not odd in the sense that it doesn't fit with the universe--it actually is a nice tie back to the first season--but rather it's odd that this is coming up now. I won't lie; it feels very final season. Figuring out who the author is, making all the villains get their happy ending, is very "tie everything together with a nice big bow and give it to the audience for one last hurrah." I'm beginning to suspect that this might the final season (thank God). Rumbelle married, author of the book found, happy endings for the villains....the writing, it's on the wall, kids.

If you think I'm going to talk about Captain Swan, then you're an idiot. They don't exist. Emma is now Pod! Emma and Hook...is literally not on my screen. Ever. He doesn't speak or move or think. He is just a thing that people think is there only he's not. Got it? Good. Look, Rumple has a hat! It's glowing. Will he smoke it (Grimm joke). It has...the universe inside it. Sure. It's clearly the hat from the Sorcerer's Apprentice and I bet you anything, it ties into the book. Walt Disney wrote the book, didn't he? That's where this is going. The ultimate fanwank for Adam and Eddy. They have Disney-i-fied their entire show and now Walt himself wrote the book that started Henry's journey. Maybe they'll get Tom Hanks to play Walt since he just did it so well in Saving Mr. Banks. Again, this feels like final season stuff, but I have a early seasonal issue: why is the hat in this house? It was in Rumple's castle meaning it should be in the pawn shop. We saw the hat in Skin Deep (trust me, I know my Skin Deep), so how is it here? And why? And do I really care? Probably not. So Regina is looking for the author of the book, Rumple will continue to be addicted to magic, Snow is a wallflower who only gets so speak when spoken to, Charming is making really inappropriate jokes, Emma is a pod, Hook...continues to not exist. And Hen--what's his name? Harry? Harrison? Henry! That's it! I don't know what he's going to do but he'll somehow get hurt or injured or captured. It is know. Welcome back, Once Upon A Time. I wish I was glad to see you.

Miscellaneous Notes on A Tale of Two Sisters

--Ok, so I avoided talking about the Rumple scene in which he talks to Neal's grave. I did this for a reason, namely...I don't know how I feel about it. On the one hand, it was nice to see Rumple finally acknowledge that he lost his son. On the other hand, it felt very random and out of place. Like the writers knew how upset we were by it and decided to respond with this scene. And I can't help but be angry at some of what Rumple said. He killed Zelena to avenge Neal but that is obviously NOT what Neal would have wanted. It also felt very selfish: the entire speech was about Rumple and his feelings about what he must do now to press onward, not about Neal himself. I don't know. It doesn't sit well with me at the end of the day.

--"There is no frosting."

--"She was going to die anyway, what did it matter?" Dear God. This is why you don't get a happy ending, Regina. 

--Sven was really cute. I like him. Let's keep him.

--I almost threw my TV out the window because of Adam and Eddy's line that came from Charming: "maybe we should have named him [the baby] Baelfire." Shut up, writers. Just take the flack from the audience that 90% of us are livid that Snowing named their baby Neal.

--Robin only staying with Marian because he made a vow is ludicrous. This is Robin Hood and Maid Marian. They are epic true love. Marian is not just the ball and chain. 

      

In Which I Review Doctor Who (8x6)

O brave new world! That has such people in it! 
--The Tempest
 This weeks episode, "The Caretaker," has a bit of a Tempest-like feel to it. A normal mortal (Danny) stumbles into a magical world of magicians and monsters and in the process finds someone to love. Now, unlike Ferdinand and Miranda, Clara and Danny have known each other for longer than a few days and are obviously quite in love. Much to the Doctor's dismay. I talked about this last week in my review of "Time Heist." The Doctor seems to have a bit of back and forth when it comes to his relationship with Clara Oswald. He insults her like a brother or best friend (his insults feel exactly how my best friend and I talk to each other), but sometimes he also acts like a jealous lover who doesn't want to share Clara. In the season premiere, the Doctor said that he wasn't Clara's boyfriend so why is he acting like someone who's favorite toy is about to be taken away? And then Danny inadvertently stumbled into the answer: because the Doctor is Clara's space dad. The Doctor is Prospero and he can wave his magic stick and curse you or bless you and his obsession with Clara stems from how un-romanticaly those two are wrapped up in each other as family, alone on their island, avoiding the real. This episode was very much about relationships and how these three people--Danny, Clara, and the Doctor--will all relate to each other. Can Clara have it all? 

Let's talk about these various relationships. I want to start with the most obvious and easy to discuss: Clara and Danny. I don't know how long it has been since they began dating, but things are obviously going swimmingly. Except, Clara is keeping a massive secret from Danny, namely her double life as a time traveling, space venturing lady who sometimes finds herself in really dangerous situations. Up until now, Danny hasn't seemed too concerned about Clara's vanishing and weird acts. She's quirky! Clara is obviously trying to have both lives, much like Amy before her. Side note, but this is something that is really bothering me: companions are supposed to LIVE with the Doctor. They have their own room and bunk and they travel with the Doctor, occasionally stopping at home for laundry. This is nothing against Clara because Amy and Rory did it too at the end of Season Seven. But it's not how companions are supposed to function. I know we live in a world where woman are in the workforce and can't take massive time off but...he has a time machine.... Anyway, it bothers me since Moffat appears determined to erase certain aspects of the past. Back to Clara and Danny. Is there a ship name for them? Should there be? PinkGirl? Danny's a good guy; he served his country, he is kind to his students, he and Clara have a good time together, and he's obviously very protective of Clara. I loved the part at the end in which Danny makes Clara promise that she'll tell him if the Doctor pushes her too far. He's looking out for her. It's sweet in a pre-21st century per-feminist way because it was also total emotional blackmail when this declaration is followed up by "or I'll leave you." I'll let it slide because I think this is how Clara is going to get out of the TARDIS: the Doctor goes too far and Danny pulls Clara out. I don't know if I see the relationship between The Doctor and Clara ending well; had this been the 11th Doctor, then yes. But 12 is so different, so acerbic and coarse. He rebuffs all attempts at affection but if there is a giant take away from this episode, it's that he deeply cares for and loves Clara. If Clara and Danny decide that the Doctor has gone too far in his treatment of Clara or he has put her in danger one too many times, The Doctor--THIS Doctor--isn't going to take that lying down.

So how about the Doctor and Clara? The Doctor goes deep undercover--which means he puts on a different coat--at Clara's school. There's a giant machine that kills people, but honestly that's the least interesting and least important part of this week. When the Doctor thinks that Clara is dating someone with an uncanny resemblance to Matt Smith (bow tie and all), he's fine with it. This is a proper chap, an English teacher, and Clara is using him as a substitute for the Doctor. And this is where I have trouble. The Doctor shouldn't find this flattering because his relationship with Clara isn't that of lovers. It's father and daughter, or maybe even more accurately...it's the Doctor and Susan. For those not in the know: Susan Foreman was the 1st Doctor's granddaughter who traveled with him for some time in the first few seasons. Clara is a Susan stand-in. Think about it: she's young, idealistic, she was incredibly weepy until Moffat changed her characterization around. She teachers at Coal Hill, where Susan went to school. And now what is happening? Clara has fallen in love with Danny Pink, a former fighter. Susan fell in love with DAVID Campbell, a 22nd century freedom fighter. The Doctor eventually leaves Susan to be with David in a very teary goodbye. And here's Clara who wants to be back on time for dates with Danny. I think, subconsciously, the Doctor sees this as being Susan 2.0 and so he's hanging on for dear life, which for the 12th Doctor means being verbally cruel. He's in dad/grandad mode when he realizes that Clara is not dating the nice foppish English teacher, but a soldier who teaches Physical Education (which Danny does not) which makes him not good enough for Clara. On the one hand, it speaks to how The Doctor views Clara--she's special, she's talented, she's smart and she needs someone who is good enough. But he's so possessive and protective that even when Clara declares that she loves Danny, The Doctor is affronted by such a suggestion: "how can you date a PE teacher? You've made a boyfriend error. How can you date a soldier?" And even after Clara explains everything to Danny, the Doctor's response is, "you've explained me to Danny, but you haven't explained Danny to me." But, does Clara owe the Doctor that? Yes, The Doctor has shown Clara wonders but he is not actually her father or grandfather. He doesn't require an explanation into Clara's personal life.

Which brings us to Danny and the Doctor. I have a general issue: the Doctor hates soldiers. Now, on some level, I get why. The Doctor is a soldier; he was a Warrior for one iteration. He's soaked in blood and he's no longer running from it or forgetting it. So he sees others like him and hates them for being a reminder of what he is. I get that. It's a narrative thing. HOWEVER, I think Moffat is forgetting that the Brigadier was once the Doctor's best friend. The Doctor didn't particularly like working with UNIT, but he did it when needed and tried to curb their homicidal tendencies. But this absolute abhorrence to all soldiers is a bit extreme. So why doesn't he like Danny? Well, the Doctor may actually like him. Or he may hate him. It doesn't matter; The Doctor only needs Danny to be one thing: good enough. And it isn't until the end of the episode that the Doctor thinks Danny might just be. He's open to it, just like Propsero eventually concedes that Miranda and Ferdinand love one another. But I don't think the Doctor is ever going be open to Danny fully; he'll gladly hate him the second Danny disappoints. This is a pretty big change from past Doctors. 10 liked Mickey well enough even though he was in love with Rose; 11 liked Rory quite a bit. But 12 is just not thrilled at "his" Clara being taken away.

This is a very plot-lite episode. It's our standard "the Doctor tries to be human but fails miserably." Though, to be fair, he's better at it than 11 ever was. One of the problems I'm having is that, so far, there are no stand out episodes. There are episodes that made me laugh (Robots of Sherwood), episodes that made me think (Listen) and episodes I didn't like (Time Heist). But there are no episodes that become instant classics of that Doctor--Blink, Midnight, The Lodger, The Doctor's Wife being examples of such instant classics. So far, the 12th Doctor hasn't had one. The episodes are decent but nothing stellar. Capaldi is doing great work but the writing isn't quite up to snuff. Also, wherever this Missy and Paradise story is going, I wish it would get there faster. It's a lot of teasing but no real building the mystery. I'm kind of over this heaven and death thing. So far humans from the future, robots, and humans from present day have landed in Paradise but not everyone was affected by the Doctor. The cop from this episode never even met the Doctor. Hopefully this plot begins to pick up steam soon.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Caretaker

--Smattering of funnies:
"Why do you have two jackets? Is one of them faulty?
"Why are you being nice?" "Cause it works on you."
"I hate you!" "That's fine. That's a perfectly normal reaction."
"Why do I keep you around?" "Cause the alternative would be developing a conscience of your own."

--I have a lot of issues that they spent an entire episode at Coal Hill and there was not one reference to Ian or Barbara or Susan.

--Is Clara allowed to wear short shorts with tights as a teacher?

--"You want to know what's inside the box? I'll tell you what's inside the box! It's a time machine. It also travels in space. And it usually contains a man who just wants to get on with his work of preventing the end of the world, but keeps being interrupted by BORING little humans." This is all of Doctor Who summed up in a few sentences.