In Which I Review Dracula (1x8)

Do the characters on this show think things through? Is logic something that has vanished from the Dracula world? Bad decision after bad decision followed by yet another horrible decision. This weeks episode, "Come to Die," is really a filler piece in which couples break up, new couples are formed, and the writers try to push the characters into their final emotional upheaval before the end of the season/series. Side note but what a stupid title. Was it supposed to be menacing and scary? Was it supposed to illicit danger? Cause this episode was really just an exercise in sex and romance.

In all honesty, I have a lot of notes but most of it is laughter in written text. Lots of "omg! touching!" Dracula is still stalking Mina; Mina admits she is drawn to Dracula; Harker is more worried about himself; Lucy tries to seduce Harker only to have Harker run away; and Lady Ninja breaks up with Dracula because he is obviously in love with Mina. It was the dance/sex that gave it away. Gee, you think?

Let's just go one by one because honestly there isn't a whole lot to say. We did get a glimpse into pre-Dracula's love Eiona (I think I've been calling her Elosha). Surprise, surprise, the entire romance of Vlad and Eiona was one giant romp in the hay. They didn't even speak. They just looked sexily at each other before the soldiers burst in to take Vlad away. Trying to draw from history, the order moved against Vlad for his crimes (erm) and horrendous actions against the Turks. Well. Ok. Sure. But no. Anyway, that's why the Order turned him into a vampire. Because how do you solve the problem of a megalomaniac with a penchant for putting heads on pikes? TURN HIM INTO AN IMMORTAL MONSTER OF NIGHT OF COURSE! And then seal all records so that the Order can never learn about him. Which makes about as much as anything else on this show. No, really. Try. Try to explain to me why the Order turned him into a Vampire and then covered it all up so that everyone in the present day Order of the Dragon thinks Dracula/Vlad the Impaler is a myth. Go ahead. I'll wait.

In the present day Mina can't escape the draw of Dracula and his dance/sex. She admits to her father (who is now present for some reason when he wasn't before) that she is having second thoughts about Harker. But then Harker shows up and tells Mina that Grayson is a fraud who is manipulating everyone. And because Mina is SUPER SMART she goes to confront Dracula and they have a fight. Oh angst! The fight with Mina causes Dracula to loose his cool and scream and rage and attack Renfield. Dude, I know that you're upset cause your main squeeze is all huffy with you this week but you can't go around hurting Renfield. Renfield is like your lobster. You can't hurt your lobster. In an effort to apologize to Mina, Dracula goes to talk to her only to find her under attack by thugs. This is for some reason that I think was actually explained but I was too busy looking away from Dracula ripping off limbs and tearing out throats. I asked for more violence from the King of Vampires and I finally got it. Too bad it wasn't to feed but save his precious Mina from getting her face burned off with acid. And because Dracula is just the smartest cookie EVER, he places the dead attackers on pikes in front of the Order's house.

Jane has come into some very important information. Or rather, it'd be important if this show could remember that it's supposed to be about vampires and not ALL THE SHIPS. Going out in her very Victorian (sarcasm) vampire hunting leathers, Jane learns that Dracula is indeed real/alive and in London making vampires who bend to his every whim. The Order is very alarmed by this, so they spend the whole episode doing nothing. Because by alarmed, I meant that they think Dracula is a myth and Lady Jane is wrong. Why would you doubt Lady Jane!? She clearly has a head for vampires. I mean, she has been sleeping with one since the pilot. Lady Jane knows her vampires. But in the midst of hunting Dracula, Jane breaks up with Alexander Grayson who is totally devastated. LOL. No, he's not. He won and he bested her and now he can go back to stalking Mina 24/7.

In another corner of the world, Lucy tries her hardest to seduce Harker who manages to hold out until he commits murder. Yes, you read that right. How did this occur? Through a long winding road that makes very little sense. Short version: Harker learned that Dracula has been playing him; Lord L's father (old guy in stuffy suits) learned that Mina is whom Alexander Grayson loves most in the world and sent mercenaries after her; Dracula saves Mina; Harker learns that it was Lord L's father and goes after him. Once Harker gets to Lord L's father's it is revealed that Dracula has an obsession with Mina and Harker, in a fit of rage and idiocy, shoots Lord L's father. And then, because Harker has proved himself a sensible fellow, goes to Lucy's where they do the horizontal hustle. Lucy was thrilled about this (no she wasn't but that was the plan all along). Meanwhile, while Lucy and Harker (StiffVixen) were having le sexy times, Dracula sits beside an unconscious Mina and tells her "I belong to you and you belong to me." Oh very romantic. (Sarcasm)

Miscellaneous Notes on Come to Die

--Ok, it was an appalling episode. And maybe the best one yet. I'm into this show for it's utter horridness. It's truly terrible. Keep it coming, Dracula

--Van Helsing kidnapped little kids. Good move.

--Apparently Jane's boss (whom I've been calling Monty) is the Dragon's Head.

--Something is happening with Dracula's company. I think. I'm not sure. I don't think I care either.

In Which I Review Intelligence (1x1)

When it comes to deciding what new TV show to watch, you can't go wrong with sticking to actors you've enjoyed in the past. When Intelligence was announced, I wasn't necessarily drawn to the actual plot of the show so much as I really like the two lead actors. Josh Holloway is forever cemented in my head as the sarcastic bad-boy-with-the-heart-of-gold con man James "Sawyer" Ford on LOST, one of the shows that changed the whole way I view TV.  Meghan Ory played Little Red Riding Hood (and the wolf!)/Ruby on Once Upon a Time for the first two seasons. Both are good actors who have given me "TV happiness" in the past, so I figured Intelligence was at least worth a peek. 
Sadly, even Holloway and Ory can't save this show. It is essentially a "Frankenstein" type premise about a new type of human entering our world and having to deal with a world that hasn't changed, but rather he has. It's nothing new or unique; in fact, NBC had a much more successful attempt at this concept with Chuck a few years back. Let's break it down. 

Gabriel Vaughn 
Short version: secret agent man with computer in his head.
Long version: Gabriel is "a gift;" a man with a rare genetic mutation that made him perfect for a new experiment, Vaughn is a veteran of the Afghanistan/Iran conflict. He is already a fantastic solider, even if he's uncooperative, insubordinate, sarcastic, myopic and unbearable. So, he's Sawyer but with a new haircut. It's not really Josh Hollway's fault; that's the price of being part of the one of the most significant shows in the past 10 years. Sawyer was so well crafted and portrayed that TV execs would be simpletons to not try and recreate him. But while Gabriel was unlocking doors with his brain and beating Chinese enemies to a pulp, all I could think of was how much better it would come across if his shirt was off and there was a black smoke monster chasing him. And, as is now required in dramas such as this, the cold exterior belies a wounded soul. Gabriel lost his wife Emelia recently; the official line on Emelia is that she was an enemy of the state and died in an attack she was meant to stop but turned traitor. Of course, this is probably all hogwash and Emelia is most likely alive and never intended to betray anyone. It's all very predictable.

Gabriel, after loosing his wife, underwent the "Clockwork" trials which is described as "the Manhattan project for the 21st Century." In other words, he's the newest most deadly weapon the USA possess. Because of his rare genetic mutation, Gabriel was able to undergo surgery and have a computer chip implanted in his brain. This chip allows him to access all wireless telecommunications and process it like a computer. He can sense technology and "read" it before anyone else. He can also use that technology to his own advantage: like unlocking private files, manipulating locks, and setting up "crime boards" that only he can see that allow him to analyze crime scenes like a giant computer but the with the advantage of having a soldier/cop instincts. It's nothing new. All the cops and forensic analysts in TV are supremely smart, without having chips in their head. The major selling point for the show to advertisers isn't "another cop procedural" it's "look how hot Josh Holloway is!" I foresee a lot of brooding stares into the distance in the future of this show.

Riley Neal

Ory plays Riley Neal, secret service agent wunderkind. A loyal, brave, protector who has recently received accommodation from the President for protecting his children, she was hand selected for the job of protecting Gabriel. And of course, Gabriel wants nothing to do with her; he doesn't need protecting and he certainly doesn't need some this girl to do it. He is however at least moderately intrigued by her. Gabriel's chip allows him to "read"people, meaning that just by looking at you, he can download all your personal history and know everything about you. I have no idea how as people are not wireless machines. Anyway, turns out Riley has a sealed juvenile record. It takes the whole episode but the bonding moment between the Gabriel and Riley comes when Riley finally tells him what the record was: she killed her abusive step father.
It was at this point that I actually wrote OMG, she's KATE. Did they try and get Evangiline Lily but found her too busy with shooting the Hobbit 2? Ory even looks like Kate from LOST. The writers have tried to recreate Skate from LOST but with the added "cop drama" twist that is neither new nor interesting. I can't get a read on Ory's character, Riley. She's exactly what you expect her to be. Snarky and won't take any of Gabriel's lip but is also uniquely qualified for this job, reluctant at first but agrees in the end to babysit. There is also a lack of chemistry between Gabriel and Riley, which is surprising given that both actors ooze sexuality in their own right.

There are some more minor characters such as Lillian Strand, head of the service that has Gabriel under their wing. I really have no idea which intelligence service. Was it left vague? Did I miss that part of the show? Mostly, Strand's main role in the pilot was as "exposition lady." She gives Riley the background on the Clockwork project and on Gabriel himself. But outside of that, she did very little in the action portions of the show. Most likely, Strand has some sort of unique background or story--there was mention of a father who is brought up without needing to be explained meaning that he is someone everyone just knows. Her combative relationship with Gabriel is better than Riley's with Gabriel. There is at least some spark with Strand/Gabriel.

There is also Dr. Shenandoah Cassidy (yes, really) who is the creator of the computer chip that Gabriel has in his head. He is like a father figure to Gabriel which means that Gabe has no family of his own. Naturally. The broody sulky broken soldier can't have a happy family, goes against the trope! Cassidy's main role in the episode was to be kidnapped and forced to operate on a Chinese agent, implanting a second chip to make her into a super solider. The Chinese didn't think it worked, but of course it really did, as the last few seconds of the show demonstrated (that was supposed to be the big "hook" for the show but it was flat as it was way too predictable.) I suspect Dr. Cassidy will be kidnapped at regular intervals both to prove just how valuable Gabe's chip is and to further the story of Gabe and Cassidy.

Overall Grade: C-
Skip it. 

I'm sorry to say but the only thing I can recommend about this show are the graphics, which were very good. The storyline is nothing new but rather full of familiar TV tropes that just has a new hot male lead who will be popular with the female viewers. I won't be watching the show after this one. It was lazy, sleepy, and the whole time I was looking at the clock wondering how much time it had left. Josh Holloway's return to TV isn't long for this world and looks like Ory really did get royally screwed by the ONCE execs who let her go after making her a series regular. I had hoped this show would be successful enough to justify what Adam and Eddy did to Ory, but I don't think it's meant to be.

In Which I Review Sherlock (3x2)

I'll say this for Sherlock: the writers sure do know how to break a fandom. After this week's episode, "The Sign of Three" I have to wonder if the writers secretly sit on Tumblr and read fanfic at AO3 and that's how they come up with their scripts. The episode was, essentially, a love letter to the internet culture fandom and to the JohnLock shippers, of whom there are many. MANY. It's the wedding day of John and Mary and Sherlock is tasked with his most important and difficult task yet: delivering the best man speech at John's ceremony. He can fight criminals and solve murders and outsmart everyone else in the room, but ask him to speak in public about his only friend and Sherlock becomes a socially awkward stutterer incapable of forming a single thought. And of course, he somehow manages to insult everyone. But under the exterior is a man who, I think, has a very big heart. Especially when it comes to his best friend. 

I want to start this review with some negatives. If you're not a die hard fangirl/boy of the show, meaning you have no idea what JohnLock is and you've never ventured into the wilds that is Tumblr, then this episode probably felt disjointed and unfocused. I'm having a hard time deciding if this was a good Sherlock episode when compared to others. When it comes to a typical episode, there are certain things you expect: an intricately woven crime plot, Sherlock being unbearable, John being compassionate, and a sense of awe at everything that happens. If that is the grading rubric, then this episode only met a few criteria. For one, the crime plot of someone trying to murder John's former commanding officer, Major Sholto, was almost too bizarre and intricate to follow properly. It involved several unsolved mysteries, a lot of flashbacks, and sweeping scenes of Benedict Cumberbatch making Sherlock almost manic in his final attempts to solve the crime (while delivering a best man speech). For the second episode in a row, the main crime drama takes a back seat to the relationship of John and Sherlock. If you think about the series opener 2 years ago, "A Study in Pink," and compare it to season three so far, I think it's fair to say that the actual mysteries that Doyle wrote aren't as tight in the modern adaption anymore. I saw a lot of jokes yesterday on Tumblr and Twitter that this episode was written by the fans. And I think, knowing realistically that it was penned by real writers, that joke might have some merit to it. But does that make the episode good or bad? It's a tough call. As a die hard fangirl who ships JohnLock (in a non-romantic soul mate kind of way) I was thrilled to the point of tears and ecstasy. But the television lover who enjoyed Sherlock first and foremost for the plot was confused and underwhelmed.

However, a fangirl I am and because of that, most of this review will be me gushing over how much Sherlock loves John. Let's talk about Sherlock himself for a second. He is, as he tells us frequently, a high functioning sociopath. He is cold and calculating and could probably figure out a way to murder you and get away with it. He toys with people and with words. Prior to meeting John, he literally had no concept of affection for others. Other humans bother him because they are all so very stupid. He has no issue tearing down people to their face--pointing out their flaws--because it never occurs to him that he is being rude or hurtful. Sherlock cannot conceive of being someone's best friend because he doesn't understand what friendship even means. So when John asks Sherlock to be his best man because he is one of the two people John loves most in this world (cue freak out #1), Sherlock literally doesn't understand. It simply does not compute in his brain that anyone could have any sort of affection for him because he has no affection for anyone in return. The best mans speech, which comprises most of the episode itself, is a series of flashbacks to John and Sherlock solving cases and being together in the weeks and months leading up the wedding. The first one finds John sitting in Sherlock's kitchen at 221B Baker Street trying very hard to ask Sherlock to be his best man. This flashback is maybe one of the most touching moments on the show (and the fact that the internet is still standing is a miracle because I'm fairly certain that we broke Tumblr last night). Once Sherlock finally realizes what John is asking he goes catatonic for the longest time while his super human brain tries to process that someone could love him. When he finally snaps out of it, his only question is "you mean I'm your best friend?" John smiles slightly and says, "Course. Yes of course you are. You're my best friend."

In the present day, back at the wedding, as Sherlock is telling this part of the story, John gets emotional and asks Mary to hold him back if he tries to hug Sherlock to which Mary replies, "absolutely not." Oh, I like her. I like her a lot. Sherlock is finally able to articulate his feelings to John in that moment and (cue freak out #2) says: "So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anyone's best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest, kindest, and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. Today you are sitting between the woman you love and the man you saved. In short, the two people who love you most in the all the world." And then IT happened. THEY HUGGED. John gets up and they hug. And the fandom DIED. I'm not kidding. My Twitter was full of nothing but loud screaming and internet-speak freakout. For myself, I went running downstairs to my mom to announce that they had hugged, something that failed to impress her as she has never seen the show. Three years the Sherlockians been waiting for a JohnLock hug. Why is it such a big deal? Because of who Sherlock is. He is not one who demonstrates affection. It doesn't jive with him. The one time he was really at a loss for words was when Irene Adler tried to seduce him by being stark naked. When Lestrade hugged Sherlock in last weeks episode, he groaned and tried to fight it off. Sherlock and Mycroft have never even shook hands so far as I can remember. And there is John, his soul mate, wrapping his arms around him in an effort to show love--plain and simple agape. And the best part: Sherlock accepts and gives it back.

A lot of this episode dealt with how life may or may not change for John and Sherlock once John and Mary are hitched. It's a thing that does happen: couple gets married, couple does couple things with other couples and the BFF of yesteryear is forgotten. Sherlock, having been alone his whole life, is suddenly faced with the real possibility that he may loose the only person who has ever meant anything to him and is terrified, to the point of looking up how to fold origami swans on YouTube. And this is why I think I love Mary so much. She doesn't want to break up JohnLock. In fact, I think she sorta loves Sherlock as an awkward older brother. Mary begins to send them both out on cases, claiming that she is doing it for the other. She tells Sherlock to get John out of the house because he is a nightmare with wedding planning, and she tells John to get Sherlock out of the house to prove that nothing between them will change. We learn a bit more about Mary this episode. Her family is gone but we don't know how but I suspect it has something to do with out big bad, Magnussen. During the "telegraph readings" (British people have cute traditions), Mary gets one from CAM--Charles Augustus Magnussen--and she looks terrified for just the briefest second. How do they know each other? Did Magnussen kill her family? I really need Mary to not be evil. It would break both John and Sherlock's heart because Sherlock has really taken a shine to her.

The second part of the non-crime related flashback is John's stag night which Sherlock has carefully planned so that they get pleasantly buzzed but not drunk. Yeah, that didn't work. They end up totally wasted, lying on Baker Street's steps talking about Sherlock's reputation before moving on to play drinking games. Drunk Sherlock is my new favorite thing. There were so many great quotes and moments from this flashback that I simply can't do them justice here. And of course, at that moment, a client comes and wants their help with a case. So drunk John and Sherlock run off to her apartment to investigate a ghost but are far too drunk to solve anything. Sherlock's brain, which normally analyzes everything, can only spew dribble like "sleeeeeeeeeep" and calling a chair a "sitty down thing." They end up in jail much to Lestrade's delight. Back in the present day wedding, as Sherlock is telling this story, he gets emotional one more time and tells everyone that "this man saved my life so many times and in so many ways." (freak out #3) The best man's speech is interrupted by the crime drama catching up to the present day action and once more Sherlock and John work together to catch a killer. It wasn't the best crime plot they've ever done and mostly I just wanted to get back to JohnLock.


The final moments, once the perpetrator is arrested, finds Sherlock playing his violin for Mary and John as they share their first waltz as a married couple before giving them one more moment: he tells Mary that she is pregnant. It's a shocking moment for John and Mary but once they recover, John and Sherlock are ecstatic for each other. Sherlock tells them that they are already fantastic parents and they'll "hardly need me around when you have a real baby" to which many smiles are given. Sherlock doesn't make vows normally so he gives his first and last vow here: "no matter what it takes, I will always be there for all three of you." (freak out #4) Uncle Sherlock already loves this baby. The one thing that does worry me was Mary's reaction. She seemed both happy but scared, not totally out of the ordinary but with next week being the season finale and Magnaussen taking center stage, I'm worried for Mary and her baby. And to add fuel to this fire, the final episode of the season is called "His Last Vow." Interpret what you will, but I think next week is going to be a roller coaster for all involved. Sherlock leaves the wedding early, as Mary and John celebrate. What does that mean? It's hard to know. On the one hand, Sherlock isn't a party person. He isn't comfortable around others. But at the same time, on the other hand, it might signal that despite promises, things do change. Life will be different for JohnLock.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Sign Of Three

--A random smattering of excellent quotes:
--"They're right. You're a psychopath." "A high functioning sociopath. With your telephone number."
"I learned it on YouTube..."
"Two people changed my life. Mary and---"
"NURSE?!"
"Am I the current King of England?"
"Am I a pretty lady?"
"The game is...something." "On?" "Yeah. That."
"He's clueing for looks."
"John Watson, you keep me right."
"You're not a puzzle solver. You're a drama queen."
"I love dancing."

--Sherlock did a little ballerina dance. And perfectly too.

--The main crime was just too complicated for me to get into properly. A dead guard, a mayfly man, and a disgraced major in the army. It might take one or two more watches to really get it.

--I feel really bad for Molly. Despite being engaged to Tom, she is clearly still in love with Sherlock. Now SherLolly is a romantic ship I can get behind.

--Random appearance of "the woman" Irene Adler. Naked, of course.

--One more episode. How is that possible? Will it return? No one is really sure. It's one of the BBC's highest rated shows but Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are becoming Hollywood elite. Would they stick around? Hard to say.

In Which I Review Dracula (1x7)

Readers, how much would you judge me for admitting to have missed this show? 
Not because it's an magnificantly constructed medium of art or because the plot is pitch perfect. I don't think I actually know what is going on within the show itself. There are plots and random people who appear out of nowhere. No,  but because of the absolute absurdity that only seems to grow with each passing episode. I could care less what is happening plot wise: lights, coolant, magic, mysterious pictures, white aristocratic male orders of doom...who cares? I'm in it for the crazy relationships. Over the break my friend and I continued to speculate about "who would get Mina?" Would Jonathan keep his fiancee? Would Lucy manage to convert Mina? Would Dracula finally get more than long looks and dance/sex? This weeks episode, "Servant to Two Masters" dealt with our characters having to decide between two forces, both of which are appealing in their own right but always one more outweighing the other. Oh, and there was a lot of sexing. Bonus! 

 Dracula is a stalker. Like a creepy has-your-exact-schedule-memorized type of stalker. Now that he can be out in the sunlight (for about four hours at a time), Dracula is spending all his time following Mina around, "bumping" into her in the park. How sweet! (Note: sweet is not an adjective I should be using to describe the King of Vampires.) And Mina doesn't seem to mind. After the dance/sex at the engagement party, Mina is much more accomadating to Dracula's presence, going so far as to listen to his suggestions about dealing with mental patients. Dancing. It's the key to everything. (sex alert! sex alert!) Dracula's two masters are pretty obvious: his need for blood and gore as a vampire and his desire to not be an abomination and be a man again. Dracula is going cold turkey (because that's exactly what Bram Stoker had in mind when he wrote the novel.) No blood, no feasting: "I will live as a man or not at all." And thus Dracula has developed the shakes and cold sweats, something everyone notices. He is trying to serve the master of his choice, humanity, but he is a vampire after all and it's not long before he is covered in blood, having feasted on a poor policeman who made the mistake of getting in Dracula's way.

And then there is Mina. Poor simpering stupid Mina who probably couldn't make a decision to save her life. Remember the last time we saw her, she was disrobing and doing the horizontal hustle with Harker, her fiance. And yet she spends the whole episode as the object of Dracula's long stares and wooing and seems absolutely fine with it. I'm sure I'm supposed to infer that this is because "Macula" is true love and they are each others soul mates and it's destiny and something else trite but I'm too busy laughing at how Mina runs from one person to the next. I hope Dracula, Harker and Lucy get together and decide to have an orgy between themselves, leaving out Mina because they've realized how much of a tease she is. Mina's two masters are fairly obvious: the proper life she is supposed to want with Harker who is becoming increasingly distant and absent as he gets wrapped into the Order's world, and Dracula himself, the sexy smoldering bad boy who...dances...well. Of course Mina and Dracula end up dancing again this episode. And this time by themselves, no witnesses (except for Mina's father who simply walk off, undisturbed). And Dracula, who has been abstaining from blood is sorely tempted to turn Mina then and there. His fangs keep popping out (Metaphor alert! Sex alert!) But even Dracula can't be loyal to Mina when his desires begin running. Dracula too often finds himself courting Ninja Lady, advising her, and having sexy time with her. When Mina does realize who she really is (as we know she must) what will she think of Dracula's time with Ninja? And what will Dracula think of Mina's exploits with Harker?

Speaking of Harker and Ninja, our Lady Jane has quite the idiotic cunning plan to ensure that Mina stays away from Dracula (except that it's completely nonsensical.) Lucy, distraught over Mina's rejection of her, comes running to Ninja only to have Ninja instruct her in the art of seduction--to seduce Harker. Yes, you read that right. Not to seduce Mina, but to seduce Harker. The lessons of seduction include touching, patting, long looks, and licking. Yes, licking. There was actual face licking between Lucy and Jane. It led to a passionate kiss, but first there was licking. And if you listen carefully, you can hear me dying of laughter. Why does Jane think this is a good plan? Think about it: Harker hooks up with Lucy; Mina finds out and leaves Harker. Where would she go? To whom would she turn? Dracula obviously! Jane, why do you think this plan will keep Dracula and Mina apart? I think your corset is too tight and blood is draining from your bleached head. And of course Jane continues to live in la-la land about Dracula: he's out in the daylight so he can't be a vampire. And he bought her roses so it must be true love!

Lucy, of course, wastes no time putting Lady Jane's lessons into practice on Harker. And it was hysterical. First, how did Lucy even get invited to Harker's pants fitting? "Oh Jonathan, I simply must go along with you to watch you try on pants?" And then, when the opportunity arises (pun intended) Lucy finds herself on her keens in front of him, coping a feel, running her hands up and down his legs, pretending to measure him (sex alert!) I've decided Harker and Lucy will be called StiffVixen. Harker just stands there and watches her, obviously enjoying it. So now we've got Lucy and Harker making eyes at one another, Dracula and Mina having dance/sex, Ninja and Lucy licking one another, and Ninja and Dracula having sex every episode. This is fantastic. Is there a plot happening? I'm sure there is, but honestly who needs plot when you have this menage-a-stupid. Will Harker fall for Lucy's advances? Of course he will. And then poor virginal Lucy will sleep with Harker, Mina will be devastated and Dracula will be there with his popped up fangs (sex alert!)

Miscellaneous Notes on Servant to Two Masters

--As I look over my notes, I think there was an actual plot I was supposed to be following this week. Harker found out Dracula has been playing him for a fool and ends up making a deal with the Order; Renfield goes to Germany to buy a picture of Mina from her former lifer as Elona, wife of Dracula; someone poisons milk and ruins Dracula's magic coolant light show.

--The theme of serving two masters did play out with most of our characters, I must admit. Dracula: blood and Mina; Mina: Harker and Dracula; Ninja: Dracula and the Order;  Lucy: Mina and revenge; Harker: Dracula and the Order. 

--Dracula threatened to kill Van Helsing. Good idea Dracula. TELL the people you plan to kill that you plan to kill them.

--Why did Mina's father not care about the dance/sex? And why is he suddenly around? Where was he when Mina was at opium dens, drinking absinth, and having sex with Harker?

--The dance/sex this time was just as hot. And also awkward with Dracula almost kissing Mina and the fighting the urge to drain her.

--Who is the man in the hat with the marks on his face? (another random character that I couldn't care less about?) Will he want Mina too?

--I think we have 3 or 4 more episodes left of this show. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

In Which I Review Sherlock (3x1)

"He's got on with his life."
"What life? I've been away!" 

2 years have passed since we watched Sherlock Holmes jump from the top of Bart's Medical School and land, head first, on the pavement in front of John Watson. Presumed dead by his loved ones, only the audience watching at home knew that Sherlock had somehow faked his death and was really alive, watching from a distance. Since its inception, the BBC's Sherlock (headed by Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat and writer Mark Gatiss) has become a sensation. Benedict Cumberbatch is the reigning king of Tumblr; JohnLock is one of the most popular non-canon ships in fandom and wool trench coats have made a very serious come back. In the intervening two years, fans have become their very own "Empty Hearse" club, trying to piece together how Sherlock faked his death and, perhaps more importantly, how John Watson would react when Sherlock inevitably came back. In the first episode of the third season, "The Empty Hearse," the next villain is teased, cases are rapidly solved, and John and Sherlock try to reconnect after Sherlock reveals himself to be very much alive. 

Who is Sherlock Holmes without John Watson? It's almost a nonsensical question; the two go together like peanut butter and jelly. They just make more sense combined. For two years, Sherlock has been traveling the globe dismantling Moriarty's criminal network, one by one. In that time only his brother Mycroft, his parents, and coroner Molly Hooper knew that Sherlock was alive. Poor John Watson has been living under a dark cloud of having lost his very best friend, his other half. It has been incredibly hard for John; he has been avoiding former landlady Mrs. Hudson, avoiding 221B Baker Street and has grown a rather sad looking mustache. However, Sherlock doesn't quite "get" this struggling. It never really occurs to him that he hurt John deeply when he jumped to his death two years ago. Sherlock assumes he can just show up at dinner and have John embrace him with open arms and the two can go back to their lives--solving crimes, blogging Sherlock's life, and living their life together. What Sherlock doesn't count on is John's outrage at being lied to.

The reunion between the two was perfect, really spot on. It combined everything I love about the show: it was intricate and fast paced, wonderfully acted, heartbreaking and funny at the same time. Watching Sherlock move through the restaurant, swindling people out of their ties, eyeliner, and menus was a classic Sherlock move. I had to shake my head in amusement that Sherlock thought the best way to reunite with John was with a fake mustache and funny French accent. As Sherlock admits later, he really knows nothing of human nature. And of course, John is in the middle of trying to propose to Mary Cooper, the woman who put him back together after Sherlock left. When the deception is finally lifted, the raw hurt on John's face was devastating. Last season, John stood at Sherlock's grave and begged his best friend for a miracle, to be alive again. And just when John thought he could move on, Sherlock is back in his life. I have to give props to Martin Freeman who has always done John Watson justice but in this episode he really brought the dichotomy of being joyful and hurt at Sherlock's reappearance. Of course the reunion does not go as planned and Sherlock and John proceed to get into a fist fight...three times.

Does it matter how Sherlock faked his death? It's one of the big questions of the episode. I have to wonder if even Moffat and Gatiss know. The episode ran through several scenarios before we got what is probably the answer but left ambiguous enough to make fans crazy. I have to admit, my favorite was that Moriarty and Sherlock were in it together, as lovers. What a nice nod to the internet culture fandom--the Sherlockians--from which several ships have emerged. The short version of "how Sherlock did it" is this: it was an intricate plan that involved a bouncy blue air bag, a corpse, the homeless network, and precision timing. I figured it was something along those lines, though I did not expect a giant blue air bag. However, as Anderson points out, even this story has it flaws and therefore we are left to question whether or not that is how it really happened. The main drive of this episode isn't the "how" or even the "why"--the first is complicated and the second is simple, Sherlock had a mission and couldn't trust John not to say anything. The main drive is how the "why" impacted John and by extension the friendship between the two men. And I think that is what hurts John the most. His best friend, his roommate, his--for wont of a better word--soulmate didn't trust him to tell him that he was not really dead. There are consequences to every action and perhaps Sherlock's consequence is that he looses John.

There is a main crime plot to this episode--a plan to blow up Parliament on Guy Fawkes day--but the drive of the episode is really how John and Sherlock manage to come back together, as we know they must. Apart they make no sense, but together they are extraordinary. It's amazing that the writers kept them apart for most of the episode. Sherlock reopens his business of solving the crimes no one else can, but he is obviously bored without John. He tries to bring Molly along but can't stop hearing John in his head. Molly, despite being adorable and totally in love with Sherlock, can't replace John. And John, watching the clock tick by, deals with patients who have easily solvable medical problems. There is no thrill, no chase. Both of them are bored stiff, especially now that they have been tenuously reunited. Sherlock gave John the rush he craves and John gave Sherlock a sense of belonging. John is more or less forced back into Sherlock's life when he is kidnapped and almost set ablaze. Always in danger are people forced to examine their relationships and forgive. So of course John and Sherlock end up in an underground tube station with a bomb.

The crime plot of this episode was fascinating and fast paced and complicated as all Sherlock plots are and while I have no desire to linger on it for too long, the real meat is in John and Sherlock's interactions, the basic of the plot involve a missing tube carriage, a lot of explosives, and a session of Parliament. John and Sherlock end up alone on the carriage with a ticking bomb and no way out. And there in the final moments before the explosion, Sherlock asks John for his forgiveness--he deeply repents all the pain he has caused John. John is suspicious, as he should be, that his is a trick of Sherlock's to get John to forgive him but the moment still feels real, even though I suspected it was a trick. It doesn't matter what Sherlock did, John loves him and forgives him in the end. Of course, it's a trick and Sherlock turned off the bomb but played it up to make John forgive him. It's a total Sherlock move the only way Sherlock knows how to ask for forgiveness because he is incapable of just coming out and asking, but at least the two are back on speaking terms. The end of the episode has one final touching moment between the two where Sherlock tells John he heard him at the gravestone. And now it's time to move forward; after all, someone out there tried to kill John and Sherlock doesn't like not knowing who.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Empty Hearse

--There was a lot going on this episode that I didn't talk about because the real focus was John and Sherlock. For example: there were several smaller cases that got solved, we met Sherlock and Mycroft's parents, Molly is engaged to an obvious Sherlock look alike.

--John is now engaged to Mary, but I'm not sure if it'll last. In the original books, Mary dies and I suspect that she may not be who she says here. She solved that text code awful fast for a receptionist/nurse. Could she be a spy?

--The villain is Magnussen, if case no one knew. Moriarty may be Sherlock's arch enemy, but Magnussen is the man he hates most. I look forward to see how this plays out

--Have to give a lot of credit to Mark Gatiss who was pulling double duty this episode (he does it a lot come to think of it). He crafted an almost perfect script and was busy playing Mycroft. The scenes between Mycroft and Sherlock, in which they "play" deductions and discuss loneliness, were pitch perfect. Mycroft doesn't know what it means to be lonely because he's never had a friend but Sherlock did and now he's lonely, missing John.

--Thank God John shaved that mustache; it was pretty horrible.

--Lestrade hugged Sherlock. Adorable. 

--I really wanted a JohnLock hug! Hopefully before the end of the season we get one.

In Which I Review the Doctor Who Christmas Special (7x15)

Everything ends....

It's never easy to lose a Doctor. We welcome them into our homes, we memorize their catchphrases, their pain is our pain. So when it's time for their regeneration, the viewer often feels as though they are losing a dear friend, never to be seen again. When the 10th Doctor regenerated, I thought my heart would break into a thousand pieces. I almost quit watching Doctor Who altogether. I couldn't stomach the idea of another man in the TARDIS, fiddling with the controllers, waving the sonic about, and not be 10. I was very hesitant about Matt Smith when he first appeared. He was young and his version of the Doctor was eclectic and strange and fast talking. He wore bow ties and fezes and was incredibly alien. But by the end of the fifth season, when the Doctor stood at Stonehenge talking to the universe and all its creations, I knew that I was slowly falling in love with this Doctor. And so when it was announced that the 2013 Christmas special would be Matt Smith's swan song, I began to prepare myself for the inevitable crying jag that would come when suddenly 11 was no more and 12 took his place. 

 The Christmas episodes of Doctor Who are almost always standalone episodes that are designed to invoke Christmas-y emotions of yuletide cheer and joy. They are self contained little highlights for the Doctor and sometimes his companions (he is often alone for the Christmas special). Last year's offering "The Snowmen" was brilliant and gave me a lot of hope for the second half of season seven after a rather lackluster first half. I find that I am growing increasingly tired with the inconsistency in Moffat's writing. The second half of season seven was poor until the last episode; the 50th anniversary episode, which I raved about, was complicated and strange but because it had a separate grading scale, I didn't mind the timey wimey-ness of it because I went in with both eyes open, knowing it had to be epically larger than your average hour of Doctor Who. But the Christmas episode, even if it is a regeneration episode, is nevertheless supposed to have a different flavor to it--more hopeful, more optimistic, more joyful. It shouldn't be an overly convoluted disaster where the writer tries to answer as many questions as possible in 60 minutes. It should be emotional, especially if there is a regeneration; it should be an emotional gut punch to your insides, not a lukewarm slap. Moffat is continuously trying to recapture the magic of his episodes before he became show runner, like "Blink"--a truly spectacular episode that should never be recreated nor attempted. This year's Christmas episode, "The Time of the Doctor," was--if I am going to be perfectly frank--awful. After 3 seasons, Matt Smith deserved a better send off than what he got: long drawn out plot that really made no sense, call backs to previous seasons, a very slow middle; it was as if Moffat dumped out all the toys in the box to play with but only for a split second before he moved on to something else. Daleks, Cybermen, Sontarians, and Weeping Angels--who exactly was the Doctor up against? And where was the Christmas spirit? You can't just put me in a town called Christmas and expect the spirit of Christmas to grow organically. And if I judge regeneration episodes based on "how much did you cry" then this one was the worst of the series; I barely shed one tear, which is telling as I adore the 11th Doctor.

So what is the plot of this episode? I'm not sure I even know. It's overly complicated and seems to have no focus. It feels as though Moffat spent a great deal of time on Doctor Who message boards figuring out what were the big questions in regards to 11's time in the TARDIS and then set out to answer those questions. And if you add snow to the scene then it means it's Christmas! There was so much back and forth--the Christmas town, London Christmas, and the "church" ship. The London Christmas portion of the episode was wholly unnecessary. While I like Clara, I find that I don't care about her in the same way I cared for past companions. She's there, she sometimes helps to save the day, and the Doctor cares for her, but Clara doesn't have the same spark that past companions have. Clara is the Doctor's "Impossible Girl" but all that seems to be swept away now that the Clara mystery is solved. Clara's holiday dinner with her family just ate up more time until the action went back to the Doctor, which may have been the point, but was so lackluster and forced that I groaned every time Clara got sent back to her house to have another awkward five minutes with them. And--random question--who are they? Clara's mother is dead! We learned this in "The Rings of Akheten" so who was the pushy blonde at the end of the table? So on the one hand, we have Clara zipping back and forth through time and space, not doing much besides reappearing when there needed to be an emotional chat with the Doctor and then be there for the regeneration. On the other hand, we have the Doctor trying to keep war from breaking out by protecting Christmas town.

There is a planet out there--a blue unremarkable planet--that is sending out an untranslatable message to the whole universe across space and time. And every type of creature comes to investigate the message, to breech the protective barrier that fortifies the planet and discover the meaning of the message. Everyone who hears the message is scared except for the Doctor. The Doctor can't translate the message and he doesn't know what planet lies below his TARDIS but that's ok cause he has his trusty Cyberman robot head, Handles. Why does he have a detached Cyberman head? Where did he get it? And why did he connect it to the TARDIS? Aren't all Cybermen connected; wouldn't this put the Doctor and the TARDIS in danger? I get that it's supposed to be cutesy and a little adorable to have the Doctor talking to a Cyberman head named Handles, but does it make sense? Not really. The Cyberman head's job is to translate the message and figure out what planet is below the TARDIS (something, incidently, the TARDIS should be able to do itself!) and eventually, after some tap dancing about the Doctor being Clara's boyfriend and being naked to go to church, we learn that the planet is Gallifrey. Except of course it's not Gallifrey, cause that planet is in a different universe, safe and protected until it can come back.

Of all the ships in the vicinity of the planet, the first ship to have arrived is a security ship under the head of Tasha Lem. This ship is a floating church that put the planet under the shield. I don't know if Moffat is trying to make a political commentary on the nature of faith and religion in general but everything to do with this "church" was odd for the sake of oddity instead of relevant. Lem has members of the Silence as priests who eerily whisper "confess" to people before being erased from your memory; everyone is naked; Lem and the Doctor have some sort of steamy history. Lem also provided the exposition desperately needed at this point: the signal is coming from Christmas town and she sends the Doctor down to investigate, where he is met instantly be Weeping Angels. Are you keeping track of the monsters at this point? Cause we've got Daleks, Cyberman, Weeping Angels and the Silence and yet none of them have been any sort of threat to the Doctor. Where is the tension? If you're going to have that many monsters then you can't just brush them aside after showing them to me. Use them, for pity's sake.

Speeding along, the Doctor and Clara find the source of the message: a crack in the wall. A crack that is a tear in the fabric of space and time. For those who don't remember, this is a call back to the fifth season (first season for the 11th Doctor) and how there were cracks in space; the TARDIS exploding in the future was responsible for it but the Doctor reset the universe. The message, finally able to be translated, is the oldest question in the universe, the first question: Doctor Who? Of course it is. Was this at all surprising to anyone? I could have told you that this would be the message! The repeating message of "Doctor Who?" is coming from another universe, from the Time Lords. And if the Doctor gives his name, the Time Lords of Gallifrey can come back; they'll know it is finally safe to return. The Doctor won't be alone anymore. Of course, all hell would break loose and the Time War between the Time Lords and the Daleks would start once more, this time fiercer and more devastating. Oh, and in case it wasn't clear before, this planet (we learn through Lem) is Trenzelore. We've been to Trenzelore once before, at the end of Season 7. It's the final resting place of the Doctor, where he falls and finally dies. Alright so now that Moffat has brought up three seasons worth of unanswered questions, time for one more: Silence will fall.

Back in season six, we learned that the Silence is an organization that is determined that the question will not be answered, that is must not be answered. And now we have the question and a conundrum. Despite the fact that the Time Lords would come in peace, the races such as the Daleks would never let them return at all. These enemy races are determined to destroy the town and thus destroy the Time Lords only chance of coming back; but the Doctor is equally determined to protect this Christmas town. So the "church" under Lem dedicates itself to maintaining this delicate equilibrium. She is determined that the Doctor must not speak his name, that silence must fall. And thus the siege of Trenzelore--which drags out for 300 years (and 20 mins on screen). This siege dragged on and on and on and on. The Doctor gets older, wrinkles and white hair. Clara comes and goes. There are cute kids and Christmas gifts and wooden Cybermen who try to breech the Doctor's defenses. The Silence and the Doctor work in tandem to keep everyone safe. It was a long drawn out 20 mins that needed to be reduced greatly. At one point Clara comes back to see the Doctor and they discuss how Trenzelore will be his final resting place. He has no more regenerations; he is only allowed 13 and this is his final one (go with it, it's complicated). Clara wants him to change the future, to somehow subvert his own death but the Doctor insists that he can't. Which is true except that River Song gave the Doctor all her remaining regenerations, meaning that the Doctor should have several left. If River only regenerated three times, then she gave the Doctor ten more lives. Are we forgetting this? Is Moffat sweeping that under the rug?

Finally (finally) the final battle begins. The Daleks (of course) come to kill the Doctor, having defeated everyone else. The Doctor, incredibly old by this point in time, goes up to his death, despite Clara's begging him to change history. One important thing about Clara: she knows the Doctor's name. Desperate, Clara goes to the crack in the wall and tells the Time Lords that it doesn't matter what his real name is, "his name is the Doctor and if you love him, help him." It must have worked because the crack in the wall seals itself. Yes, because the Time Lords are a sensible race that listens to puny humans. (HINT: NO THEY DON'T! That's what made the Doctor unique to his race. The other Time Lords, while they are the protectors of creation, wouldn't give two cents about what a human had to say). The Doctor and the Daleks have a standoff, when suddenly the crack reappears, this time in the fabric of space above the town (wut?) and the Time Lords send a burst of regeneration energy to the Doctor, which he ingests. Full of regeneration energy, it is time. The clock strikes 12 and the Doctor uses the power of his regeneration to blast the Daleks out of the sky. "Love from Gallifrey, boys!" (alright, Moffat. You get props for that line. I'll give you that one).

Clara renters the TARDIS and sees the 11th Doctor, young once more but getting ready to fully regenerate. He has 12 more cycles of life and it's time to say goodbye. This was the highlight of an incredibly clunky episode. Matt Smith has grown by leaps and bounds as an actor and it was a privilege to watch him. 11 shed his skin, removing his bow tie and dropping it on the ground. He has flashes of young Amelia Pond running around the TARDIS and 11 tells Clara "I will always remember when the Doctor was me" before his Amy (GASP) is in front of him, telling him "Raggedy man, goodnight." And just like that, Peter Capaldi is standing in front of Clara, sans bow tie, telling her that he doesn't like the color of his new kidneys. Also, he has no idea how to fly the TARDIS. That's a good sign.

Miscellaneous Notes on The Time of the Doctor

--Honestly did not expect to see Karen Gillian again. I give Moffat credit for keeping that under his hat.

--I wonder if there is a picture out there somewhere of Karen and Matt trading wigs. Both actors were bald(for other movie roles) and wearing wigs for this whole episode.

--When Clara discovers that the Doctor has shaved his head: "Did the same thing happen to your eyebrows?" "No they're just delicate." Nice way to play to the fandom who are forever making fun of Matt Smith and his vanishing eyebrows.

--Pretty sure the Doctor was wearing the 3rd Doctor's opera cape in the opening segment.

--1 minute on screen and already I feel like Peter Capaldi and I are going to get along. I love that he's using his native Scottish accent.

--I skipped over most of Tasha Lem's plot in the episode because it was contrived and odd. The Doctor needs to stop having these romantic entanglements. Also, the Daleks have their memories back. Good to know? 

--So where does Doctor Who go from here? Safe money is on Season 8 (which begins in the fall of 2014) being the return of Gallifrey. I look forward to it, but I think it's time for Moffat to step down as show runner. Past time, honestly. His writing is getting way too complicated and inconsistent to be enjoyable. Pass the torch, Moff. It's time.

In Which I Review Saving Mr. Banks

Just a spoonful of sugar...

Iconic. That's the first word that comes to mind when I think of Mary Poppins. The 1964 Disney movie invokes a sort of a painful nostalgia for my lost childhood. I don't know exactly when I first saw the movie, but I know I was young, somewhere between five and seven. My mom rented the movie at the library, had my aunt rip a version of it onto a VHS that also held such other classics like the Wizard of Oz, The Sword in the Stone, and Robin Hood. My copy still exists, buried in the movie closet somewhere, grainy and patchy, worn out after multiple views. It should come as no surprise that the Disney corporation and I have a deep history. A lover of all things magical, Mary Poppins was enchanting. The songs, the message, the character herself--at once caustic and encouraging--were endearing. It has come down through the ages as one of the great classics. When this movie was announced, I was instantly intrigued. Despite being a lover of the film, I've never read the book upon which it is based. I knew very little of the somewhat competitive history between Walt Disney and P.L Travers, author and creator of Mary Poppins. But the trailer to the film made the story seem as special as the final Disney product. 

Fair warning: this movie is going to get what might be termed a rave review. It was, as Mary Poppins would say, practically perfect in every way. How could it not be with powerhouse actors Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson as Walt Disney and P.L Travers, receptively? Hanks is exuberant and friendly, insisting that he be on a first name basis with everyone, filling hotel rooms with Disney memorabilia, and personally showing Travers around "the happiest place on earth." Thompson is what I like to call a quiet actress; her emotions in this film come across in eye twitches, furrowed brows and stuttering speeches that punctuated her rather stiff upper lip demeanor. Closed up and closed off, Travers wants nothing to do with Walt Disney and his candy cotton, multi-billion dollar enterprise that takes works of respected authors and turns them into animated cartoons for the masses. I found myself actually wondering how many authors felt the same as the real life Travers in their own dealings with Disney. Your life blood poured across pages, and if you're lucky to have Disney take an interest, chances are his vision is the one that lasts and most people will remember. Because of this possessive stance on her work, Travers is eager to make Disney disappoint her--with her long list of demands such as no animation and no signing (both of which end up being in the film anyway)--so that she can go back to England, to her memories, her pain and her loss.

You see, Mary Poppins (the book) is based in more than a large part on Travers own life. Part of this film was a flashback to 1904 Australia, out in a long forgotten town on a dilapidated farm where a young Helen Goff (Travers) lives with her kindly but alcoholic father and her severely depressed mother. Helen is the apple of her father's eye and all she wants is to be like him: adventurous, sweet, imaginative. But a dark cloud hangs over her father and what might seem like a simple but picturesque life--the bottle. Travers Goff (Colin Farrell) is trying to be respectable. He has a job, a wife, three lovely children but he is unable to escape his sickness of drink. When her father becomes unable to live without the drink and falls into a deep sickness and Helen's mother is overwhelmed by the sadness of it all (she tries to drown herself at one point), Helen's aunt comes to stay. And the aunt is the basis for Mary Poppins--heels at a smart forty-five degree angle, bottomless carpet bag, bouffant and all. Sometimes when movies are tying one person to two places it can feel disjointed and can confuse the audience, but in this case the flashbacks were well timed and thought out. For example in the present day, Travers demands that there be no red in the film and suddenly we are taken back to the Australian farm where a red dress flaps on a clothes line and Helen's mother discovers a bottle of whiskey in her husband's coat, one of the first signs that not everything is right in the Goff household. I have to give credit to both Farrell and the young actress who played Helen, Annie Rose Buckley. The bond between the two was very real and emotional. Together they managed to convey a father and daughter relationship that obviously followed Travers her whole life. I won't spoil the plot of the flashback, but suffice to say that in her books Mary Poppins shows up to--yes--save Mr. Banks, not the children. In her works, Travers tries to redeem her father, to make the curmudgeonly banker into a loving father who would never leave his children, despite "not being able to see beyond the end of their nose."

The true highlight of the film, though, is the relationship that grows between Walt and Pamela--pardon me, Mrs. Travers. Their initial meeting is icy and brief in which Travers refuses to give Walt the rights to her book, insisting that these characters are family to her, which they are, as we see in the flashbacks. Travers agrees to stay on and see what Walt has in mind, so long as everything is recorded for her peace of mind--which is how this movie was even able to be made. Travers, to be blunt, hates everything screenwriter DaGradi and composers/lyricists Robert and Richard Sherman have come up with. It's all bright pink and tinged with happy feelings instead of practicality, which is what Mary Poppins is supposed to inspire. There are made up words and songs and dancing penguins (side note: the dancing penguins are one of my favorite scenes in the eventual movie). Travers wants everything to be as she remembers in her childhood, not the sugary sweet concoction Disney has in mind. It is deeply personal to her and gradually, over time, Disney begins to uncover why. In the standout scene of the film, Disney and Travers find themselves in her London apartment, bearing their souls. Both had fathers who were loving and wonderful but could be cruel and harsh; both know how unfair the world can be. The scene required several hankies from yours truly.

The majority of the scenes in the film are Travers and Disney sitting in a room with screenwriter and songwriters where the audience is treated to the jingles and jangles that would eventually make their way into Disney's iconic film (almost all of them were loathed by Travers). Thompson manages to be both close to insufferable but somehow comedic and Britishly dry as she dismisses the hard work of the men in the room as fluff and stuff. Each witty pun lands with perfect precision and makes you laugh but also makes you realize that you've been insulted. She conveys both disdain and sadness in her looks as the musical numbers invoke flashbacks to her life as Helen Goff. Hanks somehow stays in stride with her as he shows Disney's infinite patience and jolly good nature, reminding us all of how large a part in our real lives this man played. References to the final movie product were everywhere--from Travers asking for a spoonful of sugar in her tea to the direction of the wind to names of characters appearing in the flashbacks and (as a surprise treat to lovers of the Disney film) scenes from the movie shown at the end. It's a shining happy movie about redemption but with a dark under tow about how life is sometimes very unfair and those scars on our hearts never go away, not fully. Which, I think, might have been Walt's whole mission statement.

Overall Grade: A

Go see it. Right now. It was the perfect Christmas movie, without actually being about Christmas.

The movie has a lot of revolving door characters who shine brightly, though nowhere as luminous as Hanks and Thompson. And while I think some more bitter critics might claim that this film is an exercise in Disney re-promoting itself by trotting out an absolute staple and classic of its company name, it is nevertheless endearing and sweet and uplifting. And as a lover of all things Disney, I didn't find it pompous or greedy. I found it nostalgic and wholly wonderful.